Advice for Parents from an 18 Year Old.

reply to post by kunuk


and also because they have no parents, or parents who do not care about them.


as long as your happy letting your kids do whatever they like, because it may cause 'issues', as long as your kids are not influencing my kids it has nothing to do with me.

yes i have seen the effects of parents who just let their kids do whatever they want and make their own mistakes.






i think there is a balance between letting them do what they want and sufficating them. but the vibes i'm getting from this thread is parents should just let their kids do what they want and stop hassling them about making a mistake. to me it depends what the mistake is going to be, and drugs should not be encouraged regardless of how cool the younger generation think it is to smoke/take it.

I would like to have your opinion on this site............

freerangekids.wordpress.com...


BTW. I've raised 5 of my own and mentored a number of others, when you got kids more always end up at your place, kind of like cats.

P.S. Bury them at twelve and dig 'em up at twenty.

I agree with a lot of your points. I'm a 41 year old mother of two who works with children as well. One of the things I see a lot in my work are kids who are highly influenced by TV and video games. It seems like parents have gotten very laizez faire with what kids watch and play. The day I witnessed preschoolers playing Twilight and knowing the whole storyline, I started to lose faith in society. Maybe Twilight isn't a bad thing, but come on, these are 3 and 4 year-olds. I see a lot of Hannah Montana, whatever is hot for Disney at the time, etc. It's kind of sad, because at show and tell, these are the things we always see-the commercialized parts of the TV obsession. Sometimes, I check backpacks and find crafts and papers from days ago still in there. Do the parents not care or have time? Why have kids then? The kids get so excited when they make something, usually telling me that they are giving it to mom or dad. I guess I don't get it because I've always taken time with my kids. And I don't think it stops when they enter high school either. I still get involved at school and at home. I've also allowed my kids to make mistakes, work out solutions themselves, etc. They know I'm here if they need me and they come to me with important problems. We have a mother where I work who always tries to negotiate with her son. Obviously, that doesn't work. I think you are on a good path with most of your ideas. The one about drugs, I don't agree with. I started alcohol and drug education with my kids young and I practice what I preach. We live in an alcohol free home. That is probably the biggest deterrent I know of for kids. My kids know about and understand the family history of alcohol abuse. They know the risk they will be taking if they experiment and how lives can be forever changed and damaged by that first drink. My daughter gave the speech for her school's DARE program. I've never been more proud of her as she spoke of how her life was affected by alcohol. There was some painful stuff there, but she presented it with a dignity that you see in few adults. My hope is, of course, that my kids will avoid alcohol and drugs completely. If I caught them using it, discipline would be swift and sure, mainly because they are underage. Later in life, if it's something they choose, I can't really stop them, but I have given them tools to help make reasonable, well educated decisions. They have so much more than the kid that only sees the "good times" these things can bring to them.

reply to post by BLKMJK


well we both read write draw with the kids ill be trying to help with maths and stuff like that i dont want the kids making the mistakes i did( i left school at 14) and through atolt of hard work ive managed to get a career with 1 skill i do have im a tattooist and have been for 8 years now i want the kids tohave alot more options than i did when it comes to job prospects but we will talk atot more about that when they enter there teens and hopefully i can offer them some advice

Originally posted by papathetata
reply to post by BLKMJK

 

well we both read write draw with the kids ill be trying to help with maths and stuff like that i dont want the kids making the mistakes i did( i left school at 14) and through atolt of hard work ive managed to get a career with 1 skill i do have im a tattooist and have been for 8 years now i want the kids tohave alot more options than i did when it comes to job prospects but we will talk atot more about that when they enter there teens and hopefully i can offer them some advice

I had a rough go as well and was on the streets at 16 because of drugs and was fortunate to learn a trade without an education. I think because of the dumb stuff I went through, I pampered my oldest to much. My two younger kids 10 and 14 do great in school fortunately. My wife doesn't let me cover for them even though they run to me when Momma's mad lol!

That is great that you do Tattoo's brother!

reply to post by BLKMJK


its the other way the girls run to the missus when summat goes wrong and im in a mood lol[they know who the boss is lol] both my girls love the tattooin and my youngest cant go a day without drawing summat on herself or asking me to draw on her and my oldest loves watching me work she always asks lots of questions on how the machine and stuff work and i explain the types of art i use and the background it comes from like the meaning of jap styled tatz and the meaning of different tatz in different cultures

reply to post by NuclearPaul


My husband was amazed when I told him that when our daughter reached the age to ask if santa was real, that I would tell her the truth. Usually by the time they ask, they know. I did this so she wouldn't ask me the same question (white lie?) as you did your mom.

