What advice can i offer my friend....

In my friends' words...

"I talked with Mrs C. today about my incessent problem to get all stupid school girl crush on every guy I come accross. "

In the last six months my friend has been totally obsessed with about 6 men, and when i say obsessed, i really DO mean obsessed. We talk non-stop about them and they are always better than the previous fella she had a crush on. Her problem is that she tells them all that she doesn't want anything more than a "fling" and the latest encounter happened on Saturday and they were today for all of 6 hours and now she is really stressing cause he didn't reply to a text message she sent yesterday, but before that he did call her a couple of times.
I've told her to chill out a bit, but she really is climbing the walls, i don't know what else to tell her....

SarahC

Sarah,
Your friend is on a drug. Not a physical drug..but on a mental drug. Its part of the growing up process. I am surmising that you and your friend are young. This kind of thing though found among males is dominant among females and some women never grow out of it ..it just changes form. The drug is "relationships" and the absence of relationships means loss of female power and glory. If they are not doing something to keep some kind of relationship or the appearence of relationship going they are not complete as a female. They think they are not living the female dream and fantasy. A well balanced female can be complete with or without a relationship. It is not all consuming to them. Same with a male.
When you see this in older women...they often use this as a lifestyle to go from one successful male to the next succesful male...or so they think. Once again relationships are the key ..to this teadmill. Often they handle the whole process badly by picking the wrong men but are in denial so as to never have to question what they are doing wrong..and stay on the relationship tredmill ...rather than grow up and be self sustaining. It is the same or similar pattern to what you are describing ..just older women doing it. It is still a drug habit...a spiritual drug habit if they never grow out of it. This guy they are seeing is the greatest...its wonderful. A week later ..He is a cad...a low life...not worth my time. Next week another one..oh he's wonderful..this is it. Next week..he's a boor...etc etc...Next week..oh this one is wonderful..I love him.
Anyway ..you get the point ...the renewal of the system is more important than the individual ...parts. The parts are interchangable...of no consequence. It is the renewing.....the rebirth.the sacred femminine...that counts....the religion..from a young age..

Thanks ..
Orangetom.

Thanks for your advice!

(BTW, i am 30 in 2 mos and have been married for nearly 2 years and my friend is 26 and recently split from a 4 year marriage)

Originally posted by sarahc
Thanks for your advice!

(BTW, i am 30 in 2 mos and have been married for nearly 2 years and my friend is 26 and recently split from a 4 year marriage)

well that explains it... its called "rebound"... she's coming out of a 4 year relationship.... she is probably "hurting" and feeling like she needs someone in her life right away...

Been there done that.... divorce that is... didn't really go through the "rebound" thing.. met someone and took it slow, now it's been 7 years together...

anyway... just try to be there for your friend, lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on and a smiling face to enjoy the laughs with...

sarahc...

In the last six months my friend has been totally obsessed with about 6 men, and when i say obsessed, i really DO mean obsessed. We talk non-stop about them and they are always better than the previous fella she had a crush on.

Before you mentioned age, I was going to guess your friend was in her early teens, as that's exactly how she's acting... Sounds like she's one who always needs a man in her life to be validated, and since she's lost that secure one of 4 years, she's quickly looking to fill the niche...

Remind your friend that she's not in gradeschool anymore....but nicely

Ive seen this in women into their 50 ..its awful. They sometimes even deny their children for the next relationship. Pitiful.
To be validated as Garzok..states. I couldnt have said it better. The validation process requires the relationship is more important than the person or even sometimes their children

The main problem with most of these women is that the "Drug" ...relationships..is more important than facts/reality. I think Sarahc that this is your main concern...and a valid one too.
I have become aware in the last ten years how many women are leaving their children and paying child support...in lieu of responsibilitys and running the streets in "relationships". I did not originally think it was that high but when I myself..know four women like this..personally ..one tends to wonder about the nature of this "fingerprint".
There is a shift going on in the women in this world..especially in a highly merchandized culture like America. The men and even in some cases the children become mentally and actually like merchandize..to be juggled or taken back to customer service..just like any shopped or hunted item. This is not adulthood..it is consumption or consumption rates. Just like shopping or a shopping drug habit..the shopping experience is more important than the items purhased.
Just a different view than one normally gets in the magazines and media..
Thanks,
Orangetom

This type of thing Sarahc is describing in women of a older age...who should know better....time eventually catchs up with them.

The fingerprint I have seen alot among many of these women is that they become aware that "Time/biology " is running out on them.
Either with or without children ..time/biology...and eventually the "options" start running out. They realize that they need to get life "locked in". After years of running around like wildlife in its natural habitat...you see them finally finding a man with whom to settle down. All the other "options " have finally run out. They usually have to find a guy ...socially dumber than they to keep up some of the options and there are plenty of them.
I have told this view point blank to two women I know..they didnt have much of a reply and didnt deny it either. Nor did they like it ..by the looks on their faces. Doesnt really matter...they will not change their ways...the drug is to powerful. But they do know that they dont have many real life skills on which to fall back..and that was my main point to them. All their girlfriends cannot help them on this one. A man/relationship is the only way out. They are way to deep in debt to do anything else.
Once again ..not a view one finds on the news or other media...magazines self help books.

Thanks,
Orangetom

oh your friend so needs to meet my best mate andy......he can literally fall in love for a night....as could i before i decided i was happy with my GF.......we were all about the loving...any shape,colour, creed or age.....(in fact the only criteria to be met is a pulse)

check out our website.....

www.bangyoubigtimeforfree.com

regards.

I bet u wrote that website address hoping that some love stricken loser would go on it expecting to find some dirty secrets! well sorry its not gonna work, i prefer to find answers to my questions using alternative methods to pornographic material! so HA!

xxx

P.s. The site doesnt work :shk: