Feeling hopeless

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: ancientlight

There’s a lot of suffering in this world and isn’t it strange that the place that we often find the most humanity is on a somewhat anonymous conspiracy website. It’s actually interesting when you think about it.
I know I’ve shared my deepest struggles on here and they were met by some of the most sympathetic and kind ears.

I have no advice for you other than to let you know we are all here.

I would love to hear more about you feeling between two worlds. I have felt similar. I am Korean American but grew up mostly in Europe. People think that is so cool but a lot of times it’s actually really f’d up.
I don’t feel 100% at home in any of those places…

Same. I don't feel at home anywhere anymore. I feel lost and disconnected when I'm in my 'home country', and I feel like an outsider/foreigner when I'm here (the US). Sad really, and was totally uncesscary, except for one selfish individual in my life.

a reply to: ancientlight

I want to say thank you all for your replies and stars. The stars matter too. It's the fact someone thought enough about me and what I wrote to bother with that

And what you all wrote , I will think about it, though it feels very doubtful and hopeless.
Grief is the worst worry. The fear of losing my mom.
I won't be able to breath , I just know it.

a reply to: ancientlight

I get it, I understand

Im 58 now, and LSS its been hard since about 2013 or so when I left an LTR the one I was supposed to grow old with

Then things just snowballed parents' health concerns, and just life, it will beat you down. Ive had a good life but these last 8 years have been stressful as hell and downright depressing at times

I keep going for my daughters even though they are adults and live in other states now, we love each other fiercely. It wiped us all out when we lost my Dad they were very close to him too.

But you have to be social and get out there and get busy, I used to work myself to exhaustion go home pass out and do the same thing the next day to deal with the depression. But eventually, I started dating and it's made a huge difference, you might also consider joining a church, getting an at-home job, or anything to stay busy till life turns around. Chronic depression, like chronic pain, wears you down, try to climb above it.

If nothing else try and stay busy it passes the time till we can't be active anymore. Respectfully quit worrying about the world and just focus on yourself and your boy, do whatever benefits you both in the situation you are in

FWIW there are loads of online sources about depression and living with it, as well as online consulting with professionals.

You got this, AL I think we discussed this before there are other options for depression and anxiety too. FWIW I'll listen anytime you need somebody to talk to as well. Just know you aren't alone millions of people feel just like you do.

a reply to: ancientlight

The fear of losing my mom.

Do not let that fear consume you.
I lost my parents just weeks away from each other. I had a very close relationship with my mom.
I talked to her almost ever day for…my life. I had that same fear right up to the end.

It was a shock when they passed, but also the most glorious thing because it showed me without a shadow of a doubt that there is something “after”. I’ve received so many messages from both of them. Clear without a doubt messages.
Even those in my family that weren’t believers, believe now.
Go to any hospice and talk to the workers, NONE of them are sad or depressed….They all know. Think about that, they are around dying people all day…why aren’t they sad?


They also say you are not really ever grown until your parents pass, and I never understood that until they did.
In one way it’s very sad but in another way it’s freeing.

I recently read about this lady that had a terrible life and relationship. She was really unhappy with her life so she decided to restart her life. So profound…

PS. I said I wouldn’t give advice but I’m a mom so of course I have to.
I’ve read that one thing that might help depression is cold immersion
Read up on this dude, it’s really fascinating

originally posted by: ancientlight
a reply to: ancientlight

I want to say thank you all for your replies and stars. The stars matter too. It's the fact someone thought enough about me and what I wrote to bother with that

And what you all wrote , I will think about it, though it feels very doubtful and hopeless.
Grief is the worst worry. The fear of losing my mom.
I won't be able to breath , I just know it.

Losing your parents can rip you apart, especially if you have been fortunate to spend alot of time with them during thier twilight years.

It's a big fat rationalization but know they want you to move on and not overly grieve. We always joke our Dad would come down here and kick our asses if he knew we were still struggling. It won't go away completely but it gets easier each day its been 8 years on the 5th of April

a reply to: JAGStorm

The breathing exercises also have a way of separating yourself from your grief in a such a natural way that someone who cannot openly grieve has a natural outlet where it just happens.

Ancientlight it's called the Wim Hof app and the starting level breathing exercises in it are free and the only ones I have applied.