I do this with shots, the dentist, etc. Yes the shot will hurt. Yes the dentist may be uncomfortable/hurt. To lie about things like this and then spring it on your child teaches distrust IMO. At 13 she knows she can ask anything and I will tell her the truth whether she likes the answer or not.

***************
To the OP... You do offer well thought out advice for someone so young. I applaud you for that and for being observant, as it will help you in the future.

I agree with most of your post and gave you a S&F for your insight alone. But as others have stated... raising children is not always so black and white.

There are huge gray areas in which no one has a contingency plan or owner's manual for. Many nights you will lay awake second guessing decisions you made and/or feeling guilty about something you did or did not do. Many times you will struggle to figure out what is in their best interest, while trying to let them make their own way. Plenty of occasions will arise when you fight the urge to tell them their friends/boyfriends/girlfriends are nothing but bad news and only heartache awaits around the corner because you know this is a lesson they need to learn on their own.

More than one night will pass as you wear a hole in the floor when curfew is broken. Pacing and contemplating the bodily harm you will induce when they finally come walking in, only to find relief takes it's place because they are safe. Those are the nights when you would love to have a manual. What punishment is too harsh? What punishment is so slight that they don't even realize they are being reprimanded?

Every case very likely has varying ways to deal with it. You learn quickly to pick your battles.

Even then, most parents I know figure they will do something horribly wrong with their children. You can almost see your child in the therapists office twice a week because you sent them to bed without dinner (pick your poison) one night. You envision them living in your basement at 35 because you bought them a wii at Christmas. See where this is going? Most parents TRY. They try hard to do the right thing and for each child that may entail something different.

Again, your post read more mature than your age. That is good. But know that when your child suits up for the game, the rules may change.

Just my 2 cents

Gotta disagree on the drug part and letting them do illegal stuff.

Sorry, but no - you must tell your kids the dangers about drugs and come down hard on them if they actually do drugs. Really, if your kid is smart, tell him/her about the dangers of certain things and hopefully they'll be smart enough to know not to do it.

I was smart, fortunately, never did drugs, never had alcohol, never smoked, took care of myself, went to the gym to keep fit, did my best in school for grades etc.

I really look down on people who did that stuff just to "learn and make mistakes". You know, you don't need 1st hand experience to know jumping off a building will kill you. Same logic can apply elsewhere.

Cheers.

I followed most of that list . I have a 16 y/o son , a 17 y/o son and an 18 y/o daughter . Things went good until my daughter turned 17 and I was in a ride for my life . This gave way for my two boys to see what they could get away with and at times I was on my knees bawling my head off at what to do next. A month and a half before my daughter actually turned 18 I rented a room for her at a friends house and said go on . You get hungry I'm here, You get tossed out , i'm here , you get your butt tossed in jail Do NOt Call Me. I had to practice what i'd preached . Kayla is 18 and did finish school , she now has her own apartment and is attending Mortuary School. She texts me every night at bed to let me know she's at home safe. It doesn't seem like it but they will come around with an extra bonus - the younger kids see what they are headed for and fall back into place.

Couldn't agree with you more. I would like you to talk about points 7 & 8 with my parents
Im 17 turning 18 in december, and my mother still feels its a good idea to keep me as far away from parties drinking etc as possible. In the past it was really really detrimental because whenever i could get my hands on alcohol i completely abused it and didnt know how to handle myself. Dont have that problem anymore however
The same thing is with drugs, knew it was bad so i wanted to do it. The bigger deal parents make the more you want to do the forbidden action/thing.

But, the opposite is also true. I have alot of old best friends whose parents were drug dealers, one of them had absolutely insane potential for anything she wanted to do but now shes living in her mothers caravan smoking pot. The other one got into ice and the last time i saw her she was asking me where to get drugs in the shopping center, it really wasnt a great thing to see.

Tel-lie-vision makes me so angry these days, makes me even more angrier the impact it has on kids.
Also, its emotional abuse if your parent tells you that you need to look like this, act like this to fit in ect ect.. but its not emotional abuse at all if the advertising boards are telling that to your children.

The real problem is the lack of parenting FROM parents, most of the parenting these days is from the media.

reply to post by littlecloud


That's your own damn fault for not having any intelligence, it's not your parents. If parents tell you ITS BAD, then take their damn advice. I was told not to do stuff, thanks to my intelligence, I realised their advice was sound.

