I want you to teach me something that I desperately need

a reply to: Astyanax

I am clearly talking about "headgames" and "bad people". I accept people as who they are. I am saying; to the rude stuff I just respond; take my stance but when I go home I think about the situation a lot and that makes me drained... Thanks for labeling me as a "bad" person =). And thanks for the other labels also

No wonder why you wrote "mind firmly closed". You are the ones I avoid and feel sorry for when I go home. Clearly you did not get it... Please go out more.

a reply to: one4all

I have some hobbies where I get together with people with no games. We are just clear and we just have fun. I have 2 careers and this is the one I love and go after; where my dreams lie. So there is not going to be a change. I just need some mind protection kind of thing to embed in my brain to continue my work and concentrate more with directing that lost power into my work. Thanks for the clear advice btw.

a reply to: Kali74

I never expect a reward. Never expected. Its not like "using people" again. Sorry for my poorly chosen words. Its something else; I just can't clearly put them in words as English is my second language.

a reply to: belkide

I am clearly talking about "headgames" and "bad people"

There is no such distinction, except in your mind. Wake up and grow up.

You are the ones I avoid and feel sorry for when I go home.

No wonder your life is a mess.

This is NOT a religious statement, but, "Do UNTO OTHERS..." really is all you need to know. Mind you, finding others with that approach might not be as easy as doing it. Good luck!

a reply to: Astyanax

dude, you clearly have some issues. please proceed to other topics ) and my life is not a mess. i will continue talking with other participants as you are clearly not a good person. move on.

a reply to: Keidan

Yes its hard to find the good ones but the thing is when they also acknowledge your behaviour they open up and you become better and better friends. thats why I am lucky with my friends. Maybe more than 5 but that number is a lot in our days right now so I consider myself lucky. Others are just friends but those 5 know my family and we went vacations together in early days. All of them successful in caring about the other sides thoughts.

a reply to: belkide

I don't like how you're calling some of my favorite ATS members "bad."

As a matter of fact, Astyanax is one of the smartest individuals I've ever come across on these boards- and he's never intentionally tried to hurt anyone that I have personally witnessed, but I notice that when some people make too much sense... or when someone hits a note a smidge too close to home, people start crying about it.

If I were you, I'd feel flattered that he took the time to give you a different perspective. You should be thanking him for being here. But you are clearly like a wounded creature too quick to defend yourself... when there's no one even attacking you. You should not be judging anyone.

I hope you do grow up a little.

Love,
Lou.

I understand your dilemma all too well. To understand more about your situation get yourself a basic education in social transactional analysis starting with the classic Games People Play by Eric Berne. This is a treatise that was published decades ago that gives you the basic layout of role based transaction in social situations and was published both in dense psychological study format and a more popular culture paperback type format. Start with the watered down version and if it piques your interest move on to the more dense academic targeted format.

On further note you may well benefit from some introduction to social engineering and how people use it in social transactions. There are three classics in this field, The Art of War by Sun Tzu, The Prince by Machiavelli, and The Art of Worldly Wisdom by Baltasar Gracian.

In my opinion The Art of Worldly wisdom is the most accessible collection of ideas of the three. The best one to get is the translation by Christopher Maurer. I think this book will do you a great deal of good as it's format is such that you can take it with you wherever you go and it is laid out in one page aphorisms that are very dense and need to be revisited and digested to be of use. That said it does contain a great deal of a-ha moments as well. This book is a lifetime companion of mine.

You will not be disappointed by this course of exploration.

a reply to: geezlouise

I don't think he tried to help me. He just labeled and moved on and with the attitude he had sorry but I only thing I could do was just to reflect. You call him smart, probably he is a time-traveller as well as he can suddenly think my life is a mess which is not. It is clearly not the point here "touching to the deadly spot" which he really did not. His comment was just too weak sorry. With all the stats and people supporting him its easy to see why he sees himself as the king of the kingdom.

Love.


