Would You Take Mulligan on Your Life?

Would You Take Mulligan on Your Life?

In layman’s terms, a mulligan is a do-over. Would you take a mulligan on your life? If so, where would you begin your restart point? Is there a specific moment where you made a decision you regretted so much so that you would return to that moment and make a different choice with the hopes there would be a different outcome. What if ultimately, the path ends up being the same regardless? Maybe the choice you regret is actually the one you were supposed to make in order to learn a specific lesson. Maybe what we think of as free will is imposed on us by a divine power. Maybe what we think of as others free will choices are equally decided by destiny.

Do we really make our own destiny? I sometimes wonder if in fact we have any real control of our ultimate destination in this life or any other life. Maybe we are just kidding ourselves thinking that free will is even allowed. Maybe we are kidding ourselves to think there is an ultimate destiny where we become one with our source and live in eternal peace. When I fantasize about having a moment where I can go back and change a decision I made it has to do with a decision made by my parents that I was forced to accept; a 12 year old rarely has the option to speak their mind about a situation that is brought about by the decisions made by their parents.

For many years I blamed myself for allowing this to happen to me. I thought I had caused bad karma to crash down on me and teach me a lesson for some unspeakable act I had committed in a previous lifetime. The tricks we play with our minds; not only did I not have control over the decision, I did not have control over the manipulation I received at the hands of a pedophile. Unless you have been abused it is hard to fathom the reasoning that goes into the aftermath.

I was treated as though I was being taught. This person was a respected member of the religious community. They were a police officer in a large municipality. They were trusted to teach children and teenagers religious practices. Their great Uncle was the head of the congregation; a man I dearly loved. This man passed away before I had the chance to tell him what had happened to me and many other children at the hands of his nephew; he would have been very angry needless to say and I have no doubt he would have believed every word I had to say.

This behavior went on under the nose of the entire community and I know I was not the only one affected, but it was ignored. Obvious signs of strange behavior by this person went completely ignored. Why? Because the truth would have been just to hard to deal with. He fled jurisdiction when he thought he was busted. There was a parent of a friend of mine that was making noise. About that time, I was sent to a drug program and the pedophile probably thought that his days were numbered with me spilling the beans at my program. I did not have the ability to understand any of this behavior for many years, so, much of what I know today is completely in hindsight. It took me almost killing myself many times through self destructive behavior patterns before I had the most amazing experience of my life up to that point; a repressed memory episode.

To many, a repressed memory episode seems farfetched. Most times it requires hypnosis to induce a repressed memory and it comes with a specific set of questions intended to achieve the memory in question; mine did not happen that way. Up to the day it happened, whenever I got in a depressed state of mind and became alcohol or drug induced; my feelings about that relationship always ended with me thinking I caused everything to happen with this pedophile and the relationship that ensued. I never allowed myself to go back far enough in my memory to see the very beginning and how it all started.

Then one day, while living in a friends guest room, after another failed relationship that I had to run away from, I had decided to end it all. My main concern was making sure whatever I did was final; that I didn’t screw that up like everything else in my life up to that point. I was estranged from my family because of my destructive behavior; they wanted nothing to do with me. They didn’t want me around and I didn’t blame them. I rarely talked to them for obvious reasons at the time, but the truth was I was angry with my parents for not protecting me from this pedophile and making a decision that affected my life dramatically.

So there I was with my cat MJ locked in my room; she was on the floor beside the bed and me I was looking at the ceiling crying my eyes out trying to come up with the answer for how I was going to end my life. Pills? Razors? Gun? Poison? Then it happened and how was very weird; my cat MJ jumped up on the bed and climbed on my chest and put her paws directly over my heart. All of the sudden I had this incredible feeling of energy surge through me as if I was being given a shock to bring me back to life; everything came rushing back to me like a video being played backwards. Only this time I was able to go back to the very first night this pedophile began his abuse and I remembered it all.

I would be able to write a book about my abuse and the results brought about, but I would need many more pages to share that here. This brings me to the point of why I began to write this account and the question I put forth at the beginning; if I could still be where I am today and I could undo what happened to me that fateful night I would certainly do it. I learned some very valuable lessons though and I have the ability to talk openly about it to others and I did what I could to bring attention to this matter in the community that it occurred in and the city where he decided to go.

If I could save one child from the pain I incurred then I will accept it as a part of my destiny as a lesson I needed to learn. I no longer feel that this was punishment at the hands of bad karma; rather an infliction at the hands of a disgusting individual.

In reality, there is no going back to change anything. It is up to each of us to make wise choices that will benefit others rather than cause harm. There are many habits that we have daily that we continue to do without regard for others; some overt and some covert, some innocent and some diabolical, some to an extreme and some to a lesser degree. You know what habits you have and you know the results and intentions behind all of them.

Past, Present and Future can only be viewed one way; you can’t undo what is done in the past, live for today and plan for the future. Your decisions play a part in all aspects.

Soul

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


A do-over is only good if you retain the memories of the past.

