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Abuse poem

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posted on Oct, 11 2006 @ 05:37 PM
I wrote this last night, and I was hoping for someone to read it...It's kinda long, but in my opinion, worth the read

Raindrops fall in the night,
like blood from an open wound.
The storm robs the sky of its light.
The darkness sets the evening's evil mood.
She sits on her bed, frozen with fear.
Not of outside; but of the storm within.
She hears the footsteps and she knows that he draws near.
Just feeling him there sends chills across her skin.
He’s done this to her before;
almost every day.
Now he’s right outside her door,
and she’s desperate to get away.
The knob starts to turn,
and she whispers "please God, no."
Because of the tears, her eyes start to burn.
She looks around for somewhere to go.
He slowly steps inside.
She starts to quiver and shake.
She knows that there's no place to hide.
She can’t protect her heart from another break.
He casually steps toward her bed.
She tenses up and waits for it to begin.
The first blow is across her head.
The second is dealt to her chin.
She can see that evil look in his eyes;
that terrifying little gleam.
The sound of the storm stifles her cries.
No one can hear her scream.
The battery continues evermore;
harder with every whack.
Then he throws her on the floor.
The world around starts to go black.
He kicks her again and again,
but she doesn’t feel the pain.
She thinks that this is the end.
She’s fading with the rain.
She wakes on the floor later that night,
with a throbbing pain in her head.
She hopes, she wishes, she prays with all her might,
that she will soon be dead.
Tonight, she wants her life to end.
She doesn’t see light in tomorrow.
Because although these wounds will mend
She’ll never get over the pain and sorrow.
No one knows what he does to her.
No one can ever tell.
There's no way that she can make them see,
how he’s made her life a living hell.
Abuse is the burden that some have to bear.
It happens every day.
But the system doesn’t notice, or maybe they don't care,
that even when the bruises are gone, the pain inside refuses to go away.

Tell me what you honest, im a believer in constructive critisim

posted on Oct, 20 2006 @ 09:05 PM
I think someone needs to kick his ass!

Keep writing.

posted on Dec, 8 2006 @ 08:23 PM
Sounds like someone needs to be shot or thrown in jail. It's a moving piece. I hope you're not basing this off of what you experience or what you do, because if you're taking that kind of crap take it to the police or something, and if you're doing this you deserve whatever's coming to you.

posted on Dec, 8 2006 @ 11:15 PM
I like it.

Of course, I write some pretty dark stuff myself and people want to know if it's autobiographical. I think that's a compliment, because it must strike a nerve and that's what you want poetry to do, in my opinion.

I think that you're wrong that the system doesn't care, because in the US, virtually every jurisdiction is cracking down heavily on domestic violence cases, but your point comes through nicely.

posted on Dec, 17 2006 @ 10:34 AM
Very good! Quite image provoking, I must say.

As the others said though, if it's based off of personal experience (I know a lot of my writing is) you should do something about it. As nicely written as the poem is, the situation it describes is terrible.

posted on Dec, 30 2006 @ 08:58 PM
Thanks everyone. The feedback really helps. But as to the question of weather it's a personal experence, or not, well, in my opinion, it's irrevelant. I love leaving that little question out there.

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