Stupid relationship rant

I dont know what this is, maybe a rant, maybe the ramblings of a madman, just letting off some steam and getting it out of my chest.

I've known a particular female of the human species for a year now, and we were talking online for longer than that.
She goes through moments of anxiety and depression, which was what made us connect in the first place, since I know what that feels like.
I was there for her, cared for her in those moments.
We had arguments, we had fun, we spent sometimes whole weeks together.
I kept quiet and tried my best not to let my own ego clash with her aggressive outbursts, and we went through it. She always came round.

I went on holiday with my family for 3 weeks, last month, she was fine when I left. But three days into the holiday she starts feeling bad again.
So we continue chatting and talking everyday, I console her, she asks for advice, and I tell her that she should go out and meet her other friends since I'm not there.
Two days before I'm due to come back, she starts ignoring my messages, being cold on the phone, and just acting like I'm a stranger.
its been weeks now, and I still haven't managed to see her, she doesn't answer when I ask what is going on. Her texts are now monosyllabic.

I asked her to meet sometime this week, and it's like asking for an audience with the pope, won't confirm or acknowledge anything.
Now I know we are very different, and maybe not fully compatible for a proper romantic relationship, we talked about it several times. Although we did try in the beginning.
All I did as a friend, as a companion, sometimes even as a carer, all the hours spent together and on the phone, all the good times and memories, totally meaningless, it seems, for her.
She's usually very upfront and sometimes brutally honest. So I'm going mad trying to figure out what the **** is happening, and why she's treating me like I don't exist.

It's funny cos I thought I was past that, from past experience, getting all tangled up in this kind of drama, but here I am.
Am I missing something? Is there something I am attracting that I need to work out? Or is this normal behaviour nowadays? You meet people, hang out, take from them, and then brutally ghost them (as the kids say nowadays)?

Anyways, rant over.
Bye.

a reply to: athousandlives

I think you're missing the guy she met while you were gone...

Just a guess.

a reply to: athousandlives
Maybe she met someone while you were on vacation. Maybe she had a change of heart for whatever reason. Without communication, you can't know for sure. Give her some space and see if she comes around. Relationships can be quite confusing and chaotic sometimes. I wish you all the best.

a reply to: Lumenari

Of course, that's a possibility.
And as much as that hurts, I can accept that.
What I struggle with really is the sudden turn, the cold-heartedness.

a reply to: athousandlives

Why take it personally if someone doesn't respond?
They can't or won't and that's everyone's own choice.
Sometimes we have a hard time expressing our feelings, so we say nothing inorder to not hurt.

Take the advise you gave her. Go out see your other friends... As she is not around

ETA
She likes you but doesn't want a romantic relationship.
Mind and heart is your connection. forget about sex, if you love her and don't want to break the connection, you can have a very good friend!

Sincerely No Clue

a reply to: Night Star

Thank you Night Star,
It's true, it's possible, like I replied above.
Thats the thing, its the lack of communication, that bugs me.

I know I'll be laughing at this thread in the future, lol, just getting caught in the heat of the moment here, confused.

All the best,

originally posted by: athousandlives
a reply to: Lumenari

Of course, that's a possibility.
And as much as that hurts, I can accept that.
What I struggle with really is the sudden turn, the cold-heartedness.

As a woman, let me give you the 2 cent analysis...

This lady sounds like she has some pretty big emotional issues and needs someone else to "be there" for her.

She needs an emotional crutch and you were there for her.

However, you stated that you were not compatible enough for a romantic relationship.

Perhaps she found someone that is a nice crutch and can fill that other void, as it were.

I wouldn't sweat it too much (although I understand the sense of betrayal) because at the end of the day, it sounds like the relationship you had with her was a net negative for you.

I kept quiet and tried my best not to let my own ego clash with her aggressive outbursts, and we went through it. She always came round.

Nobody needs that unless they are a masochist.

Just my 2 cents and it doesn't mean anything except an introspective moment based on my life.

a reply to: Lumenari

This lady sounds like she has some pretty big emotional issues and needs someone else to "be there" for her.

She needs an emotional crutch and you were there for her.

However, you stated that you were not compatible enough for a romantic relationship.

Perhaps she found someone that is a nice crutch and can fill that other void, as it were.

And weren't there when she needed while he was gone.

Agreed.

Damaged goods. Run fast.

a reply to: athousandlives

Without going through similar experiences I've had with women who weren't quite as messed up and needy as the one you mention, when there is no potential for romance, and you and she know it, she has basically found someone else to occupy whatever need or attention (romantically or not) she has.

This girl I knew and was interested in and was friends with (but never dated) would blow me off (and not speak) for a whole year or two—until she broke up with her boyfriend, then she'd always come back wanting to "hang out." We still talk from time to time...

I guess it boils down to if you really care for her and if you'll be there for her as a friend, even if nothing romantic comes of it—or even if it eventually does.

How much do you truly care and how much do you want to put yourself through?

She will either come back around or she won't, and there is nothing you can do about that.

originally posted by: Liquesence
a reply to: Lumenari

This lady sounds like she has some pretty big emotional issues and needs someone else to "be there" for her.

