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Homer and Bart Quotes

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posted on Mar, 7 2005 @ 12:49 AM
When it comes to cartoos you can't beat the simpsons, so I thought it would be fun to have a simpson thread, (even if I am the only one who will enjoy it), post your favorite Homer or Bart quote.

Here are just a few,..
Homer on Family

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

posted on Mar, 7 2005 @ 12:53 AM
Homer on Religion

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

posted on Mar, 7 2005 @ 12:56 AM
Homer on Work

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.

Classic D'Oh! Homerisms

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

[Looking at a globe being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'
That one made ROFL

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things!

[edit on 7-3-2005 by Shai_lene]

posted on Mar, 7 2005 @ 01:26 AM

I'll never leave--Homer..

Praying heavenward]
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man... [laughs hysterically] So to answer your question, I don't know.

Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.] That's bad.!?
Homer: Can I go now?

Homer: Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube

Marge: I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now

posted on Mar, 7 2005 @ 04:31 AM

Text Bart's prank phone calls

hello is croch there 1st name mike

Bart - "Hello is mr freely there please, initials I P"
Moe - "Does anybody know I P Freely"

Bart: I'm looking for ,homer, first name sexual
Moe: Homer sexual, hey everybody I there a homer sexual in here?
Homer: Not me

Moe: Amanda Hugginkiss? I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss.

Moe: Oh why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?

Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!

posted on Mar, 8 2005 @ 09:38 AM
lol. Some pretty funny stuff.

posted on Mar, 9 2005 @ 02:25 AM
As no-one replied I thought it may have been done before.

posted on Mar, 9 2005 @ 11:25 PM
I think I posted these for nothing, seems no-one is reading them,it was wasted time...

posted on Mar, 11 2005 @ 06:15 PM
Keep em coming. Gotta love the simpsons!

posted on Mar, 11 2005 @ 09:55 PM
Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

And, this one might not be Homer or Bart, but it's an all-time classic -

Smithers: [holding a model airplane] We'll take the spruce moose! Hop in!
Smithers: But sir, it's just a mod...
Mr. Burns: [takes out a pistol] I said, "Hop in."

edit -

here's a handy link where I got my quotes from -

IMDB quotes link

[edit on 3/11/2005 by Susquehanna]

posted on Mar, 12 2005 @ 01:37 AM
LOL...........I remember that show...r Burns, and his pal sal...

posted on Mar, 12 2005 @ 07:49 PM
I love the time when Homer went to Dr. Nick
Dr. Nick: This morphine will make the operation seem like a wonderful. dream.
Then he knocks out homer and injects it into himself.

lol i love that part

posted on Mar, 12 2005 @ 08:09 PM
Marge: This movie has Val Kilmer in Homer.
Homer: Val Kilmer, Hes my favorite Door

posted on Mar, 12 2005 @ 10:55 PM
That was a good one....

posted on Mar, 12 2005 @ 11:33 PM
Homer: Oh! And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember that time I took a home wine making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!

Homer (giving a lecture on marriage): What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as "The process of removing weeds from one's garden."

Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?

posted on Mar, 13 2005 @ 08:08 AM

love letter to marge -
"Maybe its the beer talking baby, but you've got a butt that won't quit, the've got these big chewy prezals.... whahhahrhahrah 5 DOLLARS... Get outtta hereer."

Prank to White house -
"Hello is this president Clinton? GOOD... if I know a place to get some tang it would be you. SHUTUP"

Homer in Space
"I'm afraid the contest isn't over yet "BUZZ"... ,if that is your real name, I think there's still something left called the swimsuit competition."
"There's no swimsuit competition homer"
"You mean I shaved my bikini zone for nothing!!!" LOL


(Turns on his computer) (Pic of Mr. Burns saying - "Hello smithers, you're quite good at turning me on")

posted on Mar, 13 2005 @ 12:06 PM
OK, he's not Homer or Bart, but one of my favorite bit characters on the show is Dr, Nick -

Dr. Nick Riviera: Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody.
Crowd: Hi, Dr. Nick.

[while operating on Homer]
Dr. Nick: [singing] The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

[Dr. Nick's commercial]
Dr. Nick: You've tried the best. Now try the rest.

[edit on 3/13/2005 by Susquehanna]

posted on Mar, 13 2005 @ 01:20 PM
Homer: "Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain-cells! Now lets go back to that...building...thingy... where our beds and"

posted on Mar, 13 2005 @ 04:42 PM
Homer: For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "'re making a scene."
Homer (Upon finding out he's been admitted to college): (Singing) I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!
Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds and TV... is.
Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Homer: Woo hoo! Cheap meat!
Homer: Oh, Lord! Why do You mock me?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's a waffle Bart stuck to the ceiling.
(Marge pries the waffle off the ceiling.)
Homer: Lord, I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but... (munch munch munch) mmm... sacrelicious.
Homer: Mmmm... beer.
Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

posted on Mar, 13 2005 @ 04:59 PM
[Looking at a globe being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'


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