Horrible room mates; Opinions?

This is the first time in about half a year I've made a personal post, due to some unpleasant comments made on a previous subject, and I'm not looking to offend anyone.

Those few of you who know me will know I used to have some colorful room mates in the past. Since this time last year, I've lived in three different places, and I've finally settled down with my once best friend, and my current fiance.

I'm not gonna lay everything out in detail here, to avoid exposing too much personal business.

But, I'm gonna lay out some general scenarios that happened to us, and I want you ATSers to tell me what you think of em.

Do you think its okay for impulsive family members to move in unannounced?

Do you think its okay for them to bring their new boyfriend, who is an ex-car thief and ex-meth addict, into the house too?

And, is it at all disrespectful to "have relations" in your recently deceased grandmother's room?

To scream and play music halfway through the night when others have to wake up for school and work the next day?

Again, I don't hate these people. They've never fought with us or anything... but there's a line, you know? The level of inconsideration here is mind boggling. They both have jobs, there's no reason they can't get an apartment or a hotel room... they aren't paying bills here or anything. I don't see why they had to come here.

And its more troublesome than the previous room mate encounter, because this involved my fiance's family--people I can't fight with, and certainly can't tell they are unwelcome in their deceased grandmother's house.

Maybe I'm the bad one here. Whatever.

Am I wrong? Seriously?

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


if there names arent on the lease, they need to ask permission to enter your property
if they arent contributing to anything, you can legally ask them to leave.

give them a list of your rules.
if they don't like they can get the FUDGE out...

if they refuse to leave, call the po po and have them escorted of the property.
it is YOUR home.
you are entitled to any rules you see fit.

also I'm sorry for the use of the term Po Po .. too much GTA5

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

I'll sum this up for you: You need a different life. This one is NOT going to work out for you ... no matter what.

You wouldn't have asked 'here' ... if you didn't know that already. If you needed confirmation, now you have it.

Better to fight with them now, before they become in-laws. If you do it right, later on will be a piece of cake. Or you could go the rat poision route>JUST KIDDING. Tell them all straight up front, if the better half sides with them, then he too can find a place on the curb. You'll be better off for it. If there stepping on you now, later will only be worse. Personal note: I took my ex-mother in law outside the day after I married her daughter....I read her the damn riot act and what I wanted her to do. It was simple one liner, "( Stay the freak out of my damn business" If I want you to know anything, I'll tell you myself). Bitch has hated me ever since, but her mouth remained in the shut position all thru our marriage. Good Luck

Do you think its okay for impulsive family members to move in unannounced?

Of course not.

Do you think its okay for them to bring their new boyfriend, who is an ex-car thief and ex-meth addict, into the house too?

Heterosexual sex is strictly prohibited in my house. However, those other things are too. If you have family that's doing this, kick them out.

And, is it at all disrespectful to "have relations" in your recently deceased grandmother's room?

No.

To scream and play music halfway through the night when others have to wake up for school and work the next day?

Yes.

Again, I don't hate these people. They've never fought with us or anything... but there's a line, you know? The level of inconsideration here is mind boggling. They both have jobs, there's no reason they can't get an apartment or a hotel room... they aren't paying bills here or anything. I don't see why they had to come here.

They both pay jobs and they aren't paying you rent? You do realize you are being used right?

And its more troublesome than the previous room mate encounter, because this involved my fiance's family--people I can't fight with, and certainly can't tell they are unwelcome in their deceased grandmother's house.

If someone moves into your house and smooches off you even though they have the ability to pay is unacceptable. Just because they are your fiance's family doesn't mean they can disrespect you. It is also a bad sign that your fiance is not sticking up to them doing this. How is he going to handle future issues if he lets his own family walk all over you?

Am I wrong? Seriously?

Yes. You're wrong for writing this post instead evicting them ASAP.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

Do you think its okay for them to bring their new boyfriend, who is an ex-car thief and ex-meth addict, into the house too?
---
To scream and play music halfway through the night when others have to wake up for school and work the next day?

Ex nothing…. those two add up to "current" users. Want them out? Next time they both leave and come back tell them the police were there asking about them.

What Snarl and intrptr said.

Kick them the fudge out.

