Do I call a funeral home now?

Someone near to me died. An autopsy is being performed. The police gave me no information other than that their body is at the coroner and that the coroner might call me. I said well, what do I do? And the Chaplain told me that if I have questions then I can call him but I have what I would describe as extreme social anxiety so I am reticent to call him. I also think he meant more spiritual questions, not practical issues.

Bottom line is this person did not make any arrangements for funeral. All I know is they repeatedly told me they want to be cremated.

Am I supposed to call a funeral home now? Or wait till the coroner calls me? What do I say to the funeral home? "This person died, is at morgue, needs cremated" or what do I say? Am I supposed to tell the coroner something like...such and such funeral home is taking care of it? I am just at a loss, neither me nor my husband has dealt with this type of situation before and the police did not give us any information other than that he died and how they think he died, pending their investigation.

a reply to: Chalcedony

Just out of kindness. If it's been over a day, yes call. You may be this persons only communication. Do they have family?

a reply to: Chalcedony
What was the relationship to this person? Why do you feel the need to take over their funeral arrangements? Asking these questions, I'm not being unkind, but all you need to covey is his wish to be cremated, the authorities will take it from there.

a reply to: crayzeed

I was their only family. It is a long story.

a reply to: Bigburgh

No. I was their only family and that is why the police notified me. It is kind of a long story but I was basically also the only person they interacted with.

a reply to: Chalcedony

Unless you are kin or legally designated you cannot.

a reply to: Chalcedony

I'd say call if you don't mind the risk of being stuck with the bill for cremation.

Just make sure that you are not liable for the cremation costs if you inform them that the person talked about being cremated. They might want you to pay for it since they cannot find anyone else to send the bill to. Did the person ever talk about any relatives they had so you can steer the morgue to them? Maybe they found the next of kin and will not be calling you. Is the spider living in that person's house more related to the person than you are?

a reply to: Chalcedony First my sincerest condolences C. I am so very and deeply sorry for you loss. Your posts here make this place still a part of what it use to be and I feel for what you’re goin through.

My suggestion as weak as it is, is just roll with it.

You yourself whether or not on ouradvice or others, will make it through this, in spite of your social anxiety or other perceived roadblocks. You’re probably a bit in shock.

Take some deep breaths.

But. You’ll figure it out and this too shall pass.

I wish I could give you a hug. Please PM me at any time for any reason. I am here.

Also: is it just me or are people dying every other day?
This not on MSM or online. Just word of mouth….

in Texas
a decedent's surviving spouse; a decedent's surviving adult children. any of the decedent's surviving adult siblings. one or more duly qualified executors or administrators or the decedent's estate; (decedent's parent should be in there too)

who pays? the estate pays . . . up to about $15K

originally posted by: Chalcedony
a reply to: Bigburgh

No. I was their only family and that is why the police notified me. It is kind of a long story but I was basically also the only person they interacted with.

Do get involved then. You are this individual's only means.

Yes, call if you can.

**me slamming the like button**

I Can't Flag & Star this enough

Keep doing kindness

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: Chalcedony

Unless you are kin or legally designated you cannot.

Yes, well there's that.

originally posted by: Chalcedony
I am just at a loss, neither me nor my husband has dealt with this type of situation before and the police did not give us any information other than that he died and how they think he died, pending their investigation.

I would be consulting an attorney.

Don't sign ANYTHING without their advice. And being only family you'll need help with the estate (which will include unpaid bills).

As much as I completely despise ambulance chasers, this is one area where a couple hours of their time could save you from a real mess.

a reply to: gb540

I know. I am just not sure how to proceed at all. I know an attorney I am trying to get ahold of that can maybe give me some advice.

originally posted by: Chalcedony
a reply to: gb540

I know. I am just not sure how to proceed at all. I know an attorney I am trying to get ahold of that can maybe give me some advice.

You have already made a wise choice.

originally posted by: gb540

originally posted by: Chalcedony
I am just at a loss, neither me nor my husband has dealt with this type of situation before and the police did not give us any information other than that he died and how they think he died, pending their investigation.

I would be consulting an attorney.

Don't sign ANYTHING without their advice. And being only family you'll need help with the estate (which will include unpaid bills).

As much as I completely despise ambulance chasers, this is one area where a couple hours of their time could save you from a real mess.

Whoa there . . .
The "estate" is responsible for the bills.
you aren't.

Insurance policies are not part of the estate.
401Ks and IRAs are not part of the estate.
Bank accounts may not be part of the estate.

If the person has a very small estate - very low net worth which varies by location - you'll need to file with the probate court or county clerk for status as administrator.

A note: electric, water, gas, phone, rent keeps adding up until you tell them to shut it off.

And call around for prices for cremation - it varies and can be expensive

a reply to: sraven

So when my mother-in-law passed she didn't want cremation. I asked the funeral home the cost anyway as at the end of the day I was financially responsible for the funeral costs. It was half of what the burial ended up being. Of course we honored her wishes about everything, but if you don't have life insurance or savings, you really need to at least do some basic planning so your kid doesn't have to deal with everything.

a reply to: slatesteam

I am very much in shock. This was a sudden misadventure type accident. I mean, he was very elderly but I did not expect this at all. I appreciate your kind words. Kindness is getting rarer and rarer these days.

a reply to: Chalcedony
If you are saddled with paying the fees, have a cremation performed. Do NOT have any embalming performed if there will be no services. Do not pay for a casket. They will charge you over $100 for a cardboard box to put the body in for the cremation, but it isn’t actually required to perform a cremation.
Have the cremains bagged and put in a cardboard box, if you want something fancy to put them in, go buy an urn at a department store or a ceramics shop.

Also, try to use a funeral home that has a crematorium on site. They should be able to do it cheaper.

a reply to: Chalcedony

If you're in Wisconsin you can just go buy some sodium hydroxide, heat it up in water in a bathtub, check the pH is like high, 14+ and slip the body into the bathtub, stir occasionally and once fully liquefied, pull the plug. Here are the links for the disposal of bodies....

Lifesite News
The actual Wisconsin SB228 Bill

Teflon or Nylon paddles will probably work best and wear a caustic soda resistant suit, you don't want to get any of them on you ;-)

Cheers - Dave