Why don't adults at work "fight back", against the bully?

In society it is usually thought, that the child, which is being bullied by another child, is a coward because he doesn't "fight back".
The reasoning behind this is the following:

"Fighting back - when you are a child - is necessary, because it builds character. In another words, when you have "character", you will not allow yourself being bullied, that is you will be "tough enough", for our cruel world.

That is the "theory".

The reality is that adults are more afraid, of fighting back against "powerful people"(bullies) that abuse them, than children are.
The best example is the relationship between bully boss, and the employees. In the great majority of cases, no one has the balls to "fight back" against the boss.
And yet, despite of their passivity, they are not being called cowards, but "smart people", who need to keep a job.

I say that this attitude is blatant hypocrisy towards children.

What do you people think?

Cause you will lose your job.

a reply to: john666
Kids are more direct to each others and bullying is pretty clear. For adults it has more layers and they need to consider and think what is bullying. If it is violence or sexual harassment the case is clear. If you are in situation where you "loose" an arguement and others takes the other side that is not bullying but if you are in that situation several times then it could be considered as one.. If you get jobs that you consider as a punishment or bullying then you need to consider if you wouldn´t be doing those jobs would they been done by someone else if your answer is yes then its not the case of bullying.
Not many is informing due the fear of losing their jobs and a fear that they will be more hated and bullied cos of that... to stop the bullies they should.

I think If I had a boss who was bullying me I would record them, then take them to court. Would be tempted to knock their smile off their face but violence is rarely the answer.


I have never been bullied by a boss though, so in reality I do not really know how I would handle it.

I do not think it is hypocrisy at all. Your child expects you to keep a roof over their heads not fight off every douche that pisses you off. If they are that much of a bully then there are other ways around them...like recording their antics and then suing them.

Employer can fire you without a reason. You don't think upper management or owner know who your manager really is? And if they are allowed to do what they are doing, there is a reason for it. It is probably just a bad company.

They will demote you for your recording and after you quit because you feel everyone staring at you, they will black list you. Good luck getting a job after that in your field. a reply to: brandiwine14

In the great majority of cases, the employee that is being bullied, WILL DO NOTHING, to stand up to the boss.
In another words, he will neither "fight back", nor will he file a lawsuit against him.
Namely he is afraid, that he will lose the job. And yet nobody accuses him of being a coward.
On another hand, when a child fails to confront the bully, or a group of bullies, for fear that he/they will BREAK HIS BONES, HE IS A COWARD!

Don't get me wrong, I am all for fighting back, even if fighting back means killing somebody in self defense.
But the problem is that the majority of bullied children, ARE TOO WEAK TO FIGHT BACK, and therefore need help of society, TO PUNISH HARSHLY THE BULLIES, but not only that they do not get that help, but they are stigmatized as cowards.

In another words, we THE ADULTS, expect more courage from children, then we ourselves, are willing to show.
That is despicable!

a reply to: john666

I know what you're saying and i've often thought the same thing on this and other subjects...what you're talking about is what used to be called 'people power'. The coming together of like-minded people, of various backgrounds, education levels, financial levels and religious positions for a common purpose...usually, a good and just common purpose.

It doesn't work anymore.

People have been suckered into absolving themselves of family responsibilities, instead expecting day care, nurseries, the state school system, elderly institutions to more or less raise their children and care for their infirm or confused elderly, instead of who really and righfully ought to be taking not only responsibility for their children and elderly relatives, but WANT to do so.

Why?

The 'i need more stuff' hoodwink.

I need a bigger house, i need a newer car, i need a couple of foreign holidays a year, i need to get MORE!...attitude.

And because of all of that utter, utter, waste of the time of our lives...people are afraid to answer back, afraid to stand up for what is right and just - lest they lose..all...the....stuff.

a reply to: alldirex


Oh, I see....you think that everyone should just shut their mouths and get back to work. "just a bad company" you say. Well sometimes bad companies need to be put in the spotlight. In many states it is legal to record people without their knowledge as long as you are part of the conversation, just turn your cell on, press record.

There is a huge difference though between being told to "get back to work" and being bullied. I have never been bullied at work, probably because I do a good job. Half the time I have heard people complain of mean bosses it was really their own fault for chit-chatting on cell, texting etc... I hate frivolous law suits but I would not actually tolerate being bullied and I would take such a matter to court.

Want to fire someone you bullied....great that recording would be all over the news, facebook etc.... the person can legally protest and play the recording for the people.....Trust me the last thing any business would want is to blacklist me for anything, they would be quick to settle it. Upper management will be sure to find out real quick just who it was they hired.

But again, I have always had a great work relationship with my bosses. I am not lazy, typically my phone is always off, I don't smoke, do drugs etc... so in all likelyhood, I will never be bullied but to that I say....go ahead, make my day.

a reply to: MysterX

Exactly.
And let me tell you one more thing.
I am convinced - through my life experience - that children, generally speaking, have more courage than we the adults.
And the reason why this is so, is because they are not as corrupted, as we are.
Namely the more a person, or a society is corrupted, the more he is susceptible to intimidation and threats.

a reply to: john666

Yep.