She needs an emotional crutch and you were there for her.

However, you stated that you were not compatible enough for a romantic relationship.

Perhaps she found someone that is a nice crutch and can fill that other void, as it were.

And weren't there when she needed while he was gone.

Agreed.

I had a relationship once with a man that ended up having a borderline personality disorder.

Those kind of people are pretty high maintenance and could care less about you (or anyone, for that matter) if they don't get their "fix".

So I may be projecting.

But a good relationship is where you give more than you usually do for someone because you get the same back.

In my limited experience with good relationships.

a reply to: Lumenari

Hmm, damn

I think you're right. Many times it was a masochistic experience.
I hate that part of me doesn't want to let go, no matter how much I know it wasn't the most healthy of relationships.

I'll come around, thanks Lumenari!

originally posted by: athousandlives
a reply to: Lumenari

Hmm, damn

I think you're right. Many times it was a masochistic experience.
I hate that part of me doesn't want to let go, no matter how much I know it wasn't the most healthy of relationships.

I'll come around, thanks Lumenari!

You still got something out of the relationship, so it's not easy just going to the next chapter.

As a man you sound like a caring and emotionally sensitive person without being some whiny crybaby.

Women like that part of a man... you'll be fine once the bruises go away.

A last bit of advice from experience... I met the love of my life because I was just living my life and not looking for companionship.

I hope the same for you.

a reply to: Lumenari

But a good relationship is where you give more than you usually do for someone because you get the same back.

True. I think that's why many relationships fails, or potential relationships never happen, is because they are too one-sided: someone always has more feelings, or puts in more and expects the same in return, and to be met equally, when mutuality is simply not there.

And, of course, some people are just not emotionally healthy or mature, and may not ever be capable of it.

*shrug*

Couple of possibilities but some things to sort out first...

Are you married?? You said went on vacation "with the family." If you are married, then obviously she is pissed that you went away for three weeks with your wife.

If you're not married. I mean, it sounds like she is clearly pissed at you about SOMETHING. If she had met someone else, she would ignore you, or put you off and give you a million excuses, but she wouldnt be bitchy.

Sounds to me like you did something that she perceives as hurtful. I'm sure you did nothing wrong- but she sounds like a bit of a loose canon, so chances are good that she took something you did or said as some huge affront.

Sounds like she wants you to chase after her. Maybe she feels like you abandoned her when you left for three weeks? You "left" her when she needed you, or something maybe? But it sounds like she is wanting you to chase after her and beg her to tell you "what's wrong, what did I do wrong, I'm so sorry, just tell me what I did and I'll make it up to you" type of thing.

That or some variant of it- that's what it sounds like to me. She's probably doing you a favor though, as it sounds like the relationship is one-sided; she gets all your support, but what do YOU get?

originally posted by: Liquesence
a reply to: Lumenari

But a good relationship is where you give more than you usually do for someone because you get the same back.

True. I think that's why many relationships fails, or potential relationships never happen, is because they are too one-sided: someone always has more feelings, or puts in more and expects the same in return, and to be met equally, when mutuality is simply not there.

And, of course, some people are just not emotionally healthy or mature, and may not ever be capable of it.

*shrug*

Quoted for Truth and a perfect post.

a reply to: athousandlives

Her behavior is the classic sign of someone who's insecure and is desperate for attention, so she wants you to chase her.

As for you missing anything, yes, you're missing the fact that you were supposed to have already learned something from this type of drama/behavior in the past.

originally posted by: KansasGirl

Sounds like she wants you to chase after her. Maybe she feels like you abandoned her when you left for three weeks? You "left" her when she needed you, or something maybe? But it sounds like she is wanting you to chase after her and beg her to tell you "what's wrong, what did I do wrong, I'm so sorry, just tell me what I did and I'll make it up to you" type of thing.

I was just thinking the same thing when I made it to your post! Sounds like she got mad because she "needed" him and how dare he go on vacation instead of running home to tend her needs. And when he told her to spend time with some of her other friends instead of spending every second of his trip babysitting her via phone/internet/videochat- oh my goodness how dare he!!!

Seems like on top of anxiety and depression that narcissism should be added to her list of symptoms! He needs to run like Hell!!!

originally posted by: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

originally posted by: KansasGirl

Sounds like she wants you to chase after her. Maybe she feels like you abandoned her when you left for three weeks? You "left" her when she needed you, or something maybe? But it sounds like she is wanting you to chase after her and beg her to tell you "what's wrong, what did I do wrong, I'm so sorry, just tell me what I did and I'll make it up to you" type of thing.

I was just thinking the same thing when I made it to your post! Sounds like she got mad because she "needed" him and how dare he go on vacation instead of running home to tend her needs. And when he told her to spend time with some of her other friends instead of spending every second of his trip babysitting her via phone/internet/videochat- oh my goodness how dare he!!!

Seems like on top of anxiety and depression that narcissism should be added to her list of symptoms! He needs to run like Hell!!!

I agree! Run far, far away.

But OP hasnt responded to anyone for a while. I'm still half wondering if he is married.

a reply to: athousandlives
Without too much meat on the bones I can’t really comment.
However women are a strange breed.
Check your PMs.