Kids and a lack of respect for their fathers.

What happened to the old days? The days where a son would NEVER EVEN consider hitting his father, let alone a lack of respect.

A recent incident got me thinking about this.

(Maybe wrong forum, if so, sorry)

A married couple I know may be splitting up. During a talk about their split, the wife got mad and punched the husband in the face. The husband called the police, they arrested the wife, and their 18 year old son is now angry with his father and threatening to hit him.

The father is upset that his son is mad at him and a bit concerned. He asked me what I would do if my son puched me in the face under the same circumstances - would you let him hit you and take it or would you flatten him out.

I didn't know.

However, it did make me think and wonder - what has happened to fathers now a days? it seems we have a lot of respect from our children.

So...

1) What would you do in the above situation?

2) Why are fathers less respected today then, say 60 years ago?

Lots of reasons.

Though it is not the case here, most fathers today are absent from their kids lives, often for less than pleasant reasons. fathers today save for a few are doing very little to earn their children's respect.

Since we live in a society of broken families, even those families with two parents are not immune. Kids learn about disrespect from people around them.

60 years ago, society was different, and fathers expected to be respected because thats what society was like. Now, people either refuse to respect anyone, or will only respect those who earn it. Respect is not an automatic thing you get granted simply because you sowed seed and made a kid.

It seems if the mother is punching the dad, that the home life is probably pretty damn unstable anyway. Im sure there is more to it than you have mentioned.

But kids are losing respect for both their parents, just not fathers. Mothers are often disrespected by their kids too.

So I can't make a proper assesment.

It seems if the mother is punching the dad, that the home life is probably pretty damn unstable anyway. Im sure there is more to it than you have mentioned.

From what I know, the son and father were pretty close before this and the son is mad at the father for having the mother arrested.

But yes, the couple are having problems, although I have never heard of any fighting with fists in the few years I have known them. They're both good parents.



I see the family unit today as something getting VERY bad. Seems we are raising kids to WANT respect, but not GIVE respect.

I think western culture is to blame. It is a culture of self-serving, self-buying and self-worshipping along with "Spare not the rod" being forgotten.

I think kids have lost respect in general.

I think in the situation you posted, the son is just upset that his dad got his mom taken to jail. I know many people who seem to think that you're not supposed to involve the police in anything dealing with family members.

However kids have lost respect for their parents in general. I remember when I was a kid, if my mom yelled at me or told me to do something, it scared me to death and I did what I was told. Now I am always seeing kids tell their parents no or laughing in their face when told to do something.

I don't know what it is. Broken families, television shows that show kids mouthing off and parents doing nothing about it, fear of disciplining children because people may see it as abusive. I'm sure a lot of these factors and more have something to do with it.

Personally one of the biggest problems that I can see(at least here in America) is that DCS(Department of Child Services) has gone, IMO, a little overboard. As a society we are no longer permitted to "hit" our children.

When I was kid and I got out of line, my mom or dad would not hesitate to give me the belt or a qooden spoon(in my teen years.) Neither of which were abusive or brutal; just enough to get the message across.

This time-out crap is, to me, just that; crap. Your children respect you when they fear you(im not saying terrified and abusive) just a little fear.
It is way to often in life when people(kids and adults, alike) mistake kindness for weakness and thusly take advantage of that kindness. Alot of times(not always) People will only respect you out of fear.

Im certainly not advocating abuse, but a firm butt-whoopin is in order for alot of these kids.

and thats about my $.02

Originally posted by TONE23
Personally one of the biggest problems that I can see(at least here in America) is that DCS(Department of Child Services) has gone, IMO, a little overboard. As a society we are no longer permitted to "hit" our children.

When I was kid and I got out of line, my mom or dad would not hesitate to give me the belt or a qooden spoon(in my teen years.) Neither of which were abusive or brutal; just enough to get the message across.

This time-out crap is, to me, just that; crap. Your children respect you when they fear you(im not saying terrified and abusive) just a little fear.
It is way to often in life when people(kids and adults, alike) mistake kindness for weakness and thusly take advantage of that kindness. Alot of times(not always) People will only respect you out of fear.

Im certainly not advocating abuse, but a firm butt-whoopin is in order for alot of these kids.

and thats about my $.02

I do agree with you there. However it is actually perfectly legal to smack your kid on the bottom with either your hand or another object as long as it doesn't leave a bruise. I was told that by a police officer. I have noticed however that spankings don't have the effect that they used to have either. It either makes the kid mad and act up more or they just laugh in your face.

Originally posted by snowflake_obsidian
I do agree with you there. However it is actually perfectly legal to smack your kid on the bottom with either your hand or another object as long as it doesn't leave a bruise. I was told that by a police officer. I have noticed however that spankings don't have the effect that they used to have either. It either makes the kid mad and act up more or they just laugh in your face.

