My last 8 months threw hell. Lockdown experience from one persons perspective

a reply to: pryed -eyed-one

You don't know what Hell is yet.

Pray that none of us ever find out.

Don't take life for granted anymore.
Change!

Looking after a sick parent is tough, best advice is to just take things one day at a time. I have done some pretty dumb things while drunk. When I started to forget what happened it was a good wake up call to back off the drinking. Did not want to wake up in a hospital or jail one day going WTF?

a reply to: pryed -eyed-one

If you need anything, my PM box is always open.
Go to the little man under my star count and you can send me a private message.

a reply to: Nickn3
This is true and I’m sure there was nothing forced. But these are some of my closest friends and it’s like I feel like for the first time in my whole like I actually did something I’m not supposed to have done and I can’t remember it. We were gone so long they went out looking and had her sister there who immediately accused us of fooling around. Admittedly there’s a 95% chance of that being what happened And if so my getting over this myself let alone my relationship with them seems far off at the moment even tho supposedly it’s accepted nothing happened tho I feel this will blow up like crazy soon

originally posted by: pryed -eyed-one
a reply to: CthruU
I appreciate both your responses. Believe me I know these types of rants are a laughing stock to most people but maybe there’s someone out there with a similar experience who’s a little further down the road than me with soMe advice is all I was looking for. Any heartless posts are expected really but that’s the beauty of open forum

Yep, that would be me further down that road - the things ive had to overcome and deal with has literally frightened psychologists into refusing to see me over a handful of times (all different psychologists), they are full of it.

Dude i normally say what im about to say as a derogatory comment to someone but for you it couldn't be more sincere - get a mirror and start having a real long hard look in it -

Your sane and smart enough to express it and analyze it so your sane and smart enough to switch it all of and find inner peace.

Just choose you, your future and your sanity and ditch the Anger as its anger thats the centre of your issues but find a shrink anyway just incase you slip up and cross the line for reasons already explained, they might be full of it but they are very useful if things go pear-shaped.

Youd rather spend time in mental health facility than the big house. And if you slip far enough only one will let you back out eventually.

Anyway I'll sign of as i see a few of my haters are here to fill there status quo.

Take care man.

a reply to: CthruU
Thank you I appreciate it a lot believe me

originally posted by: musicismagic
Buy a tent and go camping.

100 percent agree. Camping FTW.
Maybe get a dog? Hang in there man.

I’m sorry to hear of your woe and travails, especially concerning family. This year is a B.

I know it’s cliche too, but a foray into meditation might help, I know it’s been good for me, and it’s not anything I’d rather bought I’d ever try.

Also I’m sorry to hear of your experience with your friends gf, and the recurring dream is odd. But. I do commend your acknowledging your drinking is involved. I’m the worst when I’m swerved. Taken a long time for me to get that into my skull. Hang in there again, and mitigate your drinking as much as possible. Especially this year when we all just wanna get sloshed and say F it. Good on ya for being responsible with your ma, but it’s on you to take care of yourself 1st!

I hear you. I'm not here for "entertainment" purposes. I really come here to learn.

I don't drink because...raised that way but we all have difficulties in life. So glad you are sober.

First off, you need to forgive yourself. You didn't kill anyone. We all make mistakes.

You need to love yourself more. Kudos for helping your mom but you can't help her at this time. Please call social services, dial 211, for help. I am sure she can be placed somewhere and give you relief. You need it badly.

Pets are wonderful for stress, I have 5 cats. But they are a responsibility that you really don't need right now.

You need to take care of your soul. You are so wounded. Churches can be great to stand by you-the right ones without judgement.

Please see a doctor and get healthy-they can have great recommendations for you in many ways.

Forgive yourself. You are worthy. And sound like a guy with empathy and that makes you feel too much and with a lot of guilt. Trust me. MAny people go through life without feeling for others and never feel bad about themselves. You are special that way.

I hear you. And I do care. Internet or not; you are a person hurting. Sending deep thoughts and love your way.

Hang in there. Tomorrow's another day. You are finding your way.

a reply to: pryed -eyed-one


You’re main problem (other than your mother), is GUILT!

The truth shall set you free; even if you admit that you don’t remember! You may actually be forgiven.

Dead girl in a drawer; is this a reality?

You’re mother is Narcissistic, she needs to go.

You always lose with Mr Booze!


Confess!

originally posted by: musicismagic
Buy a tent and go camping.

I like your solution. It is so peaceful sitting around a campfire and cooking food. I think that smart phones should be banned from camping trips though. The forbidden fruit from the garden of Eden was the apple phone. Turn on only for emergency and make sure to have an app on it that chases away bears and skunks.

Lurker here, what kind of outlets do you have? Healthy ones. I've noticed with myself and a lot of people of late, is that people just need someone to be a person around. None of this PC 24/7, but good ol campfire fishing and bitchin, ya'know?

Doesn't need to be someone who can hear your problems or even have the answers, but someone that can allow you to be human for a few hours a week.

