a reply to: Belcastro
If your friends are in the same boat are they good people to go to for advice? Sometimes they can be a case of misery loves company and sabotage just
to not feel alone themselves.
That just means perpetuation of the same cycles without much hope for change, so stop taking their advice and just spend time with them.
Here's my advice get yourself in a position you are happy with and make room for someone else to be happy in it I guarantee before that is done
someone will come along to interrupt that progress... if that someone is you, then ask yourself why you keep self sabotaging knowing you aren't where
you want to be and yet if it happened you'd slide all that crap off the table all starry eyed to make room and lose track of where you were going or
wanting to head all doting...
Thats the sickness of the nice guy... and why the nice guy becomes a doormat they throw their entire self away to be remade or reborn into whatever
that person wants instead of what you want.
Well, what woman really wants that? Some do but very rarely it means you'll be clingy and needy and more like a child than a friend and a partner a
rock that she can depend on to be there when she feels weak... she will get tired of holding you up and then drop you when it gets to be too much.
So that's part of loving oneself... not losing oneself in another, having enough self respect to maintain who you are and keep progress moving forward
to where you want to be so that life has room and if someone fills that room then allow them the same respect instead of expecting them to be someone
other than they are and encourage who and where they are trying to go with confidence.
Whomever it is does not choose anyone but you when they do and well be sure to know their intent... short term, long term, a romp, a friend or
whatever... so it is clear and no guessing or expectations needed and no assumptions made.
The head and the heart when they do not have a purpose or reason for being or a goal often become conflicted when you have a purpose and a goal then
they are never separate and you will always move towards and make new ones as they arise no matter who or what steps into your life for however
It sounds like you really want a friends with benefits that leads to a possibility of more... if you are easily attached emotionally to sexual
intercourse detach from it as then you'll become one of those player sorts and disingenuous those are a dime a dozen and they fit the ones that leap
from partner to partner man to man wanting someone to take care of them that are also a dime a dozen. Love and intimacy has nothing to do with sexual
intercourse... although when love and intimacy is present then that is a union not sex.
Leave them to it and be real and honest and you won't nor cant fail because with or without anyone there you will be headed to exactly where you have
already planned for you... if someone comes along and you both are headed towards different goals that pull you apart then love means also letting go
in order to let the both of you grow in the directions that you both need to even if you don't want too... but if you hit that destination you want to
be or if they are happy to cheer you on there or vice versa and the destination ends up as the same to plan together? Awesome if not? life goes on so
have a plan for it a goal for it and keep striving on.
edit on 16-9-2016 by BigBrotherDarkness because: sp. clarity
16-9-2016 by BigBrotherDarkness because: (no reason given)