You reap what you sow...

There is irony in death.

I know an odd way to start a discussion I guess, concerning what the topic is. Perhaps, it is I want people to see before that death time comes, that truly what you reap in life is what you sow in death. I have had 3 personal deaths in my life, well 4 if you count my near life experience. The first was my mom at 16, the second was my Gram when I was 29, my near life experience I was 39 (the post is on ATS already), and now my ex just passed on Tuesday the 2nd. Here is the irony in each case. Still 39 for me.

My mom weighed over 400 pds and was getting the stomach stapling fixed from the one done back in the 70’s that was experimental. Not only was she getting that gastric bypass surgery fixed, she had cancer from the first stomach stapling. Vanity be thine basically. I do love my mom still to this day, even in her passing, however I also told her the sugery was not needed. She was beautiful to the right people.

My Gram was surrounded by family who went their own ways, yet only 2 of her grandchildren(my cousin and I) wrote anything for her funeral. It was as if the family was just there to be there honestly, some did not even show up, of her children that is. She detested the East Coast and this is where she passed, the East Coast. Also, like many of our holidays, she was surrounded by family with only a few people who actually were with her. My ex did show up for the funeral, him and my Gram were off and on friends, joined by our children, her great grandchildren. In the eulogy I gave, the one line, I read, looking directly at him when I did so was.
“Live while you are alive and die when you are dead, leaving nothing behind for your brethren to clean up after you. “

My ex, died suddenly on Tuesday the 2nd. He was a transplant patient after trying to commit suicide. Our son has a seizure disorder, has had one from 9 months old thanks to the US Government and a bad batch of OPV. My ex ostracized our son the moment he knew that “W” was not perfect. My ex died of a seizure. The current girlfriend of the month did not know what to do to save him. I know you panic in those situations the first time. I did with W. My ex died alone, surrounded by the girlfriend and our children. My son, 2 weeks ago, assured me his father hated him. I had to respond with that was not true and smooth over a huge problem of emotions on that one. W was diagnosed with his seizure condition at the same hospital my ex had to be taken too, where he was pronounced dead after W’s former neurologist came in to see him, for autopsy reasons I am sure. He had just had asked the girlfriend to marry him, so I am sure it was almost one of the happiest days of his life. I am sure the kidney shut down as to the fact he was drinking again and weighed well over 300 pounds.

For me, the ironies are the fact that W and S, our children are 18 and 16 respectively, they are in the Jr and Sr years. I was 16 and was at the end of the Jr, beginning of the Sr. I was there when my mom flatlined, my children were there when he passed. I knew about my mothers death 6 month prior to her going and told her not to do it because she would not come back. My grandmother and I had one of the best talks 2 weeks prior to her passing. It was as if she was waiting on me before she could go. I was in the middle of a divorce at the time. She told me things pass, never loose faith because the good lord knew what he was doing. I started planning on how to handle the children situation with my roomie 2 weeks ago out of the blue continuing with weird death talks concerning my ex more and more. Which neither she nor I understood at the time. My ex is usually a mute point. He is an ex for very good reasons.

There is a great deal of irony in all of the conditions of life and death. I believe I only need to see what I have seen to know, you reap what you sow.

Thanks for letting me share and please believe me there is no love loss with my ex, our only connection we had after the divorce were our children to the day he died.

Ainge

Please send out a little white light for W and S please. They will need it with what they will be surrounded by right now.

reply to post by Ainge

I am sorry you are having such a hard time and I wish the best for your children.

I personally do not believe you always reap what you sow, I have seen good wonderful people suffer and horrible people prosper.

When MY grandmother died my mother did not go to her Mothers funeral she wanted to remember her as she was in life and I feel the same, a quick cremation is all I want and I do not attend funerals. I hate when people who never visit or care in life show up when someone is dead as though that somehow means anything.

Synchronicity you speak of...My Father died when I was 7 he was driven 2 hours to a hospital and died.
When I married and had my first child I had to move 12 hours from home, turned out I had my baby in the hospital where my father died, I was not even aware at the time.
My Father died at age 42 from alcohol abuse ( a war hero)
My only brother died at age 42 drugs and alcohol (never drank or used drugs until drafted to Vietnam)

My ex sounds very much like yours I expect him to die early from his actions he is never safe and drives drunk all the time, It hurts when they die I think because there was the time when you loved them and things were different it is very sad.My ex's brother just died around 50 yrs old and my ex sister-in-law a year ago, it hurts because they were family once.

My father died back in '06. It was a long ---horrid--- dying. His upper colon blew open, and the doctors could not make it close and heal. Then while he was inpatient, he contracted a deadly bacteria in there, from that Hospital.
My dad was totally an Athiest all his life. He hated religion, and would make fun of it, sometimes. So while he was sick, he left his body. He sat with my sister, trying to verbalize his shock and confusion, of realizing he was wrong all his life, about the 'fact' that this physical life is all there is. All we are is NOT dust in the wind.