I know this will be of help to you, please consider giving it a go.

a reply to: ancientlight


ETA: this event occurred to me after about 15 minutes of repeating the breathing exercise.

originally posted by: putnam6
a reply to: ancientlight

I get it, I understand

Im 58 now, and LSS its been hard since about 2013 or so when I left an LTR the one I was supposed to grow old with

Then things just snowballed parents' health concerns, and just life, it will beat you down. Ive had a good life but these last 8 years have been stressful as hell and downright depressing at times

I keep going for my daughters even though they are adults and live in other states now, we love each other fiercely. It wiped us all out when we lost my Dad they were very close to him too.

But you have to be social and get out there and get busy, I used to work myself to exhaustion go home pass out and do the same thing the next day to deal with the depression. But eventually, I started dating and it's made a huge difference, you might also consider joining a church, getting an at-home job, or anything to stay busy till life turns around. Chronic depression, like chronic pain, wears you down, try to climb above it.

If nothing else try and stay busy it passes the time till we can't be active anymore. Respectfully quit worrying about the world and just focus on yourself and your boy, do whatever benefits you both in the situation you are in

FWIW there are loads of online sources about depression and living with it, as well as online consulting with professionals.

You got this, AL I think we discussed this before there are other options for depression and anxiety too. FWIW I'll listen anytime you need somebody to talk to as well. Just know you aren't alone millions of people feel just like you do.

Thank you I have been focusing a lot on my work projects , lately, even working every Saturday and Sunday when I have the chance. Possibly indeed to run from depression. I snap at my son when he wants attention or to do something fun, as I just want to stay home and be left alone. Not good.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: ancientlight

The fear of losing my mom.

Do not let that fear consume you.
I lost my parents just weeks away from each other. I had a very close relationship with my mom.
I talked to her almost ever day for…my life. I had that same fear right up to the end.

It was a shock when they passed, but also the most glorious thing because it showed me without a shadow of a doubt that there is something “after”. I’ve received so many messages from both of them. Clear without a doubt messages.
Even those in my family that weren’t believers, believe now.
Go to any hospice and talk to the workers, NONE of them are sad or depressed….They all know. Think about that, they are around dying people all day…why aren’t they sad?


They also say you are not really ever grown until your parents pass, and I never understood that until they did.
In one way it’s very sad but in another way it’s freeing.

I recently read about this lady that had a terrible life and relationship. She was really unhappy with her life so she decided to restart her life. So profound…

PS. I said I wouldn’t give advice but I’m a mom so of course I have to.
I’ve read that one thing that might help depression is cold immersion
Read up on this dude, it’s really fascinating

Thank you. Very helpful to hear from others as well. I know , but need reminders sometimes. When my father passed there were signs as well. It helps , and I know I also would at least no longer have to worry about her .

I don't know if this will help, and I'm 'spit balling' here:
1. Go get your hormone levels checked. what you're experiencing sounds very typical of menopausal symptoms, yes, even for men.
2. Have you always felt 'disconected' from the country you reside in? If so, could be a past life 'thing'. I've seen it many a time with clients.
3. Check your diet and iron levels. Depleted iron can bring on feelings of hoplessness. You might have anemia or pernicious anemia which is possible with menopausal women.
Rainbows
Jane

A reply to @ancientlight

In my original post, I mentioned also the hormone levels, and how important they are. Get to a good doctor! Along with that, sunshine is extremely important for us humans - I noticed every winter's effect on me, the lack of sunshine can be devastating, believe it or not. Get out in the yard and do some sunbathing!
And I also mentioned my husband's meds in case you are taking something which you might not realize is affecting you?

a reply to: ancientlight

As many others have said, you have landed in a place where people actually care about what happens to you! We've all been in a place similar to yours. True, it's not the same, but it is similar.

My heart cries because I've been there too. Not wanting to get up because there doesn't seem to be anything worth getting up for. Crying because a loved one is suffering, and there's nothing you can do for them. Wishing you could take their place and let them have the freedoms you do.

