People loving negativity. Is this just me?

Hi all.

I have a question. I've been thinking about something & I'm wondering if anyone else has had this experience or is experiencing it.

It *SEEMS* like a couple of key people in my life can't stand to see me happy. They LOVE it when I'm negative!

I will be happy & the "offending person" will try to do everything within their power to make me negative. I brush it off & go on my merry way.

The offending person gets so bugged about my good mood that every interaction with me is horribly negative.

If I still try to remain positive the offending person almost gets irate and wants to bring me down to their level.

After a while of this - I finally just lose the happiness and I'm negative. I'm down, angry, sad, etc.

Then & only then it seems like they are happy. It *SEEMS* like when I'm not happy they're happy.

For instance, a week ago last Monday, I found out some wonderful news. I was grinning ear to ear. Nothing could have brought me down. I haven't told a lot of people about this wonderful news but one of the offending persons found out. As soon as they saw me & found out my news they were dogging me for over a week. Yesterday, I finally just lost it. I got very mad & then upset. I'm still quite upset.

It's really sad because I'm at a critical point in my life & you would expect this person to be very happy & very supportive of me. This person I can't just kick out of my life at this point although I really wish I could at this time.

And come think of it, I have another question. If you're temporarily stuck with a person like this how do you get by everyday with out going insane? How do you cope until you're able to say, "See ya"?

reply to post by nerdyclutzyblonde
A popular old adage says that "Misery loves company". It didn't become so common place by being untrue. Some folks are so miserable that they can't stand for anyone else to be happy- even those they supposedly love. They are envious of happiness and since their psychological makeup prevents their own happiness they seek to bring everyone else down to their "level" so as not to feel abnormal. It makes them feel better about themselves and is what I would consider a form of bullying.

I can only see one side of the situation here so I cannot comment much. It is good to have a positive attitude but you must consider the concerns of others. I have often tried to warn people of side effects of their actions and they thought I was negative. The side effects became reality most times. Experience is golden as is the ability to see what can happen in the future. Keep up the positive attitude but ask why the people are concerned so you will be able to learn to predict what is in the future.

Some people, a lot probably, are emotional vampires. It seems easier for them to feel better by bringing others who are happy down to their own miserable level.
The whole world seems to run on negativity at the moment and how many positive news stories are there? Bad news sells better. Says quite a lot about us as a species...

Originally posted by KBadger
Some people, a lot probably, are emotional vampires. It seems easier for them to feel better by bringing others who are happy down to their own miserable level.
The whole world seems to run on negativity at the moment and how many positive news stories are there? Bad news sells better. Says quite a lot about us as a species...

You hit it right on the head. Energy vampires / emotional vampires are people who thrive off your misfortune. They hate boring same old, same old and feed voraciously off tension and drama. It makes them feel in control, wanted, and power players in what they see as the game of life.

You may also know them as pessimists. Glass half-empty, why try if you will fail attitude. They think they know everything but are spiritually void.

reply to post by nerdyclutzyblonde

Not just you.

I call them "psychic vampires", but the more proper term is "emotional vampires". Seems the only satisfaction they feel is having people be as miserable as they are. Figuring out how keep yourself centered and happy around them is trial and error. For me, I just try and stay neutral when spending time with one. Not feeding them more negativity, while trying to stay away from personal topics. In my case they will eventually get frustrated or bored and end the conversation.

Good luck!

ETA: I see 2 other members have posted about "emotional vampires". Sorry if I was redundant.

reply to post by nerdyclutzyblonde


The only recommendation I have is to tell this person exactly how you see them, how much you despise what they are doing, and that you'll only respond to them when they address you in a positive manner, until then you'll remain silent. Leave it at that and then go silent. Don't respond to their negative response.

Ignore this person, walk out of the room every time they say something you consider negative, remain silent until they shut up because you refuse to respond. A person can only rant at someone so long until they realize they're only ranting to themselves because you refuse to speak back or respond. If your silence doesn't eventually shut them up, leave your home and return once they've gone to bed. Eventually, the silence will wear them down and they may end up leaving on their own accord in the process. However, it takes a lot of self control to remain silent through all of this. Hope you're up for it!

Thank you so much replying!

It's a relief to know it's not just me. I was really starting to wonder.

Anyone have advice if you have no choice but to communicate and deal with an "energy vampire"?

I have to be around this person at this time. But that should change hopefully soon.

reply to post by nerdyclutzyblonde


There are some strategies that could help when dealing with psychic vampires. One I heard about was to put a photograph of yourself behind a mirror and when someone sends out a bad vibe it redirects it back at them. Another is to imagine a psychic shield around you. Mind over matter etc.

Side note: The ancient Egyptians believed that if you said something you brought it to life, or at least the idea of it. Similarly if you imagine/envision a protective shield you bring it to life, at least spiritually.

*Even if I'm wrong, believing in yourself can have the placebo effect of helping maintain a positive attitude.

I think the best course of action is to first ask them why they are so negative. Bring their own truth out into the open. There's clearly something that they're not dealing with.

reply to post by nerdyclutzyblonde


Try and stay as neutral as possible. It's hard if you spend alot of time with the person, but you just can't share good news or happy moments.

Or, make up your mind now to not let them drag you down. When they start into you, just keep smiling and focusing on what you are happy about. That will probably piss them off, so keep that in mind.

sidenote: sometimes I think it comes down to control. These people feel out of control of their own lives, so they need to enact some control over another's. One that I deal with from time to time stems from jealousy. They are jealous of my life decisions, so they try and bring me down when I have a success. Since I recognized that, it hurts alot less.

reply to post by nerdyclutzyblonde


I know exactly what you are going through. I am living with offending person too and sometimes it really does drive you to distraction.

The best trick that I have found to cope with the situation is defend my mood by not allowing it to show on my face. I smile and glide along when I'm happy but I wear 'bored' on my face. If I get a chance to be alone, say in the toilet, I may do a little jig just to get it out of my system.

Act like a boss, keep a straight face and don't snap because that way they will see which buttons to press.

Have you read any about narcissism? Narcs like to drain peoples positive energy for themselves and replace it with negativity from themselves. If this does ring true for you have a look at some of Sam Vaknins videos on youtube. He is a nark himself and speaks honestly about some of the things you could do to protect yourself.

There is some really great advice here - THANK YOU!

Yesterday, I started using the advice and the person's attitude has adjusted immediately.

They even apologized to me but directly after that proceeded to try give me a guilt trip. I am just staying as emotionless as possible with this person & it's really starting to bug them already!

The only time this person sees me happy or sad is if someone else is in the room.

Wow! What a drastic difference! And so fast!

Thank you for the advice!!!