So many degenerates these days. I MOURN for the future of the human race, our next generation come off as horrible people.

reply to post by shadowland8


Its actually in human nature to do what youve been told multiple times not to do. Thats curiosity.
Thanks for the insult though, really makes you feel better dosent it?
I KNOW from personal experience and from the people around me that if you dont educate your kids on what they are eventually going to come into contact with thats when they make the bad mistakes. If my mum had not made alcohol such a big deal and stopped me from doing everything from going out with friends to going to parties when i was 16 no way would have i been so mucked up at that point.
Im not saying let your kids do whatever, im saying educate them so they can make the desisions theirselves.
Because if you have a kid that can be peer pressured, no matter what they will take the substance, and if they dont know anything about it can make it all that bit worse.

reply to post by littlecloud


Well if it's human nature to still do stupid crap after the facts are laid out in front of them, I want to leave Earth immediately.

My parents did make it a big deal about not doing illegal, self destructive crap, and I'm better for it - I never did it, I knew why I shouldn't and made an effort not to and succeeded.

So, I'll go ahead with a tired but true question:

If someone said jumping off a bridge was a really, really bad idea, but your friends did it anyway, would you follow suit?

I wouldn't, but hey, I have integrity.

reply to post by shadowland8


Okay well that was you, and thats good that you didnt but not everyone is you. Everyone reacts to different situations differently.
Being told something like drugs is bad is a good thing dont get me wrong, but when you dont let your kids explore the world a little bit at a time when they are thrown into the real world there gonna make a whole lot of really really bad decisions which is what i did because i was completely uneducated about these kind of things and i was simply told not to do them, then it came to the point when i was thrown into the real world because i had been repressed so much and had not learnt anything about these things a little bit at a time i was thrown into it and the concequences were really bad.
And even if you have parents telling you not to do these things, you have the media which is portraying these things as cool or whatever, another reason why the youth are buying into it.
Young people just need good honest relationships with their parents and this wouldnt be happening as much.

And oh please. "if your friend jumped off a cliff would you do it" and "if your friend had a drag of marijuana, would you do it" are extremely different. Because one you know, results in instant death and the other is well... taking a drag of marijuana.

reply to post by littlecloud


Sure, but you should also know the effects of drugs, you know it's instant death if you jump off a building just as you know the effects of drugs.

So, were you told "don't do drugs" without any further explanation of the health implications? If so, then I guess I understand if you weren't actually educated and told what happens to you when you take them. But I find that surprising, at your age, nowadays, I would've thought this sort of thing would've been taught at school?

I don't need an 18 year old kid or anyone else to advise me how to raise my children; their turn will come soon enough!!!

reply to post by shadowland8


Yeah for sure its taught, but its like smokers.. you know its gonna kill you eventually you just dont really care untill it happens. Its taught with an attitude that makes it easily dissmissable to the youth, and its glamorised in the media so its pretty easy to see where kids are going to sway.
But if you sugar coat life for your kids and hold them back as sooon as that illusion is broken and they are brought into this stuff there is very bad decisions. If you teach your teenagers properly about alcohol they can go out have a good time and not abuse it, my dad was very good with this.
If you do the opposite and deny your kid a social life and make alcohol the ultimate sin, its like holding back a rubber band and eventually the tension is just all to great.
This is to a point of course, you not going to encourage your teenagers to get stoned every weekend. hahaha

I understand your view though, and alot of kids these days are very very stupid. Look at the world they are being brought up in and then you have your answers, i dont think their completely to blame anymore.

Video games?! I would NEVER ban my kid from video games/simulators!
It's the ONLY education they've got!

reply to post by littlecloud

Alright, well I didn't have that feeling, that the longer people say no the more I want to do something, people are different, your right, I just was(and am) always very mature and knew the risks of everything and only participated in things that would benefit me. Drugs, smoking, alcohol are things that I can't see will do me any good, so I'm proud to say I've done none of them to this day.


Plus, you can have a social life without it all being a health implicating blur

Cheers

Just like the OP, a while back I felt I secured immense and powerful knowledge about upbringing.
What a blessing it was to get a chance to apply it first hand. Becoming a parent. Can you imagine the opportunity to avoid 'mistakes' that your folks made !?

Its a trip OP, I kindly suggest you try it. It is the most direct way of making a difference , trust me.


When a baby is born I believe it knows everything.
Then they dismantle you till you know nothing
and your parents know everything.
Then it changes to you knowing everything and parents knowing nothing .

Then you become your parents and as the parents die, they are back to knowing everything again.

wow, I should write that down.