Btw I am really not getting any joy or something like that with those answers of mine. Lets clear that out. Its just making me sad to see nothing else.

a reply to: Michielli

Thanks for the great post. I will go find it and start reading asap. Looks like a good guide; The Art of Worldly.

Best.

You're welcome. Don't settle for any other translation, they're not nearly as good as the one I recommended. And get yourself a copy of Games People Play for sure, invaluable for understanding why you find yourself in the same loop over and over. Just these two books will elucidate much of what is cloudy to you about other people's behavior as well as your own. If you don't mind waiting a bit you'll find both of those on amazon easily. cheers.

a reply to: belkide

I don't think he tried to help me. He just labeled and moved on and with the attitude he had.

I’m still here.

You are, I must say, thoroughly adept at the vocabulary of pop-psychology blame-shifting and selfishness.

Clearly you’ve had a lot of practice at this.

Sorry but I only thing I could do was just to reflect.

That wasn’t reflecting, that was deflecting. Because you can’t face an honest assessment.

geezlouise, many thanks. But I’m really a lot nastier than you make me out to be.

a reply to: Michielli

To understand more about your situation get yourself a basic education in social transactional analysis starting with the classic Games People Play by Eric Berne. This is a treatise that was published decades ago that gives you the basic layout of role based transaction in social situations and was published both in dense psychological study format and a more popular culture paperback type format. Start with the watered down version and if it piques your interest move on to the more dense academic targeted format.

The OP already knows more than enough about the language of self-evasion and blame-shifting.

He or she doesn’t need to read another creeps’ manual, they need to grow up.

a reply to: Michielli

Thanks for the detailed info.

Btw I will just ignore the person who really started to pollute the topic.

This is the thing; these are the people who screams "That is my cab!!" because he / she signaled the cab before me, like I would see them behind me. The user will also answer to this I am sure. Sometimes ignorance is good. -We don't like bad vibes mister. We just need opinions in a "good" manner. But he / she just can't get it.

Anyways; have a great one Michielli!

a reply to: Astyanax

Not very well read huh. You never really bothered to answer the guys question. Looks to me like you're just here for yourself. You're use of the word creep is questionable. I don't really like your tone so you can EaBoD.

dicksbymail.com...

After you're done with your snack, maybe you could enlighten me on the finer points of your well thought-out response to this persons request for constructive ways to work through their personal struggle as stated, to, how you so eloquently expounded, "grow up". What exactly does this course of action entail? What is your magic method for achieving grown-upness? Since you're obviously establishing yourself as the grown up in the room, what qualities do you ascribe to yourself that make you grown up? What materials would you recommend to the OP to achieve this state of grown-upness?

Again, looks to me like you're just all about yourself. If you knew anything at all about what I suggested as reading material you would know this is a path that will take the enquirer down the valuable road of self knowledge in relation to those around the self and provide introspection and a lifetime of self realization. But you should know that being all grown up huh?

Heh. You actually gave me the gift of laughing out loud. cheers.

a reply to: Michielli

I'll keep you in mind.

a reply to: Astyanax

OR instead of some dumb veiled threat that you're going to back up with what? You could be a grown up and say, "You know what you're right, I didn't even try to come up with a half decent direction to help this person with their question."

Remember you're the one with the big mouth. I was minding my own business just trying to contribute something useful to this persons thread.

You don't know the first thing about me and you're going to poke me with a dismissive post when I am trying to actually respond to someone's post. I can see from many of your other posts I skimmed through that you like to act like you're the forum police here to set things straight.

Glad to see you got your mind fully closed, maybe it's about time you work on your lips.

Yeah keep me in mind, keep thinking about me as the guy who called you out for being a jerk. You're a jerk and a bully.

And you really need to just GROW UP and move on.

a reply to: Michielli

Not a veiled threat. I will bear you in mind as someone whose posts I need not read while scanning down a thread.

Have a nice day.

a reply to: Astyanax

Please, avoid me like the plague. Laterzzz.