I have been thinking a lot about why relationships fail lately.

I am I will abmit a serial relationshipper I have never really gone more than a few months single and all of my encounters tend to develop quickly. I have never had a one night stand or played it loose as it never really interested my.

I have recently come out of a 5 year relationship that was intended to end in marrage and the one before that was also around 5 years and should have also ended happily ever after.

I started thinking about what relationships actually are, we may call someone a partner, girl/boyfriend/ husband or wife but what I think it come down to is best friend.

This person is your best friend by a country mile. So much so that you live in the same house and even sleep in the same bed, you will do anything for them and will go cold or hungry if needed, you will quite litterally die for them if needed and that is a pretty serious undertaking.

This got me to thinking about what a best friend actually is. As an adult we tend not to actually state that someone(partner excluded) is our "best friend" but we nearly all have one. They tend to be someone who shares common interests but are also relaiable and are there if needed either emotionally or financially and will have your back covered in a crisis.

Then I started thinking about what made a best friend as a kid, as a child we all had a best friend but in a different way, there was still dependability but what made it work was having fun, nobody chose a best friend on there financial or emotional reliabilty, we chose the ones who would do stupid things and dare us to do the same, to push boundries, can we jump that bit of the river or not? only one way to find out and if the answer is no then we end up wet and get in trouble but laugh all the way home, try doing that with your best friend today and I bet they say no.

Think of someone who would spend a whole summer building a treehouse with or agree to skip school and just do something fun instead, how many of us could suggest to our partner that we both call in sick, send the kids to school and go off to play in the woods for a day? maybe if we all still acted as we should but remembered that as best friends we are supposed to break the rules every once in a while and continue to push boundries but most importantly still have some fun every once in a while and stand together and deal with the repercussions then we would all be a little happier?

My best friend and i liked to break all the rules, she was so dear, it is sad when good things drift apart, what matters is the love contained forever in spirit with love in ones heart.
Finance and emotions are always somewhat a factor..as is the way of living in the world, if we had to survive in absolute nature, folks would still need to trade something of earthen value, by way of appreciation, weather it be a skill like making bows or baskets.
Nice OP.
Lots to ponder...

G'day mate,

I took the bait and I'll chime in without looking to the net for a smart quick reply to make me look intelligent.

I have 3 failed relationships, 2 of which produced offspring. I have payed fully for these. My current relationship (21 years) has produced 4 youngens. (7 children in total)

In this my last relationship I explained to the young lady wishing to partner me that I have a lifes plan which has fortuitously occurred due to her partnership.

The answer to your OP lends itself to you trying being a bit more selfish towards yourself and stop trying to please others. I say this in good nature. Man, get a 5 year plan for yourself excluding others. Think of yourself for a change. Be selfish to the extent that you are taking hold of your destiny and only let those wishing to assist you or pursue the same goal into your life.

It takes a bit of time management and cutting out the 'fat'. By 'fat' I mean those things that are slowing you up inclusive of leaching relationships where you are not considered. (In the other person's life plans for that matter).
Sit down and have a think. Get out a notepad and not a computer. Put priorities on a list with your needs the 1st at number one. Put the noted items up where you can read them everyday.

Work at crossing them off as you progress through the items.

You're a good bloke mate!

My kindest regards, respect and I hope you do well,

Bally

I think when we go into a relationship, many of us go in stary eyed, we see the things that are there as well as the things we hope are there. What we all forget is that we all have baggage (some of us too much) and as the relationship goes on we pile bag on bag hoping it will stay togather, and sadly often it does not. Some people understand and take the time to build the baggage so its strong ( this is not an easy thing to do ) some people just give up and dont care.

I think relationships fail because people need their space and we tend to think of a relationship as being joined at the forehead with the other person. People get sick of one another and they think it's because it's a bad relationship. No. It's because our definition of a relationship is flawed. If you try spending the rest of your life shackled to the most awesome person in the world it's still gonna suck when you have to be there while they're pooping.

I think relationships fail because the average bozo thinks he can get all the answers by looking on the net, asking on a conspiracy forum or just assuming that he knows what he is doing
Like I did
There are better places and if you really care you will put the effort in to finding them

You sound like you're going through the "it was my fault" stage of the breakup. I did it too for a while, after my 20 marriage ended. I thought "Maybe I am just a bad person" "Maybe she was right to do what she did"
Then, one night, I sat down and really thought about all the things that went wrong and when she started cheating. It was not my fault. I am not a bad person and I tried to keep us together. I left my pride and dignity in the dust trying to keep us together as a family.

You said that she had basically run off with another man and relationships like that don't develop overnight. She'd been cheating for a while, so when you start thinking "It was my fault"....fu** that. You may not be perfect, but she could have done the mature thing and tried to work it out or ended it, instead of sneaking around.
Don't do this to yourself.

a reply to: DAVID64

Will send you a pm in response to that mate.

My husband and I have always had that best friend type of relationship, and that has gotten stronger over years.

It's kind of funny, after so many years together, I've even lost that jealousy and insecurity I had at first (and with men before him). Would you be jealous of your best friend enjoying romantic or sexual experiences with another???
As long as he remains just as invested and involved in our relationship, it actually wouldn't bother me too much.

I know that sounds weird, I surprise even myself when I realize that. I can kind of understand better the gay couples we know who are much more open about their relationships.

That is just one angle that I have found surprising with time, I did not expect it.

But basically, yeah, my husband and I have always been accomplices in childish antics. Our kids shake their heads and call us a couple of kids. We're capable of going off on a impromptu scavenger hunt, or often go to car or air shows in themed costumes. It is this spark of adventure that bonds us, I guess.

Too many expectations and seriousness can kill that friendly love that is just as essential as the sexual part.

Union requires Charity.

All unions fail when the entities involved lack charity.

This is true for all things, two people in love, a corporate partnership, a nation of states like the US, a union like EU.

That is the law.

It is usually learnt in religion.

People are less religious today, so they simply don't know the law.

As soon as each individual entity involved begins thinking "what's in it for me", the union begins to fall apart.

As long as at least some of the individual entities are thinking "what can I do for the other|s", the union maintains.

That's all the problem is.

Charity.

[QUOTE]
"And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. " -- KJV, 1 Corinthians 13:13
[END QUOTE]

In any sort of relationship I suppose I've been looking for someone to have fun with. Someone who 'gets' me and my sense of humour.

I've had a right laugh, too. BUT, I do wonder if I got my priorities wrong.

As an independent person I could afford to be in any sort of relationship / friendship because I wanted to be not because I needed to be.

On reflection, I find I should have looked for people who were solvent and truthful. Those fun friends of mine were largely skint liars. Most of the fun we had would have been paid for by me.

Most of the unhappiness would have been caused by their lies.

Relationships of any kind work best if both parties are prepared to put the work in and put each other first. If you put the other person first and the don't reciprocate - get out. Fast.