Feeling anxious about my job/career when I should be happy

So I was just given a larger than normal raise by the big tech company I've been working at for the last 17 years. I was given the raise after I told my employer that I had secured a job offer at another smaller tech company. My employer gave me the raise as a country offer to stay.

I should be happy; and I am but all so feel anxious, I have that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach; and I don't know why. I feel like something is wrong, or I did something wrong.

Maybe it's because I sorta extorted my company out of more money. But I have a good relationship with my immediate manager and he didn't act put out at all when i told him I was thinking about leaving.

Maybe its because I had to disappoint the smaller company; they were very enthusiastic for me to come work for them. They even wanted to know if I'd be open to a counter counter offer to leave my company. They've been really nice.

Maybe it's because I feel I should have made the two company's compete even more for me and that maybe I left money on the table.

Maybe its because I feel that life at the smaller company could have been better. a riskier road, but maybe more reward at the end of the road.

Man, seriously what's wrong with me?

a reply to: DanDanDat

I've never been in your position. Sounds like all you have is good things...people like you and want you around.

originally posted by: DanDanDat
So I was just given a larger than normal raise by the big tech company I've been working at for the last 17 years. I was given the raise after I told my employer that I had secured a job offer at another smaller tech company. My employer gave me the raise as a country offer to stay.

I should be happy; and I am but all so feel anxious, I have that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach; and I don't know why. I feel like something is wrong, or I did something wrong.

Maybe it's because I sorta extorted my company out of more money. But I have a good relationship with my immediate manager and he didn't act put out at all when i told him I was thinking about leaving.

Maybe its because I had to disappoint the smaller company; they were very enthusiastic for me to come work for them. They even wanted to know if I'd be open to a counter counter offer to leave my company. They've been really nice.

Maybe it's because I feel I should have made the two company's compete even more for me and that maybe I left money on the table.

Maybe its because I feel that life at the smaller company could have been better. a riskier road, but maybe more reward at the end of the road.

Man, seriously what's wrong with me?

Maybe the smaller company would be better, maybe you'd still be happier there even with less(I assume) pay. Either way, you are the one that decides your fate and ultimately you make the best choice for yourself. Be grateful you have more than one option, more than one entity that sees the value in your knowledge/experience.

Make the best choice for you and express your gratitude to the company you decline. Doors will always be open if you are genuine.

People are supposed to be selfish, to a degree. Feeling bad about it is just putting someone else above yourself, while it's a nice gesture, it's foolish.

Remember that everyone else would do the same in your shoes(make the best choice for themselves). It's not arrogance or greed.

a reply to: MisterSpock

I think your right about that, feeling guilty about acting in my self interest. It's not a normal part of my behavior. I hope the guilt passes with time.

originally posted by: DanDanDat
a reply to: MisterSpock

I think your right about that, feeling guilty about acting in my self interest. It's not a normal part of my behavior. I hope the guilt passes with time.

It will, as much as they want you there they will find someone else and have no ill will towards you. People understand that choices made are for themselves and not a slight against a stranger. If they do hold ill will, then they are the fool, surely not you.

a reply to: MisterSpock

That makes a lot of sense; thanks

originally posted by: DanDanDat
a reply to: MisterSpock

That makes a lot of sense; thanks

Congratulations on the opportunity. You deserve it, no matter what negative thoughts might pop up(that's just human nature).

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: DanDanDat

I've never been in your position. Sounds like all you have is good things...people like you and want you around.

No #. That sounds fantastic. I'd love to be in that position, usually people run for the hills when I show up.

a reply to: DanDanDat

I'm in a somewhat similar situation right now.

Careers can be like relationships. I felt a little guilt shopping around. I felt a little reticence in becoming the dominant party in the relationship.

It can feel weird when the scoreboard changes late in the game.

a reply to: DanDanDat

It's the same as any other relationship.

If nobody wants you, then why does the current person in the relationship need you around?

However, if you are wanted by others, then you are suddenly someone to keep around.

That is especially important in a business relationship, where it isn't about feelings but about perceived value.

You did the right thing and at least was honest to your current employer.

As an added bonus, you know now that you have options.

That in itself frees you.

Congrats on your raise and well deserved...

a reply to: MisterSpock

I'm one too. I swear it's magnetic and has nothing really to do with my personality. I've never held a job for longer than 6 months or been paid (appreciably) more than minimum wage. I read the OP and think "Damn dude you got everything, just roll with it."

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: MisterSpock

"Damn dude you got everything, just roll with it."

Pride cometh before the fall.