Life is too short to be surrounded by assholes.

Seek greener pastures.

Failing that, strip the bed back, pour milk powder on the mattress and replace sheets.......

Tick tock tick tock.......over a period of days the milk becomes hydrated from there body moisture and starts to "go off".

That smell never ever will a: leave the room, b: leave the matress

It may help them to reconsider there options when they can't sleep on it.

Party time!

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Ah, The answer to All of your questions; NO, its not okay! Your Welcome.



There is no justification or fence riding. Plain and simple, NO NO and NO.


What you choose to decide to do is on you now. I don't want any complaining and bitching for making the wrong decision or choices.

You can learn the hard way or easy way. Please be smart.

One question? Why are they still there?

Now, they are going to trying and make you feel guilty when you give them the boot, they'll try and make you feel like you are being mean or unfair, but they are trying to manipulate you. Are you easily manipulated?

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Considering the colourful descriptions you have used for each of the people and situations you have mentioned I think it is safe to say you already have your answers to all the questions you have asked.


Good luck I guess!

XxNightAngelusxX
Do you think its okay for impulsive family members to move in unannounced?

No. Unless it was some kind of emergency like a tornado took their home or something. Even then, not unannounced and for as short as possible. Also, they are guests and have NO SAY SO in the Rules. Your place, your rules.

Do you think its okay for them to bring their new boyfriend, who is an ex-car thief and ex-meth addict, into the house too?

Anyone else who comes with them is included the same as above.

And, is it at all disrespectful to "have relations" in your recently deceased grandmother's room?

I don't see a problem with this one.

To scream and play music halfway through the night when others have to wake up for school and work the next day?

Hell no. That would get your butt kicked out around here.

Again, I don't hate these people. They've never fought with us or anything... but there's a line, you know? The level of inconsideration here is mind boggling. They both have jobs, there's no reason they can't get an apartment or a hotel room... they aren't paying bills here or anything. I don't see why they had to come here.

And its more troublesome than the previous room mate encounter, because this involved my fiance's family--people I can't fight with, and certainly can't tell they are unwelcome in their deceased grandmother's house.

Actually, you don't want them paying rent or anything. At least not officially. That would put them in a position to actually have power over decision making and rule making around your place. Like I said earlier, They are Guests. Guests don't get to call the shots about anything and can be asked to leave at any moment. But while they are allowed there they have privileges as a guest has meaning very little responsibility unless they volunteer it themselves.

I've had friends like this that I would allow to stay at my house from time to time. The deal was, they could do as they please within limits, however as guests only, if and when I decided I needed my place to myself, they would leave, no questions asked. Until that time, they were allowed to use my house as their own. This worked best because once someone starts to pay anything there would always be problems about who set what rules. This way there was never a question about who made the law. My house, My Rules.

I think you need to approach it a little bit more tactfully than most have suggested. Just an almost off-the-cuff remark about "so what are your plans?, looking for an apt? cuz you know you can't stay here forever"... See what response they give to that and go from there.

Start bringing home apt. finder magazines and actually looking for a place for them.

I understand everyone saying I should "kick them out." Believe me, I've had this conversation with a lot of friends who have previously been in the same boat.

HOWEVER!

I'm not sure you all understand the capacity of the situation.

This is not *my* house.

It is my fiance's house, his grandmother gave it to him when she passed.

My fiance's sister has been coming here to visit all her life, this is her grandmother's home. And while her room mate situation is hit-and-miss for us, I don't hold the authority to "kick her the fudge out."

Besides that, they aren't terrible people, speaking in "friend" terms.

They're just a bit hard to reason with.

Conflicts of interest, ya know?

I still very much appreciate the feedback, getting different perspectives on ATS has been pretty good for me (usually, lol). God speed, everyone.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


So your just gonna "go with the flow". When you end up in the drowning pool...remember what all that replied to you told you. Only you can change your situation..or you'll marry into it and be "trapped" in a siuation that will slowly erode away your ability to care about any of the folks you mentioned in your OP. Sometimes just standing up and saying your piece will cause change, sometimes it don't. Peace OYM1262

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Tell your better half that he needs to charge them rent. It will help you two save money as well, for renevations to the house. Pressure him, and he will do that, and if he does maybe they will fork off allready.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


If there is a written lease, you may find it difficult and possibly illegal to evict them. Need to check your local landlord laws on what you can do. Some areas allow tennants to have guests stay for a predetermined length of time legally.

