A Thin Line Between Tough Love And Abuse:

Something disturbing came to my mind, someone above me said remove the line between tough love and abuse and all you have is abuse, if this is true then, my inaction at not even an attempt at protest is shameful and a bow to perceived cultural norms , when it should have been called what it is; abuse, why did I let it slide knowing damn well I would have said something if I were state side or as I said wait for further actions of abuse, especially putting that one dad in check would have had others thinking this is in no way the norm or should not be, even though I might had to pay a social price, which I really don't give a damn about, I should have gotten into his face and let the chips fall, but that's hindsight for ya.

a reply to: Spider879

Well, theres a price for doing that... and it may have came at your freedom... but Superman would have existed in that childs eyes at least for a moment.

The dad trying to live his under achievement by trying to force his kid to achieve for him is a sickness thats gone on for a very very long time.

Dont should on yourself or resort to violence... you have a voice to protest and hey use it, to stand up... that was what the pen is mighter than the sword meant... using ones voice and reaching as much audience as possible with it. Back then it meant in print... these days where is print all over the place? Online of course.

So youve already started... the battle dont throw in the towel to violence, as well maybe dad would have finally lived what he wanted and never achieved and cold cocked you already enraged and endophins up and all of a sudden he was right in the childs eyes and the superman instead of you trying to stand up for the child child wouldnt have known that, he would have seen a bully just like his dad get knocked out by his dad.

So see the possible outcomes? What difference none really... but using you voice here? Change has already occurred all over the globe. Like that first smile of the day making it back to you before it ends.

Online that can be within seconds...

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Nuff Respect.,

a reply to: Spider879

a reply to: Spider879

As the child of two very selfish dominating parents with (father) being extremely violent both verbally and physically on a daily basis i can assure you that the child quickly develops a sense of hatred and anxiety that is not decipherable to its young mind.
This allows the manifestation of anger and ill-tolerannce that coupled with rejection from peers due to an inability to relate really messes with the young mind, this results in a disconnection with reality that as you stated really does set one up for serial killer tendencies etc. However i can also assure you that despite this the spirit within always yes always knows right from wrong and so a choice will need to be made.
I personally chose to forgive and although i barely can tolerate to look at or deal with them in any way i still understood that i needed to forgive to regain my moral bearings and save my soul
This was a concious decision and everone gets the chance to choose, its as simple as that, i could see that other kids especially as i aged wernt experiencing the roller coaster of emotions that I was and seemed so much more happier that i chose to try to be more like them and so although i failed the focus was redirected from anger/hatred to a desire to do better a choice in hindsight i am very grateful for making.
Don't get me wrong i still as a young adult struggled greatly to stay out of trouble but i always new where the line was and can honestly say never raised my hand offensively to another- ever, despite like your young bloke your describing seeing also having quite extensive karate training. I learnt karate to make sure it would stop and never happen again.
However despite my extensive training it continued to happen albeit sparatically after about age 17, still i never raised my hand.
It continued as stated sparatically until about 24 when finially after he turned for the first time on my mother i set about him. ( why i protected her i dont know as she would always lie and exagerate to make me look worse).
Weirdly enough i still to this day mid 40's feel guilty for finially turning on him.
So anyway it boils down to choice, you choose to hate or you choose to forgive.
Love thy father to me is about loving and trusting the voice within- do that with an honest moral compass and the likes of murderers and all sinister acts would simply cease to exist for the most part, although clearly some would choose hate.
In closing i will say though that despite being in theory enlightened and saved i havnt ever been able to hold down a job greater than 18 mths ever, ive had hundreds of jobs and tried my hardest to find stability in life but i own nothing, no house, no car, no assets, no savings and i live in poverty barely able to feed myself sometimes as the all to often periods of unemployment like right now consume what little you have been able to save in the last stability attempt.( 8 mths last job), lost it 6 weeks ago, no matter how hard i try people just see the sadness and assume sooner or later there will be trouble and i suppose take the position of prevention is better than cure. Something i can honestly say i understand so therfore i accept, i cant force anyone to like me.
So i feel your concern,empathy and compassion from the absoulute core of my soul but just because you see violence in that areana that doesn't mean that its a catalyst.
Its all a choice and every abused child must make theirs-
SO A MESSAGE TO ALL ABUSED CHILDREN WHO MAY ONE DAY READ THIS------
YOU ARE ALREADY IN A ARTIFICIAL PRISON, CHOOSE FORGIVNESS OR POSSIBLY FOREVER BE IN A REAL PRISON, DONT LET THE F#@!ERS WIN.
CHOOSE FORGIVENESS AND KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD AHEAD NO MATTER HOW HARD THE ROAD.
Do this and cheat your destiny for you have already suffered enough.
There is no line its abuse, tuff love is 100% love and suport the tuffness is the burden of the parent to see past the anger/dissapointment and have vision for the future.

a reply to: ALSTA

Sometimes that forgiveness is taken by ones ego as codoning it, which ends up only reinforcing the behavoir... meaning it offers them no opportunity to change just villification to continue such ignorant behavior. Each contact is consentual... if it is contact that turns into that program of abuse change the channel or deny the continuance of ignorance that arises to suffering not acceptance. Accepting who they are in being abusive doesnt lead to their acceptance of you just permisson to stay the same.

Please be aware of this and I hope your future interactions with them, remain calm and skillful... as one clinging to feeling right for such behavior rarely feels wrong, due to held belief and self justification and other denial due to such held belief(s) if thats all they know, such ignorance does not lead to bliss... just continued suffering unfortunately for both; even when one is over it and seeking healthier coping than was learned, growing up with such adversity... and trying to adapt or escape it.

The pain they spread is their poor coping to adversity in unhealthy ways... where both; become co dependent in that coping and see you as more stress to adapt and cope with than accept and encourage for better than what theyve experienced for you to grow and be happy... sometimes thats conditional based on what they want to see as you in expectation.

Living up to ones own expectations can be difficult as it is... pilling on a whole lot more is unrealistic expection of others to be someone other than themself with their own expectations of who they are wanting to be to achieve their own goals instead of ones that others failed to accomplish or think they have; and project that entire mass or burden onto another not oneself... which is a very selfish and or prideful thing to do.