There is a ton of stuff I regret in my adolescence and would like to undo

Knowing I will have a marriage that is rocky for more than 15 years, really rocky, although great now, would I want to endure it again?

There is the problem. What day and hour did I conceive my genius daughter who has two very smart and beautiful children? What day and hour did I conceive my opera singer daughter who is both beautiful and talented? To insure they exist, I will live with all the pain I would like to undo.

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


Interesting question. I have always asked myself this in the back of my mind, picking a date/year to restart and do it again. At this point though I think I would just let it run its course. I wish all the doom porn would get it over with to the big show/grand finale. I have learned enough and accomplished my mission in this life.
Firepiston

I believe that everything happens for a reason, whether it's good or bad. The things that happened in the past make us who we are today. Sometimes we have to endure truly awful things, but it creates within us true beauty if we learn and grow from it.

What we go through isn't as important as how we handle the aftermath. What will you do with your experiences? Choose to help others by reaching out to them when they are hurting. When you give of yourself, you begin to heal.

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


If I could retain all the knowledge I have now then yeah, I'd go back. I'd start at around 12 or 13. That's when the wheels began to fall off..

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


Hi Soul. I read your OP and found it really helped me to search my own life. I related to much of what you wrote, especially the questioning where the initial choice lay and I cannot see where I was anything but duped by a health professional. My response was to run away as far as I could get from the scene because I did not have the wherewithal to know how to fight against the system at that time. For a while after, all decisions made came about without enough reflection as I felt that I was just responding as opposed to having some input into my own scenario.

Would I want to do a mulligan? In the choice of careers, it's for sure that I would.

No chance.

My life may have sucked for awhile, and I may not be quite where I want to. But, when I think about my current situation...I wouldn't want anything else. Hell, it could be way worse...I'm thankful I don't have to wake up everyday with an assault rifle by my side, hoping some crazy rebels don't blow into town...all while being 9 years old. I'll take having a loving family, a great gf, and the best friends, with little to no money most of the time, over any of that.

I agree that without the knowledge, you're likely to just do the same exact things all over again. Furthermore, if this life sucks for you, then let it be done when it's done, to hell with living a crappy life all over again when I could live as something new and hopefully "better".

Some believe life is completely random, while others that everything has meaning. I look at it more like we're on a large freeway, going to specific places. Now we can go there anyway we want and whether it's fast, slow, swerve left or right, do it in a Ford or a Ferrari, you're still going to end up at those major destinations. So I believe most things are completely of free will and random, while others are almost impossible to avoid, and probably for good reason. Then you get to mix in what some call "divine intervention" type events when you're going way off the road, ask anyone that's experienced them, undeniable. So whatever label you use for those events, they're proof for most of "destiny", at least for some things, but without at least a little randomness, what's the point?

I know it's tempting to daydream of perfect lives without the terrible things that have happened to us, but I truly believe it does have importance to our spiritual evolution to experience that pain. I also wonder if by avoiding these major signposts of our lives, if we don't somehow incur penalties or more difficult circumstances because of it. It's been said, making the best of whatever you do have, is probably always good advice.

I would do a restart just to relive my childhood. I dunno but I may be on the brink of a MLC. I miss my childhood and the lack of worry that I had then. So I would take a mulligan even if I didn't change a thing. Just to do it all over again.

I've had a lot of pain in my life, and lately things have been really, really hard, but I don't think I'd take a mulligan. What good would it do? Everything that happens to us is material for personal growth, spiritual strengthening, and for me personally, artistic creation. Sometimes I do wish that things were different, that I had made different choices, that I made certain decisions sooner, or that I hadn't made certain choices at all. One big example is waiting for so many years to start writing. But then, I don't think any of my work would have been as good without having all of those years of hard experience behind me so my writing could be powerful and meaningful. I wish I hadn't gotten into debt in my 20's, but now I'm motivated to stay debt-free. I wish I had a less chaotic and difficult childhood, but that made me a more compassionate and understanding person. I wish I wasn't a 5 foot 9 inch tall redhead because I hate being visible, but I have the damn hair and the height and it is what it is. But I don't think I'm wise enough to be able to choose what I should "do over", anyway. I am trying to be more in a state of acceptance and gratitude, although that's hard when things aren't going well.

The idea of repeating it all seems hellish and would make me too different of a person than I care to be but I would certainly to a more recent point in my life recant my reluctance to act which was based on my as of this point incorrect premise that conditions would eventually be perfect or better. Short clear answer yes I would take it… but only at a certain point… regarding if it changed nothing? I don't believe it's possible; I think given you give something your all it is hard to have regrets and the change I would enact would in fact be me giving it my all without reservation therefore changing everything.

The rub is as you said… does it all happen for a reason? I clearly learned a lesson from this, one I can pass on to others but did it happen for the lesson? (I hate this idea) or do we simply see lessons more clearly through the lens of times past and regret? No real answers here save for yes I would change things…

defeats the purpose and not worth considering.
hindsight creates a fool