Life...

While I know it is better than the alternative there are days that life looks better through the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

As some may have read in prior rants, my sisters youngest was sexually assaulted and while past the hurting herself part of dealing with it, her Fracking doctor is still pushing the personality disorder is her problem and has her on an ever changing dosage of drugs so she can barely function in public while her therapist says its anxiety driven probably from the Sexual assault and the drugs are not helping. (dont you love health care)

My wife is going to have to leave the military due to high year tenure and because of when she came in it is highly likely she will get nothing, so she is spiraling down into depression and hiding from life, I try to help her as much as I can but our reality now is I have no room left my degree has to be finished by Xmas (if I do not stumble in any class that will happen) so I can work on getting a job that can pay all the bills by the time she leaves the military in September. But this requires me to leave Germany by December so I can get back into the reserves and start job hunting, so she will not have my support on hand.

And my sister just called to let me know they found a mass on one of her ovaries... while I know its not time to panic she has not seen the specialist yet, that is on Monday I am starting to feel stretched to the breaking point and all of my normal support people are the ones with problems... ARGH...

I have to finish my degree..
Get back in the Reserves
Find a job..
Arrange for the transport of our pets home.
Find a home
If I do not complete the degree finding the job that can let us get a home will be a problem, we have some cash saved up but .. I dont know I cannot say no to helping my sister and her kids, but I have to take care of my family, and I cannot do any of that without a job and the pressure is climbing as the clock is running out on having to be back stateside.

A full nights sleep has become a memory, as I cannot get my brain to shut off long enough to sleep for 8 hours, oh and since its mid october and the days are getting shorter I am having my own normal cycle of depression myself.

Aint life grand some times..

a reply to: Irishhaf

when it rains it pours man. hope # get better for you.

a reply to: reddragon2015

Thanks i know it will sooner or later.

a reply to: Irishhaf
Hang in there... the frequencies of life will always have their ups and downs. There will always be rainy days, and the efforts to dance in the rain as compared to dodging rain drops can ease the natural pressures of weather change.

Give float therapy a try... you may thank me later... its the best form of therapy I have found to date. If one has a need to improve pain, sleep, and stress... float therapy will help it.

Best Wishes and keep on being the rock that leads to carry burdens beyond your own!!!

Life can get very stressful , and it sounds like you are getting more than your share of stress. Hang in there OP... and try to take it in little chunks at one time.

You can't fix everyone else , but you can work on getting that degree first.. which in turn will lead to the next, and then the next. You need to focus on your family and mental health first, so you can be there for others. Stress is such a killer, and life can get overwhelming with it.

You and those dear to your heart are in my prayers. I'm especially praying you get your degree and for both your sisters. Hopefully your wife can pull out of her depression or " funk" as well.

I know what you mean about this time of year being a natural downer for some... I'm not a great winter lover ( abhore winter driving) .. and knowing what's around the corner makes me wish I was a bear so I could hibernate all winter long.

Hang in there. I hear you and understand some of what you are going through.

I'm taking off of work tomorrow because my dad needs a driver.

Mom was supposed to get her second knee replaced on Monday. That was cancelled because Dad's gall bladder started to act up. That has since faded, so they are pretty sure that he passed the gall stone. However, it left him with a mild case of pancreatitis, and the gastroenterologist wants to go ahead and get a look-see at the whole area and that needs to be done with a scope because he has a pacemaker and can't do MRI.

Hence me driving him.

In the meantime, they had already cancelled mom's knee because they were afraid dad was getting his gallbladder out. That's not happening now, but her mammogram has since turned up a small lump and the biopsy says it is a tumor. So, I need to drive because she's meeting with her oncologist and surgeon at the same time in a different town.

And they asked my aunt if she could ... but ... my aunt went through throat cancer a couple years ago and a recent checkup discovered a spot that they're pretty sure is scar tissue ... but they're checking *that* out on Friday too!

So my family is falling apart at the moment. Hopefully, dad's issue is pretty well taken care of, and if we're lucky, they'll simply have to remove mom's tumor and that will be that. It isn't large at all or estrogen driven or genetic driven.

But, yes, I know how it is that everything sometimes feels like it's all rolling downhill onto you all at once.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Keep marching on my Irish brotha.

Be there for your loved ones, take care of yourself, and make the best choices you can for the circumstances.

Even when things seem grim try to remember lifes little pleasures too, they are some of the best and finest.

Hope things get better and your good efforts are rewarded. ✌

a reply to: ketsuko

You hang in there yourself, had some of your same issues in the last few months before we shipped out to Germany.

By being there for family is the right thing to do no matter what.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
a reply to: ketsuko

You hang in there yourself, had some of your same issues in the last few months before we shipped out to Germany.

