what is the best firearm to defend your toilet paper

ok folks - we is on the verge of a crisis - and in the coming days and weeks " they "will be plotting to steal your precious toilet paper

so you must be ready

and NO we dont want to hear from silly nay-sayers who ask why you need 6274 rolls of toilet paper

we must defend the precious toilet paper from all threats - real and imagined

so tool up - and tell us what firearm and ammunition load will defend yours

remember - its no good if you cause collateral damage to your precious TP

" they " might be dead or driven off - but wiping you arse with TP studded with steel #6 shot is not going to be fun

the TP must be protected - and must survive

discuss

a reply to: ignorant_ape
Not a flame-thrower, anyway, because that would be self-defeating.

a reply to: ignorant_ape

Ok. Now this is going to be tough...

Just how much dunny roll do you have stashed....

I think it's time you came clean

M16 fitted with the M203.
Be my guess.

There's a thing called bronzing, that would work well

A necked down .243 with .134 grains of powder. No other round will work.

Roomba with a claymore.

a reply to: ignorant_ape

a flamethrower for sure! MAD !

Have you heard of "necklacing" in SA where "crazed psychos" place a tyre around the victims neck and light it?

You'd need like "mummy roll" TP so it winds around your TPT (Toilet Paper Thief) enough so that you can "light 'em up" with the flamethrower . . . literally!

a reply to: ignorant_ape

Sawed off 12 gauge simi-auto dual pistol grip with a 100 round barrel clip full of buck shots

Then when they try to run off you grab the AR15 with a bump stock and drop em like it was Vegas.

Not sure I'd use a firearm to protect my TP... Could cause a fire.

A crossbow, or even, for you Englishmen/women, a bow made from yew. Less risk of fire.

If I want to touch them at a distance 300 wsm
If it's up close and personal my bullpup 12 gauge
If I want to send a message and see body parts ripped off my BLR 450 marlin.

a reply to: ignorant_ape

Diarrhea.
2nd line.

A well armed hug. Nothing says do not touch my butt stuff more t.. wait, and I've been doing them wrong all this time.. no wonder no one hugs me

Sorry Alicia.. Oo

a reply to: ignorant_ape

300 blackout. Should stay in target at intermediate ranges and then someone on the roof with 300 winmag, watching for the long range targets. Sig p320 side with critical defense. You cannot be too serious about your tp supplies. "Give me tp or give me death" - Patrick Henry

Perfect !

a reply to: ignorant_ape

water canon might work, and you will eventually upgrade your dry TP to humid wipes.

any ways whats the big deal with TP???
We have been cleaning our backdoors with water for milleniums, did you forget how to use water properly?
its one hell of an element, and will be much more important than TP!

NC

a reply to: NoConspiracy

It's all about shaking hands, because that thin paper shields hands from poop...

a reply to: ignorant_ape
The ones i've setup to be stolen are dosed with drugs we can't say here.

originally posted by: botay

Hell if you pointed one of those at me I would laugh to death...no need to even fire a single round