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All of this

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posted on Mar, 2 2015 @ 10:22 AM
Ummm...Here's my attempt at a love poem...enjoy...

All of this

I wonder not how to begin
With all of history within
Of moments, days and years now fled
But tempered joy that time has shed

If every instance gathered hence
In truth deserves such recompense
Then honesty would deem love found
When tears and laughter full abound

Through all of that and all of this
The hands still held the lingered kiss
Proclaim that truth and love adorn
The spirit of that oath once sworn

That in this way those vows renewed
with all of moment then imbued
We trade out time for times own sake
On breath and this and thirsts we slake

Thank you

edit on 2-3-2015 by YouSir because: of that uncommon comma...

posted on Mar, 2 2015 @ 11:06 AM
a reply to: YouSir

Simple, yet elegant. Though others may chide you on it, I also enjoyed the relative lack of punctuation. The metre and structure of the stanzas makes punctuation mostly unnecessary in poetry, in my opinion. Aside from the occasional, well-placed comma, of course.

posted on Mar, 2 2015 @ 11:57 AM
a reply to: YouSir

I hated shake spear
and all contrived mangalations
of sentiment squeezed into rhyme
If it was a human
you'd invite an ambulance
instead of audience and applause

PS-this is suppose to be humorous -4 minutes 35 seconds
edit on 2-3-2015 by Borisbanger because: (no reason given)

edit on 2-3-2015 by Borisbanger because: (no reason given)

edit on 2-3-2015 by Borisbanger because: substituted audience for approval

posted on Mar, 2 2015 @ 03:20 PM
a reply to: CretumOrbis

Ummm...I have to agree on the simplified aspect of this poem...I wrote this poem for an anniversary card I created for a design class I was taking...I also debated whether to include the comma in that third line and thought I had removed it...oh well...

Thank you for your kind words and your critique...I actually rather enjoy having my work critiqued...I wish there were more of that going on in this forum...I think that it's a good way to help writers mature their style...


posted on Mar, 2 2015 @ 03:30 PM
a reply to: Borisbanger

Ummm...That was pretty funny....Was that Andrew Dice Clay...? I could swear I hear that accent every time I read it...

Thank you for that and the coffee squirting out of my owe me a keyboard...and these wireless apple boards aint cheap...


posted on Mar, 3 2015 @ 04:47 AM
a reply to: YouSir

Was that Andrew Dice Clay...?

The styles the juice
from a hundred giggles
though I have not counted
because if Im anything
I am modest
of talent..

..m u s t re sist cou p le ts

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