I feel like I have too much control over others in conversations with other people.

Hi, I just wanted to make a comment, I don't know if any of you experience this but it's like I have this special kind of power over other people. I can get people to listen to me and I can talk to them and stuff but throughout the course of the conversation it seems like at times I have too much control sometimes over what's going on. I've found ways at limiting how much control I have over conversations so that my conversation is like a real conversation and not just any other thought I have but sometimes it seems like I am directing the flow of the conversation and it doesn't seem natural. I sometimes try to use this to my advantage but I just really don't know sometimes how to not just be in control. I don't intend to control the other person, or to control the human spirit, but it's like I do it anyways. In the past when I first was aware of this and I found out that if I acted in certain ways that I could kind of control some situations that I'm in and it just freaks me out sometimes and I've tried to do it less. But at least I'm now aware of this. I'm wondering if any of you have dealt with this weird feeling that when you're in conversations that you have too much control over the other person and what you've done in those situations. It just feels so strange to me.

[edit on 29-11-2008 by Frankidealist35]

I kinda Know what you mean. The challenge I face is that my mind tends to process information faster than the rate of conversation. I catch myself wanting the other to finish quickly so I can say what I'm thinking. It gets so bad that at times I completely missed what another has said. I have to deliberately control myself, so that I have a meaningful chat instead of controlling the pace of the speaking/listening.

reply to post by 1rked44


It's not like that exactly but with me it's like when I talk to people I sort of create this flow of conversation and that flow of conversation comes from me. I can control that flow of conversation and direct it to go to how I want it to go. I don't want to control people. Doing that would make me feel bad. Rather what I do now is that I try to share my thoughts and ideas with others and I try to tell them how I feel about things. I however do run into a lot of situations where I feel like I have control over the other individual and it just is weird.

Fi35, have you ever told anyone this during the conversation, and if so what was the response?

Don't take this the wrong way, because I believe you seem sincere. But I think you are merely being self-absorbed. You have to want to listen as much as you want to speak. That is true sincerity.

However, I understand that faster processors can get intolerant at times, but at those times you should try to work on patience.

AAC

reply to post by 1rked44


I haven't told them this during the course of a conversation but I assume that if I do people I know probably be surprised because some people I know tell me that I am very routine. But, it's something I don't bring up usually. I usually would think that I would be laughed at by most people for talking about controlling people. Who would I talk to about this? I don't want to take advantage of people and their intellect because it makes me feel like a bully. I only try to use this trait of mine so that I make my conversations more desirable rather than less desirable. But like I've said before I've been getting better at allowing the other person in conversations to have more freedom when I'm talking to the other person but like I've said in the past I've had many problems with this. If I bring this up to other people how should I do it?

reply to post by AnAbsoluteCreation


Thanks for the advice but I don't think that's my problem. I listen to people but one of the problems is that I listen to people too much and I don't know when to stop talking to them and that's when sometimes these control tendencies I have step in.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35I feel like I have too much control over others in conversations with other people.

Says the man who's initiated 520 threads since March!

I would bring it to their attention by saying something like "I feel that sometimes I'm trying to steer the subject of what we talk about? Does it seem that way to you?" or along those lines, not as a rehearsed speech, just simply saying it to whomever you feel needs to hear it. Getting it out in the open may reveal that it's just you thinking about being a controller, at it's not actually happening. It sounds like you have a highly developed ethic to be concerned about this, even if that concern is minor.

I can kind of see what you mean. However I think everyone has the ability to direct the conversation instead of being unaware participants merely reacting to what is being said.

I'm very aware of the ways in which I can subtly direct the flow of conversation to certain topics of my choosing, but I also enjoy taking a back seat and hearing what other people have to say.

So maybe it's not that you are actually controlling conversation, you're just aware of the power to do so?

I don't think realizing you have the power to do that is a negative thing, it's up to you how you choose to use it.

There are always chances to improve ourselves, especially in conversation with other people. Depending on the topic it can bring up interesting reactions from yourself and others that you may have not been aware of before. It's a great way to become more self aware and to monitor your own thoughts and actions.

[edit on 29-11-2008 by seeker11]

Originally posted by Merriman Weir

Originally posted by Frankidealist35I feel like I have too much control over others in conversations with other people.

Says the man who's initiated 520 threads since March!

Enough said!

Next thread please...

reply to post by seeker11


I just think that sometimes it's a negative thing because I would like to have a natural conversation more often than I have in the past. In the past before I was aware that I could control conversations I was kind of a little cynical and now I have become a bit more humane now that I try to talk and make an effort to have an actual conversation. You know what it felt like that I was having before when I wasn't aware of this? It felt to me like I was having a monologue. Monologues are when one person speaks for an extended duration of time. I just get bored talking to myself and having the other person in a conversation talk in a similar way that I do when I talk to them doesn't make me feel better. I guess I can see how it's not a bad thing it's just that I like it when I can talk to other people and experience the joy of being human, if that makes sense to you, I don't like it when my conversations seem routine or automatic or something like that.

hmmm try listening instead of talking so much.

try to subvert the process by saying things that are too stupid and absurd for the other people to respond to, and if they respond to the first non sequitur, don't hit that ball back but drop another non sequitur, over and over if necessary
ones I use recently

HE TRIED TO KILL ME
Have you lost your kitty? /...because I have her...furry and brown...Can you find the cat?
I have trouble with my urine...It's bad this time
HE'S STEALING CARS
How does that make you feel?
There aren't any real monsters, I know that for sure
Yes, I read that in the Bible

(all the above are quotations,btw, but the source is beside the point)

oh, yeah, also:


HELLO?
&
I have to go now

You can also try repeating back to them the last words that they speak, i.e. "The last words that they speak?" "yes"
take the conversations out of the realm of meaning and into the realm of zen...it's better, more like pure visiting, with less agenda...

reply to post by Frankidealist35


I am afraid I am often too good looking on top of being much smarter and more well spoken than others. In fact,m I am a far better athlete, fighter, artist, mathmetician, oh the list is so long. I am just far superior than others.

edit to add I just realized the OP probably would not realize this is sarcasm.

[edit on 29-11-2008 by Iblis Smiley]

I dunno if this would be seen as going of topic, but have had this weird realisation and want to share..

I have recently realised that when ever I meet new people, I make them very uncomfortable, they cannot look me in the eyes. Its asif they avoid looking at me and even try and avoid conversation. The only way I can describe it, is like when your dog was knowingly naughty, and avoids you at all cost!

I try to always look friendly and come accross as approachable as possible. People that know me always comment on how comfortable they feel with me.

What else can I do to make new people more comfortable? Is it me? Is it them? I dunno what to make of it!