My introductory post:
I'm a long time lurker (several years). I used to come here for entertainment purposes and laugh my ass off at some of the paranoid things people came
up with (sorry about that
) . I still do to some extent, but my world changed last fall (2010).
Around last September I went through a very dark period (I still don't fully understand what caused it). My thoughts turned towards mortality,
questioning faith (I was raised Christian, but don't consider myself that now). Eventually I became suicidal & developed a plan to take my own life
after researching methods on the Internet ( method chosen was jumping headfirst from a high-rise building by the way). I had it planned out in detail
right down to the note I was going to pin in a zip-loc bag on the front of my shirt. I told no-one about this, and was just waiting for the right
Fortunately, I was approached by certain family members and friends who began to see changes in me - a sort of intervention if you will. They
convinced me to seek some help. I saw my doctor, who diagnosed me with Major Depression and prescribed an SSRI enhancing drug called Effexor XR which
I've been on since January 2011. At first this helped a lot. My mood got better. Thoughts of snuffing myself ended. Life was good again.
Around May / June of this year I had what some may refer to as an "awakening" experience. I do not proclaim to be awake, but lets just say I do now
have one eye open and am working very hard on the other eye. "Relaxed Paranoia" is what I would call my present state. I no longer trust anything.
Everything I know, and was taught to believe in is false... a lie. I began looking at ATS in a different way at this time, and eventually created an
account. I've taken this long to work up the nerve to post.
Also around this time, I began to feel a pull, or a premonition that something big is about to happen. I also feel that I am being pushed in a
direction of self improvement to prepare for whatever this is. I'm coming off the meds (my decision) now and am exploring things in a new perspective
(holistic, herbal medications, metaphysics, meditation, etc).
So here I am. I hope to find the answers I'm looking for in this community. I'm feeling a bit crazy at the moment, but I guess we all are to some
-Fear is the new Status Quo.
I wish you all peace.
edit on 2011/8/26 by NLightN because: Acting as my own grammar cop.