What do you do when life seems to throw endless problems your way???

I hurt my leg a few days ago. So I haven't been very mobile. I've had to sit around more or less not doing too much. It kinda got me thinking a little about life. Like I'm not one to complain, I'd rather count the good things in life, but I can't believe how many problems I have right now and problems I've had in the past. Like it's a lot.

So many that you can't even get upset over them anymore. Like it's beyond that. At this point is like there's not much else that can go wrong that will phase me. I'm kinda passed that point already. I'm sort of grown a thick skin, so I'm bothered for all of 10 minutes then I'm fine again.

But most recently over the last few years the size and scope of the problems thrown my way have been "very large". Like I'm actually facing jail time right now. Plus the tax people assessed me so heavily that I could file for bankruptcy tomorrow if I wanted to, no problem at all there. So that even adds more problems, like I can't get a job very easy, I can't buy a house, I can't travel, seems like all I can do is exist and continue to move forward in life. And in all honesty those are just a few of the issues. Those aren't even the major things, in all honesty I have a 19 yr old daughter who's out there somewhere. I can't even remember her name. I've thought about contacting her but I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to, and even if I did I'm scared she'd just reject me for not being around. So ya there's some big issues floating around. It just sucks.

Since I'm talking to many of you I thought I'd share that and see what you're advice is. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all bad. I had a really good 10 year period of time between 2000 and 2010 (i'm 38 now). Those were pretty good years in a lot of ways. But then in 2010 things just started not going my way anymore, wound up living in a single room in a relatives basement, driving an old beat up car.

But I try and look at the bright side as much as I can. I mean you have to as there's people with far far far worse problems. Like I still have my health, I still have friends, girlfriend, family members, Living in Canada in a big city with lots of opportunity. I mostly try and keep my mind busy with TV, games, travel, recreation and a project I'm involved in.

So what do make of all this, and can you please give me some constructive advice? ..... Thank you.

reply to post by spartacus699


I've got a story that would make most people get down on their knees and thank God they haven't been through half of what I have.

I usually don't share it, because it's depressing stuff and I'm not keen on pity and attention (not accusing you of such at all.)

I think the only advice I can give is to never stop laughing. I'm not talking about sitting-in-an-ice-bath-in-the-dark-at-2AM-laughing. I'm talking about just enjoying the humor and irony of all the junk that gets thrown your way.

Misery is good for one thing, it'll make you humble and humorous before the end of the ride. Just keep on laughing and enjoying the little things

Just do what you can each day to want to see tomorrow.

reply to post by spartacus699


I start counting my assets. ALL of them. Your first asset is you. You are the most important thing you have.

I mean, really count EVERYTHING you have. When you know what you have to work with, you start to know how to fight out your problems.

Only one thing to say to you Spartacus :



Kindest respects

Rodinus

reply to post by spartacus699
My advice to you? Cowboy up! Tackle each problem one at a time and don't stop until you get each problem solved to your satisfaction. Focus your energy- each day work on one thing. Your first thing sounds like healing your body- that involves rest and time, but while you're having this down time you could be reworking your resume' and making phone calls. Send out inquiries and network from your recliner. Heal and get a job- those are your priorities right now. Good luck!

reply to post by spartacus699


this guy had a crappy life(mundane Un-fulfilling existence) but he kept a positive outlook and took active steps to change his life, this is a truly an inspiring story

reply to post by spartacus699


Life in the end is always a balance you can't always have the bad without the good. Now it is easy to say this but it is true. I am young and I have been through a horrible 10 years and now things are looking up and life is good. Please don't give up that is the worst thing you can do. If you accept defeat there is no point in trying anymore as you have given up.

About your daughter, it's never to late. This is quite personal but for your benifit I will share.
My mother was a heavy P addict ( crack) lost custody of my younger sibilings for 10years and is now in contact with them both. They both have a lot of anger towards her but they just don't understand what she went through at the time and in my opinion were much better off with their father then staying with her as they would have had to go through much much worse. Anyway im getting off topic. They spend time with her now and building a relationship it will never be the same but it's never too late

Please don't give up hope talk to someone, anyone, just to get thing off your chest like here.
I hope things look up for you, sending all my well wishes to you

Karma =)

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha
Aren't we the smarty pants tonight? It means to man up and quit feeling sorry for yourself- to stop waiting for life to change and be proactive in making change happen. It means when life gets you down to pull yourself up by your boot straps and work even harder to make things more to your liking. Moping around solves absolutely nothing. If you want your life to change you have to ACT. Does that explain it sufficiently enough for you?