These are all thoughts that I've had in the past 10 years. Most don't know this because I keep my personal life very close to me, but my mother had a massive hemorrhagic stroke in 2013. She lost her speech, and the use of her right side. There's not been a day that goes by that I don't want to switch places with her for even just ONE DAY, so that she can vent what she's been feeling inside, and to be able to run around like she did before her stroke. Just thinking about this makes me get all choked up. I think you get the picture.

I say these things to bring hope to you, and to reassure you that you are most definitely NOT alone! While my problems are not the same as yours, they have a way of displaying themselves in a similar fashion. If at any time you need an ear, please reach out to either myself, or any of the others you feel comfortable talking to here. Send me a private message anytime, and I'll do whatever I can to help.

Prayers are on the way, as are my best wishes, and heartfelt love.

"The night is always darkest before the dawn." - Thomas Fuller

TheBorg :-)

I know what it is like living with those thoughts, they suck. You made it this far so you are not getting out of it that easy.

Looking after your gut biome has a lot to play in how our brains work for another medial approach.

Losing a loved one is sad. I can see you do not want to put this burden of sadness on those you do love in your life. Family is tough, ups, downs, daily grudge, decades passing in a blink of eye. Forgiving and accepting just who we are.

Being hard on you son is tough. I know what it is like when feeling crap, kinda the same way with the dog at times.

a reply to: ancientlight

If you could really see the future, you would see that every bit of the negativity is in your head. You control it. All of it. The good/great news is, you also have the ability to fix it.

Look at it like this, you aren't happy, so you know exactly what the path your on feels like. Change it. Change into something that makes you smile. take your son to a museum, watch his face light up when he learns something amazing. Go see the sun rise or set over some water. Even a pond. For me, seeing that makes me feel closer to God, even if only in my head.

Just take an active role in trying to make the life you are in better. Never give up.

originally posted by: angelchemuel
I don't know if this will help, and I'm 'spit balling' here:
1. Go get your hormone levels checked. what you're experiencing sounds very typical of menopausal symptoms, yes, even for men.
2. Have you always felt 'disconected' from the country you reside in? If so, could be a past life 'thing'. I've seen it many a time with clients.
3. Check your diet and iron levels. Depleted iron can bring on feelings of hoplessness. You might have anemia or pernicious anemia which is possible with menopausal women.
Rainbows
Jane

I still get *it* every month. So I don't think it's anything like that. I'm just so worried about losing loved ones , and the last 3 years I've had more responsibility loaded on top (home schooling my son, I own rentals,and I am trying to get work going doing projects for a portfolio ). On top of that , when I missed my son (he lived with his father from 5 till just 11), I developed OCD . On top of that there's worry about the last three years (WEF etc, 'great reset' ).
I'm exhaused mentally and never get to do anything fun anymore , like I used to when I had 10% of the workload i have now

Oh, my gosh... first and foremost, virtual hugs, and if I was close by, I'd make the trip to give you one in real life...

That said, please don't give up, and please, read the following words and watch the video below.

I'd never tell you to go to a therapist, but I will tell you, there actually is an answer. It sounds like you may even be willing to actually listen.

This is a man telling his story of his journey from mental illness and despair to robust health and loving life again, and his is just one of countless more who have beaten depression and all sorts of mental AND physical problems, just by changing their diet:

a reply to: ancientlight

I'm just so worried about losing loved ones

That is what good mum's do. No easy answer on it.

a reply to: ancientlight
Ancient, Please, please, go and find help. I know what you are going through, I've been there twice. Find help, someone to talk to. It is really not you, the place your in is a "symptom" (I can't think of another word for it) is not your fault but a result of your surroundings and experiences and how you see it. I know it's a very dark place but you must get help, please.

One must also realise that this is a result of the Governments propaganda to create fear and self loathing in individuals and society as a whole and it's still on going.

originally posted by: TheBorg
a reply to: ancientlight

As many others have said, you have landed in a place where people actually care about what happens to you! We've all been in a place similar to yours. True, it's not the same, but it is similar.

My heart cries because I've been there too. Not wanting to get up because there doesn't seem to be anything worth getting up for. Crying because a loved one is suffering, and there's nothing you can do for them. Wishing you could take their place and let them have the freedoms you do.

