Everything is Different Now

Don Henley’s words in that song struck a cord with my Beloved and I the first time we heard it. Upon hearing:
“Oh, and it's sweet to know
The wisdom that living brings
Since I got a telegram from the god of simple things”
We smiled at each other and said in unison, “October 1985!”
Since the night a kid in a Blazer with his right hand turn signal blinking turned left into the path of my Beloved’s motorcycle, we’ve been very aware of the tenuous nature of life and have taken that telegram seriously. He survived the ruptured aorta, concussion, compound fracture of the thigh, broken pelvis, ribs and wrist.
He had been riding motorcycles for 30 years without a major crash. Over the next eight years and countless surgeries, he recovered his ability to walk with only the aid of a cane. Two years after that he threw away the cane.

On Thanksgiving we got a second telegram from the god of simple things. It came in the form of a massive brain bleed that began spontaneously in the basal ganglia. The brain scan made about 20 minutes after the onset of his symptoms showed a terrible sight. The one made an hour later, after his transfer to a stroke center, showed that there would be no good outcome of this. The neurologist told me that he would not survive the night due to uncontrolled blood pressure and bleeding. He was on Plavix so surgery was not an option.

He survived the night and by Saturday morning he was sitting up in bed cracking jokes with the ICU staff. I heard the word “miracle” from more medical staff than I’ve ever heard before. If one looked at his brain scan and then looked at the patient, one would swear that the patient couldn’t possibly be conscious, much less talking and totally aware of his surroundings. There was indeed a lot of damage but he was my Beloved, full of love and kindness and apologies for having ruined our Thanksgiving. He also realized that our lives were changed on a monumental basis. He became a Do Not Resuscitate patient. When he developed pneumonia we contacted hospice and brought him home.

We had four glorious days of love and laughter surrounded by family and friends who came to say goodbye. We read emails and messages from friends all over the globe, listened to our favorite music and went through slide shows of our travels and adventures. Many of those who had shared those adventures came to share the love and laughter.

In the early morning hours of December 5, we watched a spectacular thunderstorm move through the area. He remarked, “Maybe I’ll catch a ride on Thor’s chariot.” A couple of hours later he went to sleep after our usual, “Good night, sweet dreams, I love you.” He caught that ride. And everything is different now.

Mightily written.

P

May he be greeted in Valhalla with a tankard of the finest mead.

so sorry for your loss

/hugs

a reply to: diggindirt

Always sucks to lose someone.

I can say from experience that it will get better but never goes away. You know what kind of a person someone was by the void they leave behind.

Love is forever...

Thanks for reminding us.

hugs to you both!a reply to: diggindirt

a reply to: pheonix358
It was a mighty and beautiful experience once we were free of the medical industrial complex. When I saw them wheeling him up the front sidewalk with a giant grin on his face, I knew that it would be okay. My promises to him that I would do whatever was needed to prevent him dying in a hospital or nursing home were not in vain. He put us all at ease with his death, handling it as he always handled difficult situations, with grace and humor.

a reply to: skunkape23


I've no doubt. But we listened to a lot of Bob Marley those last days so I'm thinking he may be hooking up with Bob when the Viking party grows dull.

a reply to: fiverx313
Thank you. I'm learning to live alone. A totally new experience for me.

a reply to: Bluntone22

I hear you. I'm blessed to have a lot of people who are surrounding me with love and help to ease this transition. They have come and are coming over the holidays from far and near to sit in front of the fireplace, drink a toast and share wonderful memories.

a reply to: whyamIhere
Cherish your loved ones---I would shout it from the rooftops if I thought it would help bring family and friends to a better understanding of the fragile nature of life.

a reply to: ancientthunder
Thank you. There's a severe shortage of hugs in this empty house tonight.

You write from your soul. Beautiful and deeply sad. Thinking of you.

a reply to: diggindirt

Big B I G hugs, Dirt. You are pretty amazing yourself. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, but I'm so happy you had the love and amazing times that you had.

Take good care and be good to yourself.

Bo

a reply to: diggindirt

Your way with words drew me in and I read your post over and over. It's quite a touching moment for the reader when you are able to convey your feelings to such a degree with only words, no physical contact, no being able to see someone's tear filled eyes and no trembling voice speaking trying desperately to hold on.
I think I understand when you say that 'things are different now'.
They are for me after losing someone. I hope it does get better for you and you find peace as I believe your Beloved has found it. It does get some better.
If I remember correctly, you enjoy the spring and the outdoors and those days are just around the corner.
I go to the woods to talk to my Mom, of course she's not there and I'm talking to the wind but it makes me feel like I am with her again. I long for the spring when the forest wakes up again and that's where I will be to heal some more.
Wishing lots of hugs and love your way!

a reply to: diggindirt

Well...someones cutting onions over here.

Very sorry for your loss.
A very nice ode summed up in your writings.

a reply to: Justso
His strength, courage and love were infectious qualities. He put us at ease with the peace he found in knowing that this adventure was coming to an end. It is that peace which sustains me when the empty aching void threatens to overtake me.

a reply to: diggindirt

When words are not enough, I generally offer hugs...

/Hugs

/Hugs

/Hugs

And one more

/big long pick you up off your feet bearhug

Sincerely,
~Joe

a reply to: Boadicea
Thanks Bo. And a big hug back your way for being there for me through this wild ride of alternating despair and joy.