Ok, it can be argued they don't appreciate the risks...but really, when it comes right down to it - what are the actual risks?

Losing what you've been suckered into believing you want or need in your life...the stuff.

People have forgotten what the real purpose of life is...it isn't a wide screen and it certainly isn't a flash car or a mansion...it IS investing entirely in your family.

Its so much easier for people to not get involved with bullies.

My works bully has a target on is back, and i make sure im all in is face when ever we cross path.

No need to use bad words hes dumb enough to sink himself.

Hes been bragging about dating a married women, boy does it start a conversation right when i pop in and just start by asking hows is married girlfriend doing. Makes for a grocery conversation turn sour fast lol.

There are such things as adult bullies? good lord...if you're an adult and getting bullied you need to stand up for yourself this isnt 6th grade anymore. that's ridiculous! If it's a boss or supervisor who is bullying you then definitely report em and hope they get fired...on the flipside if u do that, you gotta face the ridicule of your peers for "being a tattletale" which is messed up. I'd simply tell the punk I won't be taking anymore crap from you, and if it comes to it you'll lose a few teeth and learn to respect me

a reply to: dukeofjive696969

Might be an idea to drop the husband an anonymous, but friendly wake up call?

I would, and not because the swine is a bully.

You might save a marriage, or free a hoodwinked, trusting husband...either way?

a reply to: john666

First, I don't think that bullied children standing up for themselves automatically leads to an adulthood where they stand up for themselves. I think sometimes, that's not even the whole point.

I think the actual point is learning who you are and where you fit in. We all fit into different places. To oversimplify it a bit, imagine a scale where one end is a person who never has to fight for anything their whole life; everything and everyone else just somehow bends to them. On the other end, someone who feels called upon to fight early and often just to survive. In between those two extremes is an unknown number of gradients with varying needs for standing up.

You can add to that the fact that in childhood, the stakes in the bullying game are respect and acceptance. When one becomes an adult, the stakes are more complex; involving not just social standing, but also financial resources and responsibilities, as well as relationships.

I also think you might have been a bit clearer about the bullied children/bullied adults analogy. It wasn't obvious to me, but it seemed like you were inferring that bullied children who learn to stand up for themselves then turn around in adulthood and allow themselves to be bullied again. It seems unlikely to me, and I can't help wondering if the "bullied adults" in your scenario might not have been bullied as children, and therefore wouldn't have learned how to cope with it.

I used the example of the boss and the employee, because this is the most obvious example, of violence between adults, that does not, generally speaking, turn into a murder affair.
But what I was trying to say, is that The Government, and the multinational corporations, are doing much greater damage to the people, than a child bully does to other children. These structures, are of course controlled, BY POWERFUL ADULT PEOPLE, and yet other people, who are suffering because of these structures, never seem to get the idea, that maybe it would be a good thing, if they THE PEOPLE, would fight back VIOLENTLY, against those oppressing structures.
In another words, they do not follow the advice, that they give to their own children, when they say:

"Fight back, and everything is going to be fine."

originally posted by: alldirex
Cause you will lose your job.

Not always! Before the company went tits up, I was always in shouting matches with my boss.
When he restarted the company who was the only previous employee that he re-employed? Me! Why? because he knew I was the only one of the previous employee's who actually cared about the company.

Not all bosses see an argumentative employee as a threat.
Not all bosses who seem like bullies are really bullies.
But then, not all bosses are the same

It's cos people are too attached to "stuff"
Smack the boss for bullying you and you can no longer afford new stuff to try and fill the gaping hole in your life.
It's like everyone's mad.

At work is not the place to start fighting. You could lose your job for fighting at work.

Just because a person doesn't start fighting with a "bully" doesn't mean they are afraid.

originally posted by: MysterX
a reply to: john666

The 'i need more stuff' hoodwink.

I need a bigger house, i need a newer car, i need a couple of foreign holidays a year, i need to get MORE!...attitude.

I often say to people, I wish I could find a lonely island where I could go to live, all I'd need is a roof, some land to grow food, and my pc. If I could take my family with me (young and old) I'd be in heaven.

The only "stuff" I have is my pc and a phone, and a radio controlled helicopter. My pc provides me with access to knowledge, my phone keeps me in contact with my family, and the copter is my main hobby. As for all the other "stuff", I have none, not even the umpteen feet wide screen (more space for pictures of loved ones), and best of all, no debts!

I am...almost free

There is more to standing up to Bullies and fighting back than using your fists.

Adults should fight back and not be Bullied. If I was bullied at work, I would stand up and fight back in a second. Probably be fired. But I could not live with myself if I lived my life as a coward. Stand up and fight back. Never give in and never give up. Ever.

Just adding that by fighting back, It may mean just being very assertive and telling someone not to talk to you a certain way. That is fighting back. It's not always fists. lol Just wanted to be clear.