What I'm Doing In Cuba

As it was determined in another thread in the NWO section, I have had to admit that my name is Tupac, and contrary to popular belief, I'm not quite dead. Since the cat is now out of the bag, I think I'll come clean yo and give ya'll a rundown on what I've been doing, where I've been doing it, and why.

I was shot at on Sep 7th, 1996. This much is true. I don't know who shot at me- I think it was one of my ho's. I decided the time was right to sow my wild seed in other poon tang around the world.

Between the dates of Sep 7th and Sep 13, I made my way via Canada to Sierra Leone, where I sharpened my capping skills and drive by shooting. I could hit an ant at 50 yards while driving by at 80mph in my souped up ride by the end of this intense training.

About a year later, I received a phone call.

"Sup."

"Mr Pac, will you accept a collect call from Cuba from a Mr. Castro?"

Cuba? Castro?

"Sure thing, yo."

"Tupac! Fidel from Cooba here, homay."

"Fo real?"

"For real!"

"Well shiiit. What can I do for yo?"

"I need you to train my men. We are launching a covert invasion of the United States soon, and we need your help. Will you do it? Homie?"

"I'm there, bro."

"Excellent."

The phone clicked dead. I was onto a good thing here.

I flew immediately to Cuba in my pimp Boeing Seven Dawg Seven.

Soon, I was training the Cuban army how to dress, walk, shoot and talk Gangsta. Their plan was to flood the US with Cuban refugees and covertly take over a single State with which to build a giant base. Now they needed the street skills to stay alive against the Yankee imperialist bastards.

Fidel greeted me at the airport in his Lada limo, a relic from 1994.

"Ah, my homay! I have your paper here in this briefcase. Ten mellion Yankee Dollars. We have a lot of those."

"Whoa, # man. Where'd you get all this cash?"

"Stock market. Communism- bollocks my friend. Wall Street is where the real money's at. Come, you start today!"

I had to break the Cubans out of a lot of bad habits. First, they kept wanting to wear belts. This was taken care of with a few downtrowings.

THEN, they wanted to hold their heat upright! Now how bad is that dawg? You can't expect to hit any gangsta with your gun to the top!

They soon picked up the general idea after I capped a few of then in the azz.

I did have one small problem though- some had taken over Havana and declared themselves the homies of the hood.

Needless to say, I popped a few caps that day, yo.

So there you have it. There really IS a conspiracy.

Oh, here's some random facts:

This is the third Fidel Castro to have ruled Cuba since 1960.

The CIA tried to pop Castro last week, but the letter bomb was intercepted when the Langley, Virginia postmarks were noticed.

Fidel has some fly bitches.

He also bakes the most wonderful muffins.











(AKA D9's Early Morning Bordom. All crap belongs to me.I take no blame, but maybe a little credit.)

Gees Man..I'm so excited I could'nt even wait to read the whole post..Man what a special surprice..on christmas tooo..Oh man this too much...tears ....man you broke me down in tears.. :�)�

I'li get back to your story..Man , yo ya keep ut of trouble now...understand wha'i 'mean...!!..

[edit on 25-12-2004 by Horus_Re]

Yo bro you just got a way way above
Now that's sometin I don't do very often actually never..but you have made my day...That was great...

Hey thanks!

I can write more of my adventures if needed. Like the time I negotiated peace between my waring brothers in Somalia, then took their azz's OUT and took over their hood!

Yo man ,just let them fingers do the bis....
I enjoyed read that so much as a matter of fact I'm gonna read it again..
Keep up the great work coming....

Hey I just had a thought;How about dropping down to Liberia,are does guys still using their 'JUJU' techniques of scaring the life out of the communities...

[edit on 26-12-2004 by Horus_Re]

what a bizzare and fantastic tale,isnt it against ATS rules to impersonate someone?....but then again...if you pull it off send me some off those muffins,yum,yum.

Tell us how ol Fidel is doing now a days. havent seen him in years. Fidel, Saddam, Kaudoff, and me used to be friends back in our college days at UofTS
(Universary of Terror Studies) I was there to research terriosm. they were there to find out how to properly perform terrorism. so tell ol Fidel The Wave said "Hi"

Fidel is doing well. He's recently discovered Viagra, so he over the moon. Almost in a literall sense.

I'm (Tupac) going away for a few days, but I'll be back with my tales of poontang from beyond the shores.

Originally posted by algarvekid
what a bizzare and fantastic tale,

Just like you said...It's a Tale & a great one at that ...How could that be against the Rules...

Hey, you should keep posting, but put it in the fiction section where it belongs!

It's not fiction. I am Tupac, and I am ALIVE.