Advice needed. I'm stressed out

Perhaps you need to be abit creative and show him what he stands to loose.

Why drinking and irresponsible spending are hurting you and your child.


I'm sure dude has a completely different side of the story yet the facts will remain that income/debt/bills need managed together and need rectified

originally posted by: chris_stibrany
How long have you been married?

I second with everyone that chimed in and said that he needs to get his # together .




a reply to: CaptainHook

It is not impossible for him to get it together but he has to want to do it. My Father Alcaholic drug user was kicked out of the house by my mom. He left went to kaiser drug counciling program and worked. He lived with his mother and father during that time. He got sober and he wanted his family back and he has been sober for 25 years now. I had been in two relationships with drug/ alcahol addicts. One was keeping it a secret for 8 years. I just thought he had bi polar with all the ups and downs. I never saw him drink or do drugs. He is in an inpatient rehab 2nd year... hope it works out for him. I have hope but I also am not stupid. If he's acting out when he gets out I'm out!

a reply to: CaptainHook
Your brother should re-evaluate his values.

What kind of guy wouldn’t help his sister and children in a time of need. Because it’s inconvenient. Boooo.

He should probably experiment with being on his own lol.

First piece of advice I have for you .

1. Never Ever EVER give this much information about yourself and your Finances to random people online.

2. Completely Separate your Fiances from His . Get your own Account .

originally posted by: KKLOCO

originally posted by: CaptainHook
a reply to: KKLOCO

What if he gets primary custody?

My bio father won custody from my mom due to lies and manipulation.

These days, It so rarely happens that a father gets primary custody. You’d have to be a drug addict and or a prostitute for that to happen in 2023.

My ex was caught perjuring herself on the stand over 40 times in the three days we were in court for the custody battle. She still got the kids….

You need to start documenting EVERYTHING. CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT!

At least she wasn’t caught pleasuring herself on the stand 40 times.

Then again you may have won based on that.

originally posted by: KKLOCO
a reply to: CaptainHook

“What should I do?”

If everything you said is true, I regret to inform you that you married a narcissist. It won’t get better, it will get worse.

Divorce him while he’s got a decent job and get child support. Don’t wait for him to quit or get fired from that — then you’ll get nothing.

I know all too well. My ex is a narcissistic sociopath. Like I said, it will only get worse.

My brother more or less fits this model. His baby mama left and legally destroyed him- didn't cost her a dime, my taxes paid those bills and every bill she's ever seen since.
Brother has lost his job, his home, and his sanity... about to move into his mother's basement at the age of 40. State owns his truck, his drivers license is revoked, and they invalidated all of his state licenses that he might use to get a job.

Only difference is he was never dumb enough to take on useless debt or waste his money playing video games... lots of games to play without paying a subscription.

a reply to: CaptainHook

The husband/fathers that have led successful lives in marriage.
Are the same ones that brought their pay home to their wife.

I'm gonna stop there because the rest is about what you feel.
But pray for your husband sweetheart.

I agree with speaking to his Mother...then get legal advice..you should not have to be responsible for his debts, and tell his Mother that....maybe even tell his Mother that you are planning on moving far away if you dont get the support you need from him and her....make her put a deposit on a house for you...take control of this situation

put your foot down. ask him if he wants to be with you and the baby or by himself. he will choose and then you have to move on

What actually is the ticket he spent six hundred bucks on? I am just curious.

I don't give advice on stuff like this because I can't comprehend his behavior, I have always been conservative on spending, and hate being in debt. Most people do not understand that they do not have to change their spending behavior forever, just long enough to pay off their debt, and that usually results in a couple of years of hardship which is the best teacher of all. When you get back to normal, you have changed in personality from finding all the stuff you kept spending money on was not necessary.

I do not know if you can fix him...he may be too far gone and is feeling hopeless and wants to just go crazy because he feels strapped with no way out. That is not true, there is always a different path to take but you may have to go back to get on the right path.

