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Pebble girl

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posted on Mar, 19 2016 @ 07:46 PM
Hello to everyone, it's been a while since I last posted something on this forum. Well, here it goes, I want to know what do you think. Does this story has any potential at all? I was thinking about stretching it a little further, maybe make a short novel, I don't know. What are your thoughts? Thanks in advance. Peace to all!


Pebble girl

A little girl walked out the yard, and it was already late at night. She loved to see the stars and imagine how far they would be and what could be happening there, in each one of them. Very often she would sit at her old grandpa’s chair and swing and swing, until she fell asleep, only to wake up to the birds’ songs and sing along with them. She was a dreamer after all.

This night in particular was really cloudy and only a few stars were to be seen, and one was brighter than all the others. "Her name is Lilly!", the girl called out aloud, smiling at her new discovery – alone. But it was really a new star for she had never seen it before. Of course she couldn't wake anybody up, it was already past midnight and she had had to sneak out the door to make it to the yard.

The very next day she was avid to see it again and so she ran outside, only this time just after dinner. She ate as fast as she could and met her old grandpa smoking cigars at his chair outside the house, where she used to swing at.

"Grandpa! Grandpa! I discovered a new star and I can make wishes to it, can't I?!", asked the little girl, so excited. "Ha! But of course you can, my darling, can you show me where the star is?". This night was a bummer, though, it was overcast and really cold, and she then grabbed a pebble that was nearby and threw it away, in frustration – as in an attempt to release the anger - and it rolled a few inches away and stopped close to a bush.

Before she could even start crying her grandpa said, "I see it now!", to what the girl responded, "See what?! What do you see?", almost in tears. "The pebble you threw away, that's the star, its life. The star you saw is your wish, your dreams, and you hold everything in your hands. You can’t just throw them away, can you? Instead, take care of your own star; you don’t really need others to see it, do you? It is your own life to share with whoever you want, but mostly yourself".

Gladly, the girl hugged him shyly, imagining what so many whishes could now be hiding behind those clouds, and so many dreams still to pursue. After that night she never felt sad again when something bad happed, but instead, she felt like something really amazing and new could happen later; the renovation of life that she learned to call death.
edit on 19-3-2016 by kromaion because: (no reason given)

posted on Mar, 19 2016 @ 10:52 PM
a reply to: kromaion

a wonderful story. so tender and philosophical. the little girl is so easy to connect with and the wise grandfather is a wish in itself. you had me captured already after one and a quarter sentences.

with your observation-, storytelling skills and imagination i'm sure you would make a gorgeous and captivating longer story out of this. its full with potential. although i liked it as it is also.... short attention span.... you know....

maybe a play that could be enjoyed by both, kids and adults ? i love going to the theater to see a performance.

i just loved it. i bet this is not your first story ? can you tell us some more, please

and welcome back

posted on Mar, 19 2016 @ 11:40 PM
I just loved this and yes, you should continue on!!!

posted on Mar, 20 2016 @ 05:54 AM
It was going really well until the last word.

posted on Mar, 20 2016 @ 09:57 AM
Hello! Thank you all for the responses, and yes, I'm thinking about changing the last word, death, to something smoothier, for now. Maybe I'll add it later. I'll continue the tale, stretch it and keep posting. Again, thanks to everyone who responded.

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