The other night I had a dream that him and I were sitting chatting. Like a long time ago. It was very mundane. I think he came by for a visit.

reply to post by Char-Lee


Char-Lee,

I pondered over your first words of me having a hard time. I had to figure out why you might say that because honestly, this man was extremely abusive to me in many ways even to the days before he died. Come to find out, he basically committed suicide. I am in the opinion he did commit suicide. He was a kidney transplant patient and knew about what killed him and could have prevented had he bothered to do so. He got cellulitis, this is what killed him in the end. Now, before anyone begins on me saying I am wrong. Do not do so unless you have been through a transplant situation or are a Dr. We, him, his family, and myself, were all told at least 3 times what to look for, what to do, and how to handle a cellulitis situation. For him, immediate Dr or hospital, so he can get antibiotics and they can check the kidney. Period, there is no ifs, ands, or buts. He saw and did not go, he knew and did not go, this is a self inflicted suicide. He died in front of my kids, so yeah, I am having a hard time with the fact that he did this and how selfish it was. (he had tried two times prior as well to off himself.) Also there is no way he did not know what was going on. We had basically three classes on this very situation. No excuse. So I am not being cruel when I say what I do. I know the medical side of his condition because I was there when he had to go to the hospital for that kidney situation because he drank Antifreeze to kill himself the second time and we spent a year in the hospital for that fun try and then six more months after that when the new kidney came in and he went through the transplant. Just so you know, they did the autopsy, the kidney he had been given as a gift of life, was fine, it had at least 10 more years if he would have taken care of himself correctly. I won’t go into the fact that if the Drs would have known he was going to end like this and not appreciate the fact he was given life, he would not have had the kidney period. They only give organs to those who want to live, not die. (I am an organ donor.)

I did talk to the children last night. They are doing so much better than I thought they would be. I am very proud of them since I have been through the same thing. Thankfully, they have strong family support I am so grateful for.

I was talking about the ironies of how they died not what their character was. I am not even sure why that came up. Both my Gram and Mom were amazing, caring people, yet I did not mention that. It was about the death factor itself, not the people behind the death. I quite agree Scrooge can turn to Kris Kringle. That is why we have near life experiences. As far as the suffering for those who are wonderful, both my Gram and Mom went through this as well. Those of us who suffer, man if you knew my life story you know why I say that, suffer. It makes us stronger. Look at what the Saints go through. It is our honour to be chosen to learn and go through this and I don’t think any of us who go through this humbling would disagree. The nasty people know the 48 laws of power and apply it thus they prosper.


I am sorry to hear of the passing of your father so young. Wow, I thought I was young. That is wild with the fact your lil one was born in the same hospital. Perhaps he was there with you.

Interesting with your brother as well. Again I am sorry for your loss there. Odd of the similarities there as well.

So yes, in a way you are right, was having a hard time, now I know why. I knew before he passed, I knew it was off, I wanted the truth to come out if that makes sense.

I have been waiting for this when he moved back home and his weight went up to over 300. Another reason he would not have gotten the gift of life. Sorry if your ex was even close to mine. It is a life you could say. Very teaching.

I am sure when his family starts to go, because much like you say they were family as well, in this case they still are to a point. I was close to some and surprise, surprise, even his mom and I might get along. There are blessings in all bad. My nickname is Mary Poppins so you know if that tells you my site on life.

Thank you so much for sharing. It is nice when we can connect.

Ainge

reply to post by simone50m


Simone50m,

Interesting with your dad there, thank you for sharing first. If you read my reply to Char-Lee, my ex died of what almost sounds like your father. Oh yeah, all three of my death worlds, were due to bacteria. My mom, Gram, and ex.

Well often Atheist to pass in that manor because there are not death bed confessions. I am sure it was such a shock to him and what a wonderful gift for your sister. What a wonderful gift for you.

I am sure you were chatting with him. Yes, I am sure he came by for a visit, what else is there to do when there is nothing to do all day after you have visited all the dead? I am joking there, please laugh. (ok I see dead people so for me it is a humor moment.)

For me, I have always handled death well. Oh yes, my son wrote a poem for the funeral, my daughter did the eulogy. I did the eulogy for my Gram and wrote a poem for my Mom.

It just keeps getting weirder.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Ainge

reply to post by Ainge


Thanks so much for that. My dad told my sister that he would float up to the hospital ceiling and watch everything/everyone down below around him. I don't know how many times he did this though. My sister, who is a devout fundamentalist born again Christian, was praying one day, to God, asking him to tell her where my dad went. She is obsessed with the idea of eternal lake-of-fire hell (which makes her -difficult- for the rest of us family to visit her) but she suddenly recieved this vision in her mind, that dad was in this huge fantastically beautifull city, with gold streets. "Ask and ye shall recieve!"
I hope I didn't give the message, though, that my dad deserved what happened to him. Eek! I just got caught up in you all's accounts and uh, forgot about the -title- of this thread.......

reply to post by Char-Lee

personally do not believe you always reap what you sow, I have seen good wonderful people suffer and horrible people prosper.

Ohhhhh ME TOO. It's just --enrage'ioning--- . I know this one person who was really mean to me, but everyone else (seemingly) who knows and deals with him, are all starry-eyed agaga. He's supremely popular and travels all over the world, and can't show enough pictures of the fun he's having. But just question or disagree with him. Once. Then they'd see. I decided that he possesses ALL the listed aspects for sociopath and he's also an aggressive extrovert.
I'm totaly opposite of all that. We types get kicked to the curb.

My heart goes out to you and yours. I relate completely.

I have my own stories better kept.... but I can say 2 things about my most recent loss.

1. He was ready to go. Had been slowly trying to kill himself for about 5 years.
2. I believe the reason he could not move on sooner, was because he had something to teach me...

As soon as I learned.... He left.

Almost a year later... it hasn't gotten any easier
I don't believe there's any such thing as closure.

But I'm learning to live with it.

I miss him every day.