Why do we subconsciously seek out the wrong Partner?

I’m at a loss here, ATS Colleagues.
The Woman who I thought I loved has just gone dark on me.
Only nine months I grant you but this sudden “ its all off” scenario leaves me bereft.
Only last week we were at the Rugby (even though Wales lost.)
Suddenly she is too busy to talk and screening messages/calls.
I dared to imagine she was the one but now find myself heartbroken again.
Is it me? Even the jukebox hates me. Everywhere I look reminds me of her.

a reply to: Cymru

Even if it is you, it is not you.

That is a crap selfish childish thing to do.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in.

Just keep trying to be happy and moving forward and you will always have a better chance for another chance.

a reply to: Cymru

We do not subconsciously seek out the wrong partner.

Some people might seek out the wrong partner because deep down they truly don’t want to commit.
Some people only seek out people based on looks and then end up in this endless loop of disappointment.

I’ve been loving this series called Love is Blind on Netflix. People are put in pods and date others based on a deep emotional connection and and not looks. They truly fall in love…..until they get to see people physically.
That pull is so strong in some it’s crazy. I mean, yeah, we all have our preferences. The problem is that I believe we need that emotional connection more. We need to be on the same page as far as goals, major beliefs etc.

Back to you, love is not easy so don’t beat yourself up too much.

a reply to: Cymru

You should feel happy and proud of yourself for living to fight another day and for realising what's right in front of you that perhaps only seemed good because of the positive energy YOU put in.

Many don't make it out with their soul.

Onward and upward dear chap!

You are also a prize, and don't forget that YOU get choices too.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I love the bones of the Woman.
I’m beginning to think it’s Her not me but thats cold comfort.
She has a new job and we were only discussing moving north a week ago.
Hence my confusion.

a reply to: Cymru

Most people in this day and age are always looking for the BBD. I thought dating was rough 20 years ago. I had no idea what we were all in for….

I split with my wife 8 years ago this week. Didn’t want a relationship for the first 5 years after. I found that I was much happier (maybe not truly fulfilled) not wanting it.

a reply to: Cymru

Sounds like a classic case of Cold Feet mate.

She is afraid of the commitment but I do have a question you say you" loved the bones of her " .

Was that feeling reciprocated ?

a reply to: asabuvsobelow
It felt like it was.
Saw me through a few hospital visits and a few days in.

a reply to: KKLOCO

BBD?

a reply to: Cymru
Bitter-sweet love. You have my sympathies Cymru.

For the still loving partner, it often is sudden because the other partner hides it. Happens with partners that like to jump from one relationship to the next. Or the still loving partner does not get the clues.

Some people collect everything bad in their mind about the former partner in order to justify leaving for the new one. Hopefully she treats you with respect. If not, try not to take it personal.

We say that there is a fitting lid for every pan. You will get over it by time and you will notice the moment. In the meantime, love yourself, treat yourself good, so you can be happy again. It's not working out, so sooner or later it would have happened.

What helped me in such situations is to remind myself that I love the person. Therefor I want the person to be happy and if that is not possible in a relationship with me, I am happy to let the one go.

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: KKLOCO

BBD?

Bigger, Better, Deal

a reply to: TDDAgain

This is what hurts.
I love her implicitly but that seems not to be enough.
She won’t even talk about it.
Wales me up to say she loves me one week and dark the next.

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: JAGStorm

I love the bones of the Woman.
I’m beginning to think it’s Her not me but thats cold comfort.
She has a new job and we were only discussing moving north a week ago.
Hence my confusion.

They used to say, "women are like streetcars, another one will be along in 10 min."

They lied, sometime you need to wait for 30min to almost an hour; unless you play guitar, then it's still only 10minutes.
The irony is that once you learn your way around a Strat, women play second fiddle to Fender.

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: TDDAgain

This is what hurts.
I love her implicitly but that seems not to be enough.
She won’t even talk about it.
Wales me up to say she loves me one week and dark the next.

Is she perhaps Bipolar?

Or a Narcissist that likes to Love Bomb and then take it away, leaving you all confused?

a reply to: Cymru

I love her implicitly but that seems not to be enough.

If she does not love you (anymore) then of course that's not enough for a relationship. But that's just my viewpoint. I know it hurts. I also know some are in a relationship and the word "love" is forbidden or even the trigger for one to leave.

Never understood such relationships but then, my perception about love is a bit different so I do not want to judge.

Wales me up to say she loves me one week and dark the next.

Understandable. Consider last week's feeling maybe wasn't different from this one. Maybe she had doubt but did not want to hurt you and thought it's just a phase she's going through. Technically it would have been a lie though. Love seldom dies this fast. If it does then there is new love that is stronger or something happened between you two, that made her feel this way. Some no-go she can not tolerate. Could be a thousand other reasons.

I hope it works out if there is a chance and if not, that you are able to fondly think back at the time you two had, and move on when you feel ready.

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: asabuvsobelow
It felt like it was.
Saw me through a few hospital visits and a few days in.

1. Either she is terrified of the Love and commitment .
2. An Ex Lover came back into her life.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I’d not considered that until now.
I mark never know.

originally posted by: Cymru
a reply to: TDDAgain

This is what hurts.
I love her implicitly but that seems not to be enough.
She won’t even talk about it.
Wales me up to say she loves me one week and dark the next.

Yep, this sounds like narcissistic abuse.
I had a ex like that, probably doesn’t bring you comfort, but this is probably a blessing!

a reply to: JAGStorm
Bit fast to pull bipolar accusations. We know zero about her, only that until last week she said she loves him and this week not or not giving an answer. Just because of that, there is no reason to think she is bipolar, by all means. Love is not logic, remember.

If you think about the fact that love can die, then at some point it has to. So there's going to be that moment in time switching from saying "I love you" to repeating nothing or distracting.

That she does not want to talk about it now, may have to do with the fact that she may be unsure and frightened about the conversation. It's understandable that Cymru, who is on the hurted side of this equation is through the wind, the same may be true for her and she needs time.

Contrary to a similar thread a few week ago, this one has zero hints for her being a bad person.

a reply to: Cymru

My condolences about the rugby.


This won't take the hurt away, but someone that just up and leaves without an explanation after spending 9 months together does not deserve you and believe me in time you'll count yourself lucky for the clean break now rather than 5 years down the line after marriage and perhaps a child.

She did you a favor.

Whatever you do, do not chase after her.


If she has any decency she might collect her thoughts and write you a letter.

If not, she's one of those that assisted you in dealing with the pain of getting over people who don't treat you right quicker.


If there is a similar situation in your future, it will sting half as much the next time.


And when you do meet the woman that's going to walk this world with you, you'll have much more appreciation for her after realizing what you were willing to settle with prior.