The Laboratory for Finding a Novichok in Anything Is Created

Taken from the vastness of the Russian Internet

- Grimpsy !?

- Yes, sir!

- We got acquainted with your track record, received feedback, I am glad to inform you that it was decided to offer you the leadership of the “Laboratory for Finding a Novichok in Anything” that is being formed. Your job is to ensure that your department is on track tomorrow.

- What newcomer, sir? That is - thanks for the trust, sir! Happy to serve, sir !!!

“It's such a chemical, Grimpsy, the formula of which the Russian defector passed on to us twenty years ago.

- Chemical ?! But sir, I have no special education! To be honest, sir, and at school, in chemistry, I did not really understand, I was given grades, because I was a quarterback on the school team. Great quarterback sir!

- Do you hesitate to agree? Salary ...

- No sir! No hesitation !!! However, how can I look for this chemical Novichok and control the work of subordinates, if, I beg your pardon, sir, - I'm not in the subject ?! Completely.

- I see you did not understand, Grimpsy ... Or, perhaps, I did not explain well: your laboratory is not a laboratory for the search for Novichok, but "By-Finding" !!! Anything. This is your task.

“I beg your pardon… Is that what it will be called, sir?

- No, for everyone it will simply be called "Laboratory", but you are the leader, and you have to figure out what's what, Grimpsy ... So you agree?

- Certainly, sir! But I would like to immediately clarify a number of points: that is, say, someone's cowards are given to my laboratory, I somehow conjure over them, and then I tell all the correspondents that I found this very Novichok there?

- No, your task is just to nod.

- Nod and that's it ?!

- Exactly. And then, if need be. The rest will be done by others - and will explain to reporters and demonstrate to the media the authoritative opinion of your laboratory. You're going to need three or four tough guys with good breathers to wear those baggy rubber suits, some ghoulish looking gadgets and a nice opaque mask to wear when you get out of the car when you arrive somewhere. For all possible questions you will jerk your head vaguely, the rest will be written off as secrecy.

- Will I be secret?

- Top secret, Grimpsy! You will have a secret EVERYTHING! Your superlaboratory will find Novichok in the grass, in hair, in cats, in bras, authoritative statements will be spread on her behalf, and all this will be surrounded by impenetrable secrecy. Funding is in the budget.

- Smart, sir! But, excuse me, since everything is covered, then why do you even need someone like me?

- Needed, Grimpsy. To shut the mouths of the picky ones. So far, technology has not gone so far as to cover all possible risks. So far, nothing is possible without a Human. When are you ready to start?

- Immediately Sir !!! Glad to try, sir! Where will my unit be located, and from whom can I get the nearest Novichok Detection Plan, Anywhere Anywhere? "

Thank.

a reply to: ColeYounger

a reply to: RussianTroll

That could possibly be the funniest thing I have ever read, if I could understand it.

I should learn more about Russian humor.

ETA.
I found this joke online. I thought it was very funny.

A Chukcha returning home from Moscow is met with great excitement and interest from his friends: "What is socialism like?" / "Oh," begins the Chukcha in awe, "There, everything is for the betterment of man... I even saw that man himself!"

a reply to: RussianTroll

Excellent choice! One of the greatest songs ever recorded!

originally posted by: ColeYounger
a reply to: RussianTroll

Excellent choice! One of the greatest songs ever recorded!

Oh, Woodstock gave the world some of the greatest performers. I have the whole Woodstock festival on CD.)))

a reply to: RussianTroll

Yea, Woodstock!
Canned Heat is a favorite of mine. Check out Alan Wilson (on guitar). One year after this performance, he would be dead, at the age of 27.

a reply to: ColeYounger

Oh yeah! The real spirit of real America!
Here it is, country and rock!



Or, as I call it, the music of the saucepans))) Joke))



Wish there were Doors at Woodstock.

a reply to: ColeYounger

Then on stage it was still possible to smoke, without fear of accusations from various Gret Thunberg!

Jimi playing the Star Spangled Banner with his teeth.
Just for those who weren't there..
Peace.