OCD hell

Hi all!

Does anyone relate to the suffering that's OCD?
In my young years I suffered with this for several years, various types of OCD. Mostly the type of seeking reassurance and going over and over rituals.
lots of anxiety lots of stress and emptiness follows

It went away for years .A few years ago I had a short setback that went away again , thankfully it didn't last too long , maybe 6 months or so.
Now , yet again I'm at it . I'm not going to explain what it all entails, but it has ALOT to do with my young son who lives in Europe with his father.
I'm in FL. Long story why he's there, mainly due to my social/general anxieties.
I'm 100% certain it's because I miss my son so much . I see him maybe twice a year for a few weeks. Maybe 3 months total a year since he's sixth birthday He's 10 now.
I get so lonely and sad , it just further fuels my OCD.

Maybe someone can relate?

a reply to: ancientlight

Truly I've lost count of the number of times I've checked the front door is locked before I go to bed.

a reply to: myselfaswell

I do that as well , also every time I leave the house, I don't even consider that OCD .
In the sense it doesn't give me huge amounts of anxiety , like this other OCD gives me.

a reply to: ancientlight

Yes, had severe, purely obsessional OCD for many years.

You have to manage your anxiety. It's an anxiety disorder. Stress and sadness will magnify the intrusive thoughts that trigger your obsessions and rituals.

You need to see a specialist because it's different for everyone.

originally posted by: Joneselius
a reply to: ancientlight

Yes, had severe, purely obsessional OCD for many years.

You have to manage your anxiety. It's an anxiety disorder. Stress and sadness will magnify the intrusive thoughts that trigger your obsessions and rituals.

You need to see a specialist because it's different for everyone.

Thanks, I might just consider therapy. Worst is I involve other people in my OCD rituals, mainly my son's father. So when he's visiting with my son , I'll end up OCDing more , if I don't curtail this now

a reply to: ancientlight

Just minor things, like I need to have my key in hand when I leave the house and check a few times after I put it in my bag if it's really in the bag.
I only know 2nd hand how it can totally take over people's lives. Personally I think it has a lot to do with the urge of having control over one's environment.
Without therapy it's probably impossible to handle.
Good luck.

a reply to: myselfaswell

Why did you cross that one block into the wrong direction? This is slight unsettling.

originally posted by: ThatDamnDuckAgain
a reply to: myselfaswell

Why did you cross that one block into the wrong direction? This is slight unsettling.

Maybe just to see if you would notice?

I didn't see it til I saw your post, then it immediately jumped out at me.

a reply to: BrokenCircles

Heh, I noticed it immediately!

In fact, it jumped right off the page screaming at me the second I scrolled by the meme.

I think everyone has some OCD tendencies, some are just more problematic for certain people than others. For me, as an example, my OCD characteristic involves paper. I can't stand to see disheveled paper. If there is a pile of papers sitting somewhere I feel compelled to organize it and/or straighten it out. Things like folded or dogeared corners must be straightened out, the stack evened up and made orderly. I've had this 'affliction' (?) ever since I was a little kid. I guess it's harmless enough, but it drives me crazy to see people who don't feel the same way as me. When I do see someone who carries around a pile of papers all crumpled and disorganized I don't say or do anything, but I definitely notice it. And, given the chance, I will organize it neatly...which usually results in appreciation from others, and that feels nice.

Of course, I've always had a thing for paper and writing instruments (pencils, pens, notebooks, etc.). I am a meticulous note taker, to the point of people always wanting to copy my notes for reference. And I pride myself in my penmanship skills. This latter element probably stems from my days as a technical draftsman many years ago, where lettering and printing were all done by hand.

In my case, I actually celebrate my OCD habits rather than discourage them as they have always been a constructive affliction for me. It's kept me organized, sometimes in a blizzard of paperwork. I can organize about anything into sensible groupings, and make notes to connect anything which isn't plainly obvious. I keep daily journals of everything I do and experience (mainly work or task related). Details are important, and I can't count how many times this has saved my bacon (and other's too).

ETA - I even see some of my OCD habits manifest themselves here on ATS. I can't stand a post of mine with a typo in it, and I will have to edit it. Even the ATS edit tag at the end of a post will cause me to make an edit if there are too many spaces between it and the end of a post. This is why you will often see edits on nearly all of my posts.

a reply to: BrokenCircles

IT'S A TRAP!

a reply to: ancientlight

Yeah dude.
I have a really fricken weird one.
When I change the station on my deck in my vehicle, I always tap the glass of it 2-3 times before skipping to he next channel.

I remember a kid in class like 30 years ago that would pull single strands of hair out of their head.
He was a normal dude. Had friends. Wasnt picked on.
He just like to pull strands of hair out for some reason.
What’s ever weirder thinking back is no one gave him a hard time about it.
It was just sorta normal for jimmy to be yanking single ropes all day.

Is the cracking/clicking of Knuckles and joints an OCD thing?

I've had flare ups of this behaviour in the past and I've always had the problem of desiring things to land evenly like if I clapped 3 times I'd instinctively need to clap 3 times more... It's never really been an issue except when the two were paired, thinking back the numbers thing is more about sets too. An example would be playing a shooting game and reloading. Like shooting a 6-shooter, it has 3 bullets in it and you have 57 total so it's time to reload. Another example is a dozen pack of eggs and using 2 at a time.

I actually like pissing about with it these days, I'll randomly pick eggs out or purposefully disorganize the box.

I didn't realize I had OCD until I was about 50 (a couple years ago). Pretty much all aspects of my life are affected to varying degrees by this "defect". I've taken medications that have diminished it significantly, only to realize that I missed being my old self. I would rather live with it than without it... probably because I'm so used to it- it's just part of me, and from my perspective it is much more of a benefit to my survival than a hindrance.

Trap or not, to be on topic, it's not really compulsive as in I could not stop it, but it's very satisfying if I do it / have it that way.

Like my spices, I have them sorted in categories and colors. I use the manufactures color code, it's tricky for the things like nutmeg or whole leaves, or spices I grind fresh. All that does not come in standardized packaging or bought loose, collected, I have them all in the same glass containers but have not found a satisfying solution yet.

Also it's not always an expression of anxiety. My little daughter liked to sort her toys by obvious properties too, before she could not even walk secure. Like size or color even making mirrored rows where both ends have small toys. I was like that too, I did this as a kid I remember, it was how I distributed the colors I had, but with Lego and did not show her this.

Therefor in this case it's not learned or copied behavior, or anxiety, it can be genetic preference like born tendency to think in 3D space. Like imaging a project or object in the mind, some can not do that. That is not a judgement about those who can not, just an example.

a reply to: ancientlight

Sorry if I sound insensitive, but why can't anyone ever have OCD about their spelling, grammar, etc.?

You DON'T put a space before and after punctuation, for crying out loud!

a reply to: ancientlight

If those who suffer OCD truly that bad, it must ache them not to rename it CDO !