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originally posted by: tigertatzen
a reply to: IgnoranceIsntBlisss
I lived for a while in rural Virginia, and had a little garden apartment on a farm. The property owner warned me about snakes and bears and such, which was expected. I asked him about bugs and spiders, and he assured me the only spiders I'd run across would likely be "just those little brown garden spiders".
Garden spider...OK, sounds pretty benign. Ditto "little". Small and they like the garden, which is not inside my apartment. I put it out of my mind.
Couple weeks later, it's about 1am and I'm at the kitchen table reading a book. I feel something brush the top of my foot, and automatically think it's one of my cats, so I glance down to see which one.
Well. I learned a few valuable things in the moments that followed:
1. Garden spiders actually not "little". Unless your point of comparison is a tarantula. From Jurassic Park.
2. Garden spiders cast a visible shadow on linoleum. That is a fact.
3. Garden spiders are not intimidated by cats, an entire can of bug spray, half a can of hairspray, brooms, mops, Windex, oven cleaner, or a variety of other threats, including a 78lb pitbull. After sucking down half a bottle of Clorox tub and tile spray that I unloaded in its face with the "stream" setting, I swear the vile thing smirked at me. And when I finally brandished the hammer, steeling myself for battle, I am certain I heard a distant, evil chuckle.
4. I have astonishing accuracy when hurtling a claw hammer at a garden spider from a distance of at least ten feet in a crisis situation.
5. And the most important lesson of all: garden spiders do not die right away when subjected to blunt force trauma from an airborne object. Garden spiders require a double-tap. Do not be fooled, people. Trust me on this.
So...every night for the rest of my stay there, my evening ritual included liberally spraying each and every crack or crevice around the door, followed by applying a double layer of duck tape over each poison-filled crack. Every. Single. Night.
It was the only way I could sleep. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.