The Republic of Finders Keepers - FYI2023 Non-writer

Folks in 2023 still talk about the scorching summer of 2014 in Anne Arundel County. It was the hottest temperature recorded in over half a century in the whole of Maryland.

If you could ask Matt Henderson about it you'd very likely received the vaguest of replies, but if he could joke about it he would've told you that things quickly went south, as George Meade likely would've said at Gettysburg if he had the presence of mind to inject some mirth after the battle of Gettysburg, except there was no general 'Lee-way' for that.

It was exactly this type of humor that afforded Mrs Henderson the magnanimous gesture of allowing her husband to roam freely around the outskirts of Fort Maryland unattended with their golden retriever, Nelson on most days.

Homesteading as anyone will tell you, changes a person. Or do they simply become more concentrated and needed to be taken in smaller doses? Mary only gave it the slightest of considerations. After all, her husband named their dog after a famous African statesman and she made him promise never to tell anyone that.

Either way, it was on a blistering day in July that Matt decided to treat Nelson to a couple of beers and sandwiches while hiking along the Pine trail on the outskirts of 'the Fort'.

In the scorching heat of the noonday sun, Matt decided to rest under the welcoming shade provided by a gentle, red oak.

"Not our brightest idea yet, huh?" He looked at Nelson.

The lab was already panting and gave him a sideways glance looking unimpressed yet used to by now of his owner's propensity to give in to his impulses.

"Dear Jesus, we thank you for creating cicadas to cure our tinnitus, amen."

Nelson scoffed at him impatiently.

He cracked open a can of Unwiser and drenched the sandwich in it.

"Here ya go."

Nelson gently took the ham and mustard, then gulped it down.



His mother used to say that nothing good came of littering, so why do it?

It was this thought that came into his mind as he threw the first empty can over his shoulder.

"Thunk!" he heard the can strike metal.

Slowly he stood up and grinded the half smoked Unlucky Strike underneath his boot.

“What the..? “ Nelson ran past him and made growling noises interspersed with sudden whimpers.

He walked up to the empty can. There was something sticking out of the ground next to it.


Indeed, Matt remembers every single minute of that hellish day.

Sitting in the shed a year later, he stared at the 'Stargate' .
How such a thing could only weigh about 60 lbs had him baffled.
The illegible symbols all over its circular arc had him perplexed.
The liquid substance appearing inside of the Stargate had him falling backwards over his chair.

Willy Nelson suddenly abandoned The City of New Hampshire on the AM radio and what could only be described as unearthly alien noises whispered to him through a muffled static.

It was at this moment Nelson launched into action to protect his owner. Instead of penetrating the liquid, Nelson Mandela the golden retriever disappeared forever from the 2015 timeline and somehow ended up in 1985. Surprisingly, he was alive and well.

Matt knew this because his curiosity got the better of him and he had stuck his head through the liquid.

The same radio told him on the other side that the economic stabilization plan extricated Palestine from spiraling inflation and imminent bankruptcy in what was to be a watershed moment for the country before announcing Sanedonna will be appearing nude for the first time in Workboy magazine.

Matt made up his mind, although if anyone else were present to witness what happened next they would've sworn it was the six cans of Unwiser that ultimately decided for him.

Staring at the print of Dr Franklin Unwell in its dusty frame as the late afternoon sun laser beamed through the window to highlight its unkempt state, Matt Henderson whispered to himself: "A Republic, if you can keep it."

He stepped through the looking glass and the liquid vanished.

The last rays of the sun briefly touched the stargate, then left it to its own devices as it slipped underneath the horizon.

If you look up Project Stargate, you might just realize how ridiculous this story has become.

Everything has changed, and one would naturally be inclined to ask Matt Henderson exactly what the # did he do?

Sadly, not even Mrs Henderson, now Philips, will ever get the opportunity to do so.


-The End-

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Johnny

a reply to: 19Bones79

That was fun. I love the brand names

a reply to: chris_stibrany

I had fun with it too, I had no idea where it would lead from one sentence to the next.

a reply to: 19Bones79

Very much enjoyed your story. It just kept pulling me in, and your down-home phrases rolled off so easily and left me wanting more. You are a great storyteller! I really like that you don't spell it all out, but make us think, and decide for ourselves what it means.

a reply to: argentus

Thank you very much!