These are all thoughts that I've had in the past 10 years. Most don't know this because I keep my personal life very close to me, but my mother had a massive hemorrhagic stroke in 2013. She lost her speech, and the use of her right side. There's not been a day that goes by that I don't want to switch places with her for even just ONE DAY, so that she can vent what she's been feeling inside, and to be able to run around like she did before her stroke. Just thinking about this makes me get all choked up. I think you get the picture.

I say these things to bring hope to you, and to reassure you that you are most definitely NOT alone! While my problems are not the same as yours, they have a way of displaying themselves in a similar fashion. If at any time you need an ear, please reach out to either myself, or any of the others you feel comfortable talking to here. Send me a private message anytime, and I'll do whatever I can to help.

Prayers are on the way, as are my best wishes, and heartfelt love.

"The night is always darkest before the dawn." - Thomas Fuller

TheBorg :-)

I'm sorry about your mom. That has to be the absolutely worst feeling, I can't imagine. Hugs at least.
I hope you're doing okay.

a reply to: ancientlight
Hang in there. I know it's hard. Felt this way for the duration of the pandemic because of the pandemic and the bs around it. All on top of a lifelong awareness that there has to be more than endless corruption on this planet and the lovely depression that comes with that awareness. For me anyhow.

I think the only thing that bumped me out of it was seeing that this game of life was more about how I handled it and less about needing to change it. Don't get me wrong, it needs changed but everything moves like molasses which is what I had to get used to. In that light, I see that I was merely nature's facilitator in getting my children to adulthood, nothing more. Just as my parents did with me.

Being trapped where you don't want to be is incredibly tough, in your case I assume until your son is grown up. The only thing I can share is that I fought life circumstances so hard that I inadvertently wasted time I should have been enjoying them and their spontaneous ways. My job was to keep them safe and enjoy them and I failed in enjoying much of it due to festering life issues and that was on me. I can't get that time back. This is the lesson children teach us but I didn't realize until they left home. Suppose that's why grandparents find so much joy in grandchildren.

If I lived near you I'd love to hang out. You have a fabulous mind. Maybe you need to connect with local people and find the gems though it can be hard depending on age of kids.

Many people have been isolated these last few years. A friend of mine lives in europe and her elderly parents live in Hong Kong and she was unable to see them since the beginning of the pandemic due to political reasons and policies when she normally went bi annually. This doesn't fix anything for you but I just wanted to show what a maddening world this has become for everyone.

Sorry if this became rambling or missed the mark. Don't like seeing you hurting.

a reply to: ancientlight

You could be in a Spiritual Battle as I did respond to you other thread about your son and Shadow People. I have been under Spiritual Attack [Sleep Paralysis] since I was 7 years old. I somewhat stopped it in 2018 after several decades. To date I have only had it 6 times since 2018.

So what did I do? I began to pray my ass off to two decesed uncles, my father in law and to God. The 7' tall faceless hooded evil entity was last seen by me in December 2018, Christmas week. He was replaced with a beautiful young woman 28-32 years old. She was in a Victorian black baloon dress, a yankee style hat and a fishnet veild over her face with sewn in baubles. I thought she was evil also so I feared her. That same time a brilliant whte shield becan to appear. This is all documented on ATS in Paranormal as a Thread started by SLED735. Let move on to May 2021

I never loved anyone my entire live under I met a person in May 2021. She was a beautiful married saleswoman, 31 years university educated and brilliant. She also loved God and Jesus Christ. She was the woman who came to me in Sleep Paralysis. She channeled Gods love through her to me according to several PhD's and two Catholic priests. One of whom was a Vatican trained Exorcist; Father Robert Morey of the Catholic Diocese of Charleston. All said that she was my Twin Flame. Father Morey said that she channeled Gods love through her to me. It was incredible and its exact as described by people who have NDE. I also belive we live on after we die.

It has given me hope. As for yourself try praying to whomever you belive in. Pray for your son. Possibly try religion as I had abandoned it during college and returned to it in 2021. Now I attend church once a week. I pray and say the Rosary. All by myself I my wife wants nothing t do with the church.

Examine whats pissing you off as you are channelling in the negative demons and they are now after your son. I actually hate the state I live in but I try to remain positive. I was full of rage until I began to say the Rosary. I am better but not at full recovery. I also dont wear it on my sleeve nor push it on others. Your reahing so I am suggesting.

At least give it a try.