Captain Chaos strikes again!

I call myself Captain Chaos because I am the clumsiest person you could ever meet. If there's anything that can be knocked over, I'll knock it over, even when standing well away from it. If there's something to get tangled in (vines, branches, briers, blankets, you name it) I will get tangled in it. If there's anything at all that can be tripped over (even a flat piece of land) I will trip over it. If it wasn't for buzzard luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all-as my uncle likes to say. Today is a great example. I'm in the restroom doing my morning thing and go to light a smoke. Instead of lighting my smoke, I light my hair. Oh, jolly. I have long hair and it went up with a loud (close to my ear) WHOOSH! So, here I am, sitting on the pot and beating out my flaming head. It singed my eyebrow, too. I lost a good chunk of hair and am still brushing crispy flakes of it out. Add to that, I have a nasty smell of burnt hair hovering around me. My day started out really lovely, to say the least. Rant finished. Feel free to laugh all you want. I'm used to it.

a reply to: Skid Mark

That wasn't a mistake, that was a message. You shouldn't be smoking.

a reply to: intrptr

One of my friends told me that. I call them sanity sticks because I get beyond cranky when I try to quit.

a reply to: Skid Mark

My heart goes out to you...I feel bad that you hurt yourself this AM.

Here is some information that may help you. Link: www.foxnews.com...

a reply to: caladonea

Luckily I didn't get hurt. It was just the fact of losing hair lol. Thanks for the link. I was diagnosed with a motor control problem when I was a kid. It aggravates me to no end.

I just realized I have to help a buddy build a shelter for wood this month. I am not looking forward to it. I expect many Three Stooges moments from that one.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Sorry about your accident but being accident prone is just a matter of awareness. Practice hard, steady, focused attention for a couple of days and you will be amazed at the improvement. It's work but well worth the effort. Ask my girl friend who used to be a real clutz; now a graceful beauty with no bruises, cuts, scrapes or contusions.

originally posted by: Skid Mark
a reply to: intrptr

One of my friends told me that. I call them sanity sticks because I get beyond cranky when I try to quit.

I relate. I smoked for thirty five years. It killed me, I just haven't died yet. So you got that to look forward to.

lol. that's why you put your hair behind your Ears when puffing. Or tie your hair back behind your back.

Invest in some hair bands.

Use them when your gunna be smoking. Or tuck your hair in your shirt.

I have long hair too and iv almost burnt my hand. Also wait for your hair to stop moving before you spark the lighterlol. dont want your hair to sway into the flame.

a reply to: AnuTyr

I know. I actually thought about it. That's the sad part.

OMG, this has to be one of the best rants yet! Ahahahahaha!!!!!

At least it wasn't as bad as a couple months ago when I tripped and fell in dog poop. That one really made my day.

I once dropped a whole bowl of pasta that I had just made all over the floor. My hands just let go of the pot. I was not happy but my dog sure was. After that, she tried to hang out in the kitchen whenever I cooked, as if begging me to do it again. The little stinker.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Perhaps you are like a puppy that grew to fast, and your brain has not caught up to your body?

Perhaps you are trying to get your own attention? A calling from the inner man?

Or, you are just a klutz, lol

a reply to: Iamschist

I'm just a klutz. I have no idea how I can dance so well, being so clumsy. I can pull off some pretty cool moves without falling on my face.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Maybe like another poster suggested, concentration?

a reply to: Iamschist

Maybe. Might be somehow working my way around the motor problem when I dance.

a reply to: Skid Mark

I think it has to do with being 'here' in the moment. When you dance you are completely present, body, mind, spirit, one, in the dance.

Since every day opens up more opportunities for disaster I decided to keep this going with updates of my misadventures.
For example, I was busting wood up and stacking it on the porch not even an hour ago (something nobody helps with and that I hate to do because it makes my back and shoulders hurt worse) and dropped a chunk of wood on my right big toe. I don't know if I broke it or not but it sure does hurt. Not too long after that, I was busting a log and hit it wrong, sending it flying into my left leg, just below the knee cap. It sent a wave of pain up my leg and into my crotch. Cue yelling and cussing. It still hurts. The day isn't even over yet. I wonder what else will happen.

I think my dad was the original Captain Chaos. I remember when I was a kid, he was working on a car and the hood fell and hit him on the head. It hurt so much he pooped himself. Another time, he was helping a family friend paint. He was up on a ladder and was climbing down. He stepped right into a bucket of paint with his new cowboy boots. He looked at his friend and his friend's son (who were both stifling laughter) and said, "Well, you might as well laugh. It is kind of funny."