I feel sorry for you having to deal with your Husband, but I do not know how to fix this issue, I know people who have gone this path and their ability to reason seems to have fled the reality we live in. This is your decision to make CaptainHook. I do not like to get involved in causing change that I cannot personally moderate. Has he always been like this or is this new behavior? I haven't the best track record of helping people with these kind of things. Because neither my wife or I are like this, we are more conservative with spending money. We do not even like having credit card debt, so we learned to increase home cooking.

I hope you figure out how to deal with this CaptainHook, I know you are most likely telling the truth about all of this, but I don't know the answers to give you. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, I think it is an admirable job. Your husband seems to have lost his way and I can't know if you can help him back or just send him packing. That is your choice to make. There are some really bad guys out there, but you would know if he can be fixed, although from recent experience, sometimes people can make others believe in their deceptions. I could not help my granddaughter because I had no idea how things were going in her life, she did not tell us...I wish she opened up to us but she always seemed happy when she talked to us if she was not in a hurry or at work. This is your choice, ask some in your family that are close to you for their opinion.

a reply to: CaptainHook

Yes, you should leave him. He's irresponsible, and doesn't respect you or your kids , not enough at least. Beer/cigarrettes and PS5 has more weight for him. Can you stay with family meanwhile? Is your name on the lease?
If your name is not on the lease this should be easier to solve. Are you legally married or just , as in , common law?

originally posted by: Saloon
a reply to: CaptainHook

The husband/fathers that have led successful lives in marriage.
Are the same ones that brought their pay home to their wife.

I'm gonna stop there because the rest is about what you feel.
But pray for your husband sweetheart.

It worked for me, I paid my business bills and gave the rest to the wife to pay our bills and food.

a reply to: CaptainHook

Oh wow. First of all I'm so sorry you're in this situation and especially with children! Your husband sounds extremely immature. "Lease" on PS5 WEEKLY? Should have put that 50 a week in savings and just buy the PS5 outright since he's likely paying interest on it and will cost MUCH more than just saving and buying outright. Goes to show he is not very good with finances.

That aside, I am glad you have mentioned leaving and I know that's a scary daunting thought but you will persevere. Is there any way your mom or family can help you out with somewhere to go for now for you and the kids until you can figure out what to do?

He is not concerned at all with the safety and well-being of the children. He is ignoring your VERY legitimate concerns and seems to just want to be a child himself. Maybe if you leave for a couple weeks he will gain perspective on what he should be focusing on and what should be important to him.

People who are profligate with money, even when relying on a future inheritance, or the Bank of Mum, are not good people to be around. Your relationship is your own, but try to consider whether the financial distrust today will get better or worse. What will it be like in (say) five, or ten years?

a reply to: CaptainHook

I think you already know what you should do, you just want .... I won't say approval, but you want support for your idea of leaving.
You have it. Get out. It's not going to get better as long as he knows you're right there waiting for him and continue to put up with his crap.

Take the kids and go.

Agree on leaving with the kids. Let him fester on that and see if he can turn things around, but do not stick around to watch it and put the kids through an adult situation they will not understand.

One thing - If he wants to take out a loan, make sure it is NOT in both your names. Just because you are married does not mean you have to be a joint owner of this dept, just make sure you do not sign anything. If you get divorced or he dies, you will not be responsible for any of that money.

a reply to: CaptainHook

Get a sugar daddy ASAP! JK

For rear! You really need to get out, as hard as this is your life will be better in a year!

a reply to: cre8chaos

He doesn't get it. Her point. Talking to him isn't working. And it prob won't at this point...

I was once there too....1st.. and 2nd marriages. Always tomorrow ...

Not so...someday...our tomorrows...end.

a reply to: CaptainHook

You actually have 3 children. The youngest 2 are more mature than the oldest.

Get used to having a spoiled toddler holding onto your leg for the rest of your life.

Eventually, he will find a mother that is more fun, sexier, less demanding. He will discard you. Then, when it doesn't work out, he will return to his 'mother', worse than before.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

You need to figure out if you love him enough to adopt him as a toddler that never grows up.

And you need to manage all the finances, or you will all be out on the street.