If they are being loud, there might be quiet hours for your area. Check on the local laws and call the police when you feel you need to. Best to ask them to be quiet beforehand, give them a chance.

If there is no written lease, check your state law. Most states have written laws on what defines a tennant without a written lease. In those situations, they can be considered a tennant.

If there is no written lease.. If the roommate is receiving govt assistance and does not list your address as their residence, you could use that as grounds they don't live there and are just 'visiting'. Their ID card would probably reflect their reported address.

BEFORE you make a list of rules for them to follow (that the law doesn't already cover) you cannot enforce the rules immediately. Check your laws. Any change to an agreement will usually require a X day notice before you can hold them accountable.

Good luck.

XxNightAngelusxX
I understand everyone saying I should "kick them out." Believe me, I've had this conversation with a lot of friends who have previously been in the same boat.

HOWEVER!

I'm not sure you all understand the capacity of the situation.

This is not *my* house.

It is my fiance's house, his grandmother gave it to him when she passed.

My fiance's sister has been coming here to visit all her life, this is her grandmother's home. And while her room mate situation is hit-and-miss for us, I don't hold the authority to "kick her the fudge out."

Besides that, they aren't terrible people, speaking in "friend" terms.

They're just a bit hard to reason with.

Conflicts of interest, ya know?

I still very much appreciate the feedback, getting different perspectives on ATS has been pretty good for me (usually, lol). God speed, everyone.

You have the cookie...he'll do what you tell him to do.

XxNightAngelusxX



Do you think its okay for impulsive family members to move in unannounced?

Do you think its okay for them to bring their new boyfriend, who is an ex-car thief and ex-meth addict, into the house too?

And, is it at all disrespectful to "have relations" in your recently deceased grandmother's room?

To scream and play music halfway through the night when others have to wake up for school and work the next day?


Am I wrong? Seriously?

You already know the answers to all four questions. You also already know you aren't "wrong" to feel such despair over it.
What you don't know yet, is how to get rid of the problem. Well, you do... but you're reluctant to do it for fear of either making a big scene, hurting someone or both.
Or maybe you are in a way stuck with your back against the wall. Perhaps this is the only situation you can manage right now.

They go or you go. If that is the only available choice, after having spoken at length to them about respect and compromise, and yet failed to get through.

Decide what you can handle for sanity's sake. Doesn't sound like they are receptive to knowing what shared respectful living arrangments are.

Only you know, how much you can or want to handle. Only you could ever know the entire situation in your head.

Someone needs to have a little pow wow and sort this out. If you have, without luck, it's time to move on.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


It doesn't' matter it was once his grandmother's house. It is now his. Grandma is gone.

When my husband inherited his grandmother's house, his cousin couldnt' waltz in and do what she wanted like she did before. New owners, new rules.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I hate to even suggest this, but maybe you and your fiance should consider looking elsewhere - there comes a point when it get's to be too much, and it sounds like it's starting to boil over on your end. Think of it like a haunted house where the ghost refuses to leave; even I would consider leaving the property if things got too violent (then again, I'd politely remind the ghost that until it can pay the money forward to claim the domain, it'll never own the home).

I know you probably like it there, but there are several greener pastures, and like previous posters said: It's better to put it out in the open now rather than later. If you have to get your point across with the relatives, then it's better to get it over with sooner than later. For all you know, they might not even realize they are causing a problem.

If the situation get's too dire, you can try an ultimatum with your fiance - but be warned though; if he's got an iron will, it'll backfire and you may be the one moving on.

Now, me being me, if I were in that situation, let's just say I have my tricks up my sleeve (high-frequency sounds being generated underneath their favorite snuggling spot always do the trick). I'd also be calling the police when they are legally doing something wrong.

As for the ex-car thief and ex addict part - I would tread lightly, but I'm sure by now he'd know that if he pulled something, it's back to jail he goes (I went to college with an ex-felon; never even knew he was until he gave a report on how life behind bars changed him for the better).

-fossilera