Originally posted by NarcolepticBuddha
reply to post by spartacus699

 

I think the only advice I can give is to never stop laughing. I'm not talking about sitting-in-an-ice-bath-in-the-dark-at-2AM-laughing. I'm talking about just enjoying the humor and irony of all the junk that gets thrown your way.

Misery is good for one thing, it'll make you humble and humorous before the end of the ride. Just keep on laughing and enjoying the little things

Just do what you can each day to want to see tomorrow.

edit on 31-7-2013 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)

Words to live by! Definitely how I see things as well. Gotta keep finding the silver lining of humour.
Cheers to you Narc =)

I stop seeing problems.

Facing things like prison are tremendous problems, but what can you do to change it? Focus on that and act in a way that help you reach that change. If you can't change it, what can you do to deal with it? What actions can you take to find the best outcomes to things you have no control over? Some things are simply inevitable, and that is when there is no point trying to change them, or struggling with feelings of hopelessness. They don't steer you in any direction that benefits you or your situation.

There is no point in considering any past problems. They are done, history and have no baring on you today. You can't change them, and without them you would not be where you are now, good or bad. You cannot change that either. But you can change tomorrow. So what can you do to change the things today that make things better for tomorrow?

What actions can you take right now that help ease the problems you may face tomorrow? A problem grows in size the more we ignore it. Or put it off, avoid it. Every little step you take that is in accordance with what you know is the right thing to do, today, helps to alleviate the enormity of the problem down the track.

The same with negative feelings. If we ignore them, try to push them away, avoid them - via any means - then we allow them to grow in the back ground, festering in our minds and we feel an overwhelming darkness that consumes us.... when shining the light of consideration on them, often reveals them as petty little things that suddenly have no power over us... not always, but often. Some things are inevitable..

But how you deal with your options now, leading to what you do tomorrow to make the best of things, is all you can do.. and offers you so much power for relatively so little effort.

The worst thing you can do is consider things futile and give up. In every challenge there is an outcome, it's only the way we deal with them that makes it good or bad, in hindsight.

Or, emigrate to New Zealand. They'll never catch you there and they're almost as good looking as Aussies. Can't go wrong. We've got too many boats coming here, they'll probably be checking passports and all that stuff..

Oo

reply to post by Ameilia


Ya I hear you. The meir fact that we're talking, that I have a computer, and live in Canada is a huge blessing. Like I'm not starving in kalkata india or some crazy place. So ya I hear you.

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


I try not to get too wrapped up in it all. The past is over, I just have to move on. I don't want to laugh at it though as I feel that would be irresponsible, as thoughs problems were there to teach you some life lessons

reply to post by Rodinus


OH BOY!

I'm there too bro.

Without too much detail, I lost a 10+ year job due to downsizing, lost my home, sold nearly all of our possessions just to survive...including my vehicle. I'm having a hard time finding employment...I've got nearly 30 grand in student loans and I haven't even been able to go back and finish school yet. We are staying in a relatives den for the time being. This is just the last 3 months. To top it all off, I'm raising a child on my own (going on 16 years now) and luckilly she was just accepted to a top magnet school so at least she will have a good start to get on her own in a couple years.

Okay...more detail than I planned.

Anyway, you've got to keep your head up. That's all I've got. Yeah, I've got plans in progress but its gonna take time. My main advice, remember that it is ALWAYS NOW. The past shapes and forms us, but we can't let it define us. I've been a productive man and father for so long that its all I know. This ish is hard and it makes me feel like everything I've worked for in my life is for nothing and I've become what society would label as a "loser" or a "bum". You can't let other people's labels determine how you feel about yourself. I have nothing to show for anything I've worked for in my life except for my experience and the fact that I have raised a child I am proud of and KNOW will accomplish things in her own life.

I have spent a long time (almost a year) with daily tooth pain from my wisdom teeth. I FINALLY was able to work out getting them extracted a little over a week ago....and guess what...no more pain and no more painkillers. Baby steps dude...one at a time.

It seems like everything piles up and comes at you all at once. You gotta find strength in yourself to know what matters and what is not important. The past several months have taught me several things. For one, materialism is a joke. You only need what you need and anything else is a distraction and extra weight. Everything my daughter and i own now can fit into a closet...and I've never felt more free. Also, you gotta get right with yourself and not beat yourself up about the past. All there is, is NOW. NOW is all that exists. The past is prologue and the future is only in your imagination. You know what needs to be done so do what you gotta do to get there. Take care of you and yours and eff everything else.