I never roll with good things. I prepare for the knock-down after the set-up and somehow I always survive and rebuild.

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: MisterSpock

I'm one too. I swear it's magnetic and has nothing really to do with my personality. I've never held a job for longer than 6 months or been paid (appreciably) more than minimum wage. I read the OP and think "Damn dude you got everything, just roll with it."

Self deprecation aside, everyone undervalues themselves.

It's a flaw, in everyone. No shame in pushing those thoughts aside and wanting whats best for oneself.

That bit of wisdom aside, I don't fault anyone for "running for the hills" when I show up...

a reply to: MisterSpock

Self deprecation aside, everyone undervalues themselves.

Actually, always overvalue yourself and let others make the call.

It makes business life a whole lot easier.

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: MisterSpock

Self deprecation aside, everyone undervalues themselves.

Actually, always overvalue yourself and let others make the call.

It makes business life a whole lot easier.

That sounds easy to do...by day, but when night falls it's time to dance with the demons.

originally posted by: MisterSpock

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: MisterSpock

Self deprecation aside, everyone undervalues themselves.

Actually, always overvalue yourself and let others make the call.

It makes business life a whole lot easier.

That sounds easy to do...by day, but when night falls it's time to dance with the demons.

A few years ago I was asked by a large company I was interested in doing business with if we could do _________.

I replied "Of course. We practically invented _______. What do you need?"

They told me, I went home and figured out with some phone calls and a little research online how to do it, we did it and now we are known for it.

Sometimes you need to just take that leap off the cliff and see where you land.

originally posted by: Lumenari

originally posted by: MisterSpock

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: MisterSpock

Self deprecation aside, everyone undervalues themselves.

Actually, always overvalue yourself and let others make the call.

It makes business life a whole lot easier.

That sounds easy to do...by day, but when night falls it's time to dance with the demons.

A few years ago I was asked by a large company I was interested in doing business with if we could do _________.

I replied "Of course. We practically invented _______. What do you need?"

They told me, I went home and figured out with some phone calls and a little research online how to do it, we did it and now we are known for it.

Sometimes you need to just take that leap off the cliff and see where you land.

Good advice, I'll think of it the next time I'm standing on the edge of a cliff trying to get the will to jump.

Thanks Lum, you literally gave me the push I needed to fall off the cliff...

originally posted by: MisterSpock

originally posted by: Lumenari

originally posted by: MisterSpock

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: MisterSpock

Self deprecation aside, everyone undervalues themselves.

Actually, always overvalue yourself and let others make the call.

It makes business life a whole lot easier.

That sounds easy to do...by day, but when night falls it's time to dance with the demons.

A few years ago I was asked by a large company I was interested in doing business with if we could do _________.

I replied "Of course. We practically invented _______. What do you need?"

They told me, I went home and figured out with some phone calls and a little research online how to do it, we did it and now we are known for it.

Sometimes you need to just take that leap off the cliff and see where you land.

Good advice, I'll think of it the next time I'm standing on the edge of a cliff trying to get the will to jump.

Thanks Lum, you literally gave me the push I needed to fall off the cliff...

Well, it's about time!!!

~huggz~

originally posted by: Lumenari

originally posted by: MisterSpock

originally posted by: Lumenari

originally posted by: MisterSpock

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: MisterSpock

Self deprecation aside, everyone undervalues themselves.

Actually, always overvalue yourself and let others make the call.

It makes business life a whole lot easier.

That sounds easy to do...by day, but when night falls it's time to dance with the demons.

A few years ago I was asked by a large company I was interested in doing business with if we could do _________.

I replied "Of course. We practically invented _______. What do you need?"

They told me, I went home and figured out with some phone calls and a little research online how to do it, we did it and now we are known for it.

Sometimes you need to just take that leap off the cliff and see where you land.

Good advice, I'll think of it the next time I'm standing on the edge of a cliff trying to get the will to jump.

Thanks Lum, you literally gave me the push I needed to fall off the cliff...

Well, it's about time!!!

~huggz~

Atleast I got a goodbye hug....before you push me off the cliff.

That's comforting.

originally posted by: DanDanDat
a reply to: MisterSpock

I think your right about that, feeling guilty about acting in my self interest. It's not a normal part of my behavior. I hope the guilt passes with time.

Think of it this way, of they could give you the raise to keep you there, they could have been paying you that much the whole time, so basically they were screwing you.

I've been in similar situations in the hvac field, told every company that offered me a raise to stay they should have been paying me what I was worth from the start and I wouldn't be looking for a new company. Turned down more money twice out of principle, they should have paid me right from the start.