I see truth in pretty much all these replies and thank you brothers. I have friends and outlets to keep off of any substances, I love stargazing and astronomy, have a few scopes I like to take out but haven’t much yet this year, I also grow bonsai and other plants that I enjoy, I’ve stopped working out completely but that was a large part of my lifestyle until maybe a year ago when the very beginnings for me feeling off started. These and I love a good rpg game here and there Have always been nice. My cat and reptiles are good to me and I have lots of friends, none really seem to have the tendencies to overdue alcohol Specifically like I have lately. We all drink and whatever here and there but I’ve become the quinticential one who went over the ledge Lately. I know I can get threw this. Even just saying something here today seems to at least give me hope someone will understand when I just am momentarily out of control. 3 days sober and no real withdrawal symptoms yet but idk. I was certainly downing enough vodka to cause them.

Thank you guys for the kind words tho they did really help today.

a reply to: pryed -eyed-one

Don't know about the stuff with your friends girlfriend but I know exactly where you're coming from with your mother.
I don't want to go into any more detail other than to say I've experienced something very similar, not with my mother but another very close family member.

It's hard.....very hard.

I have no pearls of wisdom to offer you, I can only wish you luck for the future and I sincerely hope you get through this.

Take care.

Oy, the writing is clearly on the wall here -- Mom has GOT to go. Work on getting her set up with a social security worker, they'll help a whole lot more than you think they can. She might not have much to her name in SS income, but there's a lot of programs for the elderly than can help shore up the bills her SS can't cover -- my mother uses them, and has barely worked enough in her life to GET social security income to begin with. Trust me, those social workers can move mountains, at least for the old folks.

I know some people are going to get all hissy about that, "But it's your mother!" Mom can mind her own life and home, it's part of being a functional adult.
NO parent worth any salt at all ever says "YOU OWE ME" and holds it over your head, so if your mom is doing that? She goes, pronto. You don't owe a parent any form of recompense for doing their parental job. Nobody likes to hear that, but it's the blunt truth.


Second, focus on you. YOU. If you need in-person support, see if you can suss out recovery groups and take it one day at a time.

a reply to: pryed -eyed-one

I have seen MJ backfire many times over, if you want to live anywhere near a new normal life you need to get rid of the wacky tobaccy for at least six months to get an idea how it will change things, and stop boozing around.


Sometimes it takes up to a year to stop having negative side effects from MJ as it is stored in your body.

a reply to: KTemplar

You’re mother is Narcissistic, she needs to go.

Or just a sick old person who is alone. Is it her fault if she is senile and ill?
You got a lot without much information.

Was she a good Mother? Was she there for her Sons when they were in their difficult stages of life? How old is she?
You know if Mom stuck it out and didn't leave the kids when the going got tough that would mean something. If she was abusive that changes things and what should happen here again.
The fact that she likes to actually be around the two Brothers full time is something, most Parents couldn't do that.

I have watched people die from alcohol to many times, thinking things can get better without help and making the effort to get that help will not work.
Who wants to die the was I have seen loved ones and Friends die, alcohol death is pain and ugliness.

a reply to: Nyiah

You don't owe a parent any form of recompense for doing their parental job.

I know huh, like they need a instant die Mom or Dad pill in case they get sick or senile before they croak.

Old school
Luke 18:20
You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’”

a reply to: SeaWorthy

I am kind of with you on that.
I typed my last message from my Moms place and as I told my sister when she whined about her....she is 72 and she gets a free pass now.
She gave birth to us and did her best to take care of us, now it is our turn no matter how much a pain in the ass she might be.
She wont be around forever and it is our DUTY, to make sure she lacks nothing and is comfortable...even if we have to fluff the pillows.

a reply to: SeaWorthy


I don’t know if she’s been a good mother or not, but I do know that if you did some sneaky sh$t to lose you’re social security, lose your section 8, smoke mj incessantly- you are prob a pain in the a$$ to deal with. These kinds of traits usually don’t happen overnight, just saying.

I also read here somewhere that she guilts the brothers telling them they owe her; also sh/tty imo. Although, that info seems to come from someone’s deeper knowledge of the situation.

I would never want to or do that to my child.

Also, she needs rehabilitation and some type of senior services to help
herself out. Even if op gets the help he needs, he will keep slipping back if mommy dearest doesn’t get help too!

I used to go to my mothers to clean her house, take her shopping when she couldn’t. My sister, brother and I all took turns going to her place which was 30+ miles away from all of us, and we all worked jobs. I offered my mom to live with me, but she didn’t want to leave her place, which I understand. Oh, and she never smoked mj smh.

ETA: where did it say she was senile?, cause if she is, somebody better hide the lighters 👍

Hi pryed -eyed-one,

Do you know if your work has any kind of extended benefits? I'm thinking specifically, an Employee Assistance Program. They often have a wide range of support services available for whatever life throws at you. May be worth looking into...