I am close to walking away from my family....How about some advice ATS

a reply to: DeathSlayer

So much is happening to you both physically and emotionally that i feel

you cant see the 'wood for the trees'.

There have been many times in my life that I have had to step back and

take stock of what's going on in mine. Most times I have had to make

tough decisions on my own. Because of that many years ago I compiled a

book of sayings which I often refer to to make some sense and thoughts

clearer.

Here's three you may be able to relate to ...I do hope so. and

I wish you all the best!


Sometimes God closes doors because its time to move forward
He knows you wont move unless circumstances force you to.


There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless
drama and the people who create it, and surround yourself with
people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus on
the good.
Life is too short to be anything but happy. Friends become your 'chosen' family.


Family isnt always blood
Its the people in your life who want you in theirs
The ones who accept you for who you are
The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and
Who love you ..... no matter what.

If you were a few decades younger, and fitter, I'd advise you to walk and to Hell with the lot of them.

However, you are elderly and haven't been too well. You might not be getting along with these people but they may be the ones you rely on to look after you. So, boat burning may be unwise. Are you sure you'd be up to striking out on your own in a new place where you didn't know anybody?

May I ask if you are taking any medication? There may be a possibility of meds causing you to feel suicidal. Also, you might want to consider that there are times of the month when your daughter's best avoided. Perhaps she is taking medication?

You really need to find a way to put up barriers and avoid or manage confrontation. Really, just don't play into it.

You might want to be a bit more understanding with your wife, the mother of your children. The woman who spent the best years of her life with you. There's got to be more to your relationship than just sex on tap.

Definitely avoid ultimatums, they're the worst things. Them and idle threats. Never say you're going to do anything unless you mean to do it. Even then, probably best to do whatever it is without warning people first.

You need to re-evaluate things. Make a list of pros and cons. See what's acceptable, what you can put up with, what's a pain but not worth arguing about, what's unacceptable and time to put your foot down.

And be honest, there may be a lot of good stuff that you're just not seeing because you're so miserable. And you might well be exacerbating some situations yourself.

originally posted by: DeathSlayer

I am not suicidal but wish for death every day. I know suicide is wrong and not the answer but I am close to losing my mind. Death for me would be a release. Down deep ..... between you and me..... I hope the cancer returns and this time it kills me. I am tired of this life. I even pray to God for my death.... (I know that is sick)

Right now I can not write anymore........

Wow, you need to convey ^^^^all of that^^^^ to your daughter ASAP. She needs to know how bad this situation is and how badly it's affecting you. That may help snap her out of her anger and get her to pause and think, and hopefully start respecting you.

Whatever happened to respecting your elders?

Your in a bad place right now, and I really hope you can piece your life back together.

Family relations are difficult, and pretty unique.

I must say with 35 I was not yet ready to forgive or move on with one parent (and yes, war had something to do with it too - it affects families for generations).

But it did happen.
One day my anger dissipated.
The spell was broken.

He fell over dead in the kitchen, and I revived him (luckily CPR was drummed into us from a young age).
It's on an ATS photo page from last year, or somewhere.

My advice is not to force things, and have genuinely good thoughts.
Some people are only meant to have a cordial relationship.
One problem here was that especially the females of the family tried to force things.

Starting with a genuine smile and "Hello, how are you?" is enough for years maybe.
But nobody can resist that forever.

Anything more might be misunderstood.
Sometimes parents say horribly critical stuff to their adult kids without realizing it.
And even if it's not, it could be interpreted that way.
Rather say less apart from greetings at first.
I always thought, why is my dad so nice and jovial with everybody else, but as soon as he sees me there's some comment on how I look, or my speech, or my life?
But my brother told him that to his face last year, and he needed to hear it.

Wishing you both happy years to come yet.
It is possible.
Best wishes.

a reply to: DeathSlayer

It might be harsh, but maybe you should try to find yourself for a while. As much as our parents (and eventually ourselves) want to be an active role in our kid's and grandkid's lives, when everyone is grown up you become more of a friend than family. Sometimes, you are no longer a friend, and it's time to move on and make yourself happy again.

Now, I don't mean you vanish off the face of the earth - rather, tell a couple of your closest friends or acquaintances that you are going on a trip somewhere for a while - it should probably be someone that your family could find if they want to talk to you. Or, if you want to give away where you are going, tell all of your family you love them, but will be moving out to address X if they wanted to write.

If they want to see you, then they will try to find you. If not, don't give a second look back, and live your life; you can still care and worry about them, but don't let it control you.

-fossilera

I know you have a real illness and that’s what causes these thoughts and feelings. a big hug from whom you don't know