Excuses, excuses... Thank you Covid-19!

So before the Covid-19 crap our plan was to head for Texas at the end of this month. We were going to pick up the grandgirl for the summer in DFW then head for H-town to spend time with the grandson, head east to the state line to see the rest of my family, then head for Georgia and SC to see some of the hub's family before heading back home to Kentucky. At the end of the summer we would bring the grandgirl back to DFW in time to start school. Now we are not going by my choice

Of course the virus (and possible 2 week quarantine after travel) is the excuse I'm giving the family but to be honest that isn't the real reason. Nearly every year we spend a week or two on the road (don't care for flying) and spending the money to go spend time with parents, siblings, friends, grown children and grandchildren. It wears me out- especially since the heart attack last year. And it's not just that: I'm getting damned tired of the time and expense we put out when they would not and do not do the same for us. Even when we go down home to visit they wont come see us wherever we are staying- they demand we go to them.

My in-laws call and meet us somewhere for dinner on their way through town once a year- they don't even come to our place. My BFF has stopped a few hours to visit a few times because we are on the way to her mother's in Ohio. That is it. The rest of the family (both sides) go on trips but never come to visit us even if they pass right through or near our city. I'm tired of it all being one sided. Dad just spent over $25K on new cabinets and counter tops but can't afford to visit us. Oldest spawn went on a "weed-cation" to Colorado but can't be bothered to come see her old mom. Up until 2 years ago my Mom went to Branson, MO twice a year but couldn't be bothered to drive one state over to see her daughter. Both my sister and my sister-inlaw go on multiple trips per year but never to visit us. Why the Hell should we keep wasting our time and money to go see them?

I think this year instead we will go on a nice, quiet little camping trip- just me, hubs and the dog. For once I'd like to relax and have a good time for our vacation instead of running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to please the rest of the family. If they want to see us so bad then THEY can make the trip to come visit us!

So a big "Thank you!" to Covid-19 for giving me an excuse to not have to tell both of our families that they are selfish asses who think that their time and money are more important than ours! Cheers!

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Ha!

Sounds familiar. My wife drags me out to visit people that never visit us so I get it.


Vacation to me means doing something I want to do to relax. That isn't traveling and sleeping in hotels.


I like to take vacation for game releases and kick back at home and play..... that is vacation.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Vacations should be fun, relaxing.

Oh, and before you use a picture of me as your avatar, you really should ask first.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Vacations should be fun, relaxing.

Oh, and before you use a picture of me as your avatar, you really should ask first.

Dang, I thought it was your evil twin Auggie!

That's nice and all but it took a pandemic to make you come to the realization that this can't continue happening? You should have nipped it in the bud before the years of one sided travelling came your way. You should have asked "hey, why is it that we keep making the long trip to visit you guys?" And if there response was that they can't afford it, you should have told them that if y'all can't meet up halfway, then you would have to start making those visits few and far between because it's harming you health wise and financially. If they really wanted to spend time with you, then they would make the effort to meet you halfway or take turns making the trip. Why hide, for years, what you actually want to say to them, that they're "selfish asses?" I don get it. Life is too short for that kind of b#llsh#it.

Blessed to have a job where you can work as many hours as you like despite the wuflu; and when you want time off, take it!!
I'm at work now. Actually I don't view it as work anymore even though they pay me to do it. Blessed!!

I know what you mean, I have family in Kentucky , we haven't been there in a long time since we were the ones driving down there and they couldn't find time to come up which is fine but they kept asking when we were coming back down.
Then last year I think one aunt came to visit my mother, and they stayed at a campground about half hour or so away.
So they would go from the campsite to mom's, passing within TWO miles of my house and couldn't be bothered to stop by.
If they can't be bothered to come see you than don't feel bad for not wanting to take that trip and do something else that you want to do.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

We know that feeling.
Last summer we drove down south to see my family in Detroit and surrounding area. Me, the wife and out 3 kids for 10 days, and it cost us over $7000.
I was happy we did it because I hadn't seen me family in 17 years, but so damn expensive.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk


I know exactly how you feel and stopped visiting a while back.

Whenever someone says "why don't you visit?"
I quickly chirp "why don't you visit me?"

Pretty much ends the nagging. Life is too short, and trips are too expensive.
Enjoy your own vacation like they do. Get rid of the guilt.

If it takes a virus excuse to not do that, then why don't you guys just come out with it and tell 'em what the real reason is? It's not really that hard to present a case, and more often than not, people do listen to a frusterated vent, even family.

Honestly, if I were to read the post and not include the downsides you gave as a stand-in for maybe not saying any of it to anyone, I'd be inclined to assume it's a standing road trip you enjoyed doing and that's why nothing's ever done differently on the part of others -- it's your travel MO and seems to have always been, so why would anyone change it up? And maybe risk pissing grandma off over the insinuation that at her age, maybe she should travel less and they should travel more or something, who knows what they'd think you'd take offense over -- my grandmother was a prime example of the "Well, maybe we should come to you" suggestion going pear-shaped, "I'm not too damn old to drive or travel, thanks a lot for the insinuation." Maybe they think you'd blow up at them like mine did, IDK.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

I totally get where you're coming from on this. I think your camping idea is a good one.

I hate it when relationships aren't more or less reciprocal in effort. It's never exact, but there shouldn't be a huge disparity either.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk
I totally understand. I hope you enjoy yourself!

On the flip side I have noticed that when someone wanted to drop something off or stop by quickly I could not say I wouldn't be home. Where the hell you going? So for me covid made me speak up and be honest that I just didn't feel like company.

a reply to: Nyiah

More a case of everybody else having time and money to do everything they want to do but claiming too broke or not enough time to come visit us- we're supposed to prioritize them but we are not prioritized. I have never enjoyed making the nearly 1000 mile one way trip but it is the only time we get to see the grandkids.

Telling the parents doesn't work at all, just results in more "we're getting old and could die and you'll wish you had made the trip" bullsnip. The virus just gives an excuse they can't argue with so I don't have to listen to it all. People think old Jewish parents are the experts on the art of the guilt trip but I promise they have nothing on old Cajun parents!

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Very riveting post, thanks for sharing that, S&F. Good on you for realizing how selfish the rest of your family is. I hope your camping trip is nice and relaxing. After all, it’s not really much of a vacation if you’re running around like a chicken with your head cut off.

Life's too short, just tell them they're selfish.

Had the same problem for years with one side of the family. We'd get invited the day of a social event.
Grrrrr.
My SO didn't have the will to nip it, so I jumped in. My position was, an still is, I have all my plans scheduled by Wednesdays, if I don't know by then can't do it.
Still have the same issues as you with family wanting me to go to them. My response turned into "I'll give you a call, can't make it".
I am absolutely not schlepping all over God's Green Acre for anyone who won't do the same. As sucky as it is, more people have this problem than you'd think.