Sorry if this seemed rambling, but I feel your pain...I truly do. I can't help with the jail thing except to say that I faced a felony rap over a decade ago...but it was my first offense and it was worked out to where, now, it's like it never happened. I had ALL of my rights restored and no criminal record to speak of. Things happen, but what matters is how we CHOOSE to deal with them. Find humor where you can and find happiness in the small things. You inspired me to share...and I truly hope you can take something positive from these words I have posted here.

Eff the past. Now is now...you are you...and tomorrow is another day. Life can kick our @$$ but we can kick back. That's what I am doing. You can too...and you will.

Originally posted by spartacus699
reply to post by Rodinus

 

OH BOY!

Yep... but the lyrics kind of sum everything up...

Just stay positive...

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Well when times get rough there's always one thing you can do to drown the pain....



....JD is popular cuz is so strong but Canada makes some very smooth whiskey, it's a bit less bite and more flavor...now for another stiff drink!

reply to post by JamesTheScribe


well that's the thing, you learn the most in adversity, not much in comfort. You generally come out stronger in the end.

reply to post by spartacus699


Life, a precursor to autopsy.

You can live it one of two main ways. You can choose to let it crush you, or you can choose to give it the finger and get on with it. It really doesnt make much difference which you choose, because the end result is pretty much the same, all that choice affects is how much of it you were able to enjoy. You can have nothing, have everything taken away, and still remain whole, capable of smiling, if you dont expect more of yourself than you can possibly hope to achieve, and I personally find that most trouble that people have comes from failing to live up to thier own ridiculous expectations.

For example, I would love to live in my own home, own an APC converted into an RV to go to rock festivals in, and live a life of leisure. I have to accept that I will be lucky to ever be able to live on my own, because I am totally skint, and have no real way of changing that without breaking the law, and corroding my own morality, neither of which I am prepared to do for that cause. I choose to be happy enough with that.

Another thing is, when you have lived at the very bottom of the food chain, like I have, and survived it and learned to enjoy aspects of that existence, you realise that anything less difficult than that, is not relevant, not important, not capable of killing you, and therefore beneath your notice. When you live on the edge of the abyss, you learn to prioritise properly. By that I mean, you learn to value your ability to survive, over your ability to achieve goals which really and honestly have no actual meaning, goals which your society tell you ought to be important to you, but really arent.

At the end of the day, if it isnt going to kill you dead, then its not worth consideration when you are at the thin end of the wedge, because when you are in the crap, you need to keep your brains reserves of effort, and your physical strength, for those moments when your life may be in direct and immediate danger. Everything else is just so much fluff.

reply to post by spartacus699

Spartacus699- it happened to me too, riding along in my charmed existence wearing my rose-colored glasses, I didn't see it coming... could not fathom the misery ahead. For seven long years it was blow after blow of bad luck. I kept wondering... was I cursed? Did I break a mirror? Only now am I beginning to resurface from it all.

I don't think there is one easy answer that fits all (people) except maybe look in the mirror and say "Ok, you've got my attention. What is the message I haven't gotten yet? What is the lesson I need to learn here?"

I learned that I was harboring resentment towards my own self over past mistakes. Punishing myself, so to speak. Setting myself up in a number of ways, to experience misery. I learned that I was attracting negative reactions/situations by 'secretly' believing I deserved them.

So I thought of that little child within. That innocent little being within me who only ever really wanted to love and be loved. I pictured my inner child as a wide-eyed 4 year old... and she was lonely and crying, and needed me, more than anyone, to accept her-- faults and all-- and love her unconditionally. As strange as this all sounds, I looked into the mirror, deep into my own eyes and said, "You are Love. You are Worthy. I forgive you for not being perfect. Feel Love."

You know, my problems didn't all go away but my reactions and expectations began to chip away at my misery. I started seeing the suffering of others, even strangers. I started reaching out to help where I could, in small ways really, but the payout was tenfold. I'm not 100% back to where I came from, but the murky road behind me is longer than the warmly lit path ahead. Baby steps. Looking forward. Believing. Loving. Forgiving.

It's really hard to put into words. Also, I still go back to the mirror sometimes on a bad day, LoL.

I'll leave you with this video. It's about 15 minutes. If you've never seen it, it WILL leave you with a wonderful feeling about our interconnection with one another and the impact we ALL have...