Try it in a Walmart. Or better yet wait until your kid gets a questionaire in school asking if they have ever been smacked at home. My sister substitute teaches in Maryland. One of the neighbor kids fell out of a tree that he was climbing and bruised his hip. My sister saw it happen and called his parents, who came and took him to the Emergency Room at the local hospital. The kid was fine, just a bruise. He was grounded for two weeks for climbing the tree though. About three days later my sister is teaching his class when she got word to take the kids to the Nurse's Office. it was supposed to be a check for curvature of the spine, but when they saw the bruise the kid was asked if his parents had hit him. The kis was still mad about being grounded and said that it was from his being hit. My sister tried to straighten things out, but was threatened with losing her job if she got involved. The local Police took both parents from their jobs in handcuffs. The kid was in Foster care for thre weeks before he could go back to his parents and even though they were innocent Children and Youth officials have the right to just walk in to their house unannounced for the next three years to spot check the kid's well being.

Well Jim, when I said I was told that by a police officer....
The police officer was at our house for a similar situation. We had just gotten home from camping. My daughter who was 4 at the time was very tired and cranky and refused to go in the house. My boyfriend picked her up, kind of roughly mind you because she was resisting, and brought her in the house. The teenager next door happened to be hiding in and spying on us from the small wooded area that seperates our houses. She called the police and told them that she saw my boyfriend smack her in the head, which he did not. So yeah, I know all about when people call the police over trivial "child protection" issues. Anyways, that's when the police officer (who luckily was really nice) told me that it is ok to spank a kid on the butt but no where else.

I have heard horror stories though about kids crying abuse when they don't get their way. That is really sad. However I'm pretty sure being in a foster home wasn't very fun for the neighbor boy, I bet he won't do that again.

I think the problem lies in parenting itself. People are raising their kids today to some warped standard where the kids get everything they want, like $200 tennis shoes, cell phones, cars, designer clothes, video games and players. My, if you don't get your kid the latest game player, it's practically considered child abuse.

People don't spend enough time with their kids. They start at 1 year old plopping them in front of the TV to 'entertain' them, while the parent does his/her chores or whatever. I happen to know that my mother carried me around or put me in a playpen with some toys to entertain myself while she worked in the house.

Kids have TVs and DVD players in their rooms, rent DVDs 5 nights a week, have $25 'allowance' for doing absolutely NOTHING around the house.

How are they supposed to respect ANYTHING? They have their parents wrapped around their little fingers and they know it. How can anyone respect that?

If my 18 year old son punched his father in the face, I'd realize how much of a failure we'd been. I don't know the history of the family well enough to say what the right thing to do would be, but something surely would change. I certainly wouldn't hit him back. But some drastic changes would be taking place in that household. I'd start with Family Counseling.

Very sad.

Thats exactly why Im saying that DCS is going on a modern day witch-hunt. I perfectly understand the motives behind it; but, they have definately been a tad over-zealous.

Thanks JIMC5499 for sharing your story.

My mother in law used to work as a victims advocate for my Local sherriffs dept. She has told me some very interesting stories(not too different from JIMC5499's story)

original quote by:snowflake_obsidian
I have noticed however that spankings don't have the effect that they used to have either. It either makes the kid mad and act up more or they just laugh in your face.

This may have some truth. Kids are bombarded at an even higher rate, with information, then even we, Generation X'ers, did at that age. A good portion of the information that they get (aka.. videogames,TV, friends, etc) have to do with a, more anti-establishment perspective; 'Gothism' is a good example. GTA(Grand Theft Auto) is another example. Alot of these things are not suitable for kids under eighteen. But, only a fool would deny that; no matter how strict the enforcement of
regulations may be; there will always be kids who gets their hands on some of it.
Also, that enforcement gets ever more difficult as technology improves.


It would be interesting to see the results of a study: of the comparison between parents that hit they're kids as apposed to those that use an alternate form(like time-out)And of course the differences between the varying age groups as well. Both short term results and long term, aswell.



[edit on 12-6-2006 by TONE23]

Ofcourse, lets look at the other side.

How many kids are really truly abused. Beaten beyond what many would consider an exceptable punishment. I knew a kid who would get knocked out by his father for no reason at all.

The DCS is there for a reason, to protect children. And while to you it may look like they are on a witchhunt, they are just trying to take every case seriously. You never know which one is real, and how life endangering it may be for the child.

re: the topic header - maybe they think "I came out of his ballsack, therefore he be a [insert insult here]"

re: the first post with the story -

what?! Well, going by what happened earlier, I guess he'd phone the cops on his son also.

Domestic violence is really ugly - in my experience the wife wouldn't have been able to be arrested unless there was more than one witness to what happened other than the husband - if the son had said that his mother hadn't done anything and she also went along with that version then here that would mean that no arrest would be possible.

Originally posted by WolfofWar

The DCS is there for a reason, to protect children. And while to you it may look like they are on a witchhunt, they are just trying to take every case seriously. You never know which one is real, and how life endangering it may be for the child.

I personally think that the DCS are poorly trained and many Child Protection workers are in it for the wrong reasons. Many parents who really ARE abusing their children know exactly how to act and what to say when DCS come around and they don't see through it.

Checking out a case that possibly may be abuse is great yes, but many innocent parents are being found guilty.

There are many stories as well of children learning that they can use the cry of child abuse to their advantage, while children who really are being abused are manipluated by their parents into not reporting.

most kids today have no respect for either parent not just fathers. as someone posted before it has alot to do with parenting from an early age and spoiling the children.

Im a mother of 5 children ranging from 9 yrs old to 2 yrs old. although my children have a tv,video and dvd recorder it is not in their rooms but in a box room that i have converted into a tv room, they are not aloud to watch to much tv, chores must be done first as well as homework before i will consider them watching tv. I dont buy them £100 trainers etc as i simply cant afford it they get what i can afford. they mainly get at xsmas or birthdays unless they desperate for clothes. I demand manners especially when tralking to adults, i get alot of respect from my children and i give them respect back.

I find that this is not the case with most familys around my area where the children are disrespectful to all adults and constantly vieing for attention wether it be good or bad. most i notice are spoilt and have all the top gadgets.

Back in my mothers childhood you never dared question your parents especially your father if you did you got punished simple as that. Now a days kids lack disapline (cant spell) both at home and school. children have there parents wrapped around their fingers, most parents are afraid to give proper disipline to their children for fear of getting repremanded from social services etc.

as a young father of 2, i havent seen what mah kids are capable of disrespecting me, but at 2 years old my Oldest (daughter) says please, Thank you, and asks if your ok if you dont seem right. we didnt enforce it, we just practice it.

thats what i dont see hardly anywhere in society, Practice of what we preach,

i mean kids in general dress like they are competing for the Lil Miss whore contest.
I dont like it, i think its extremely sick for a 15 or younger women/gurls wearing clothes i wouldnt see strippers caught in outside their jobs.....

an the way BOYS now a day talk about sex like its the only thing to do, i mean you want a reason of why an how our world is dying, survey the broken youth, im not saying all of course not, that would be retarded, but i can say a great deal of people act a certain way, by that acting they influence others to think its cool an thus the viral infection of Ignorance is continued, people only act a certain way if they think it will be accepted in most cases, im not speaking of unique people as for im not reffering to them cuz they be coool anyways.. im speaking of trend setters, an trend followers, for the most part this is where the problem lies,

it wont change either untill HOLLYWOOD, ENTERTAINMENT, SPORTS, and whatever else get paid retarded amounts of money for, gets rediculos amounts of attention for, an just overall gets a free ticket to ignore the world an live in a la la land while leading the masses thru a life of dull, meaningless dribble, when they could focus attention of ideals that could dig themselves out of places of such darkness and dispair......


Parents just need to spend unforced time of enjoyment, happiness, and love an all will be fine, honestly its not hard to have a wonderful life full of riches, its all about how you look at what is rich to you...



/the end.

[edit on 12-6-2006 by Tranceopticalinclined]

Originally posted by snowflake_obsidian


I personally think that the DCS are poorly trained and many Child Protection workers are in it for the wrong reasons. Many parents who really ARE abusing their children know exactly how to act and what to say when DCS come around and they don't see through it.

So we should get rid of the police force because the true criminals, rapists, and murderers "Know how to get out of it?"

Its there because out of all those people they arrest and have to let loose, theres still some that they get that are real, and dont know "how to get out of it." And that is enough to change those poor kids lives.

Originally posted by WolfofWar

So we should get rid of the police force because the true criminals, rapists, and murderers "Know how to get out of it?"

I didn't say that. I'm glad that DCS and police are checking every case, and they should check every case. What I am saying is that there are many DCS workers that can't see through the many abusive parents out there that are good at manipulating and lying their way out of it. Then they will turn around and charge an innocent parent because the parent was a bit nervous when they went to check out the home, and that must mean you are guilty. Yeah I'd be nervous too if DCS came to my home and I was confused as to why.

I knew a girl who was a DCS worker who said that she loved going to peoples homes and scare them and take their kids away. There are many others like her who do it because of the power trip they get from it. So all I'm saying is that they can be better trained.