By being there for family is the right thing to do no matter what.

Hey, you may not think so right now, but you'll make it through. It's what we all do right? When others can't, we pick up and do, and when our turn comes, someone will step up for us.

It's what family is.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Someone posted this video the other day. I've been showing it to all my friends. It's very inspiring especially the part where he's dealing with depression mourning his wife who dies from breast cancer:



Watch 3 or 4 times until it sinks in. Much better than alcohol!!

a reply to: dfnj2015

That was fantastic, thank you.

ETA:

On a slightly lighter note, the sheer variety of scotch and whiskey that we have in europe, plus Trapist beer, having a beer or 2 fingers in a tumbler is just hard not to do... especially considering how meh so much of the booze is in the states.

a reply to: Irishhaf

I don't know your spiritual persuasion, & I'm not one to push my beliefs on others, so I will only tell you what works for me!

I have to keep reminding myself, because I get mired in stress & tend to forget, but I try to remember to put everything into God's hands.
So far, He has amazed me with how he takes care of things, things that I thought were impossible! As soon as I say, "Lord, I can't do this anymore. I can't do it by myself. I'm putting everything into your hands. You know best. Show me what to do."
A complete feeling of calm comes over me!

Nowadays, I say it so often, that it's just, "Into your hands Lord!" It's amazing how quickly things have turned around, or answers have come to me. When you get rid of the stress, your mind is able to function again & regain clarity. We waste so much time worrying about things that we really have no control over! If we could stay focused & calm, we might be able to see solutions sooner to the things that we do have control over!

Hubby used to get S.A.D. every October. Since the time only changes in November now, it's not as bad. He does sleep longer though! One of those special lights helped him. It was really bad when he used to work nights & sleep days!

Good luck with all your challenges!
First, try to get enough sleep. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't help anyone else. Maybe try some natural supplements or herbal tea. Couldn't hurt. If you aren't on any other medication that is!

Second, concentrate on your degree. Then everything else in order of priority. Could you do some job & house hunting online in the meantime? If you found some prospects to work from, it might help you feel more positive & at least give you a starting point. At least look & see what is available.

Do you know of anyone who has been through some of the same things that you are facing?
Any military 'message boards' or Facebook sites, where you could ask for advice or suggestions?
The best advice is from people who have already been through something similar.

All the best to you & your family!

WOQ

a reply to: Irishhaf

I'm sorry to hear you and your family are going through hard times. If it helps at all, ovarian masses are more likely to fibroid (benign) than not but they can still grow, be problematic and painful... and just in case she should stay on top of that and should be top priority as there have been great breakthroughs in treating ovarian cancer especially if caught early.

It sounds like your niece needs a different therapy, someone who specializes in sexual assault. Is there someone in your family that can be in charge of that?

Try to delegate, take a deep breath, find something to smile about then find something to laugh about, squeeze your wife tight and watch a sunset/sunrise/pretty cloud and don't feel guilty about it.

a reply to: ketsuko

I can relate... I know you know my personal situation but even before I was diagnosed and since it's been like a cancer explosion among my family friends the last few years and if not cancer, broken bones, broke down cars and trucks while we're all trying to help each other hobble along.

We don't like each other very much but that felt so... dunno just felt the need to say hang in there.

a reply to: Irishhaf

... and drinking makes it worse....

You cannot take it all one... I know that you will say -- but somebody has to do it (whatever it is). You do not have to save/fix anyone or anything. Just be present.

Worrying is a complete WASTE of energy that you need for yourself and family.

I heard something today that really stuck with me - about living LIFE - spiritual living is just/only was you choose to do right now.

And, you don't want to here this but it really helps if practiced everytime your mind 'starts in on you', list the things that you have to be grateful for - not that you FEEL grateful for, but that you know you should be grateful for, like ...

You have a family to care for -- many around the world don't.
You can get a good education - ditto.
You have a roof over your head today -- ditto.
You have clean (relatively) water and food today --- ditto.
and the list goes on and on.

Best wishes -- it is hard to be XX years old.

Be kind to yourself ... and others.

a reply to: Irishhaf

A few years ago, my wife and I went through something similar.

At one point she said, "Why does it always rain on us?"

I said "Rain makes things grow."

You'll get through this.



Will send all the strength and best wishes your way in support.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Life is a series of epic challenges that test our resolve.

I know you can get through these difficult times, you know it too.

Rise up, dig deep and conquer the challenges before you.

There is a reason they call it the 'suck'.

Surprise, it's just not a military thing either... it's out there...in all of life.

I swear I have found that the more you 'will' to make a change, the more the surrounding cosmos tries to keep you locked in. Stuff comes out of the wood work... At some point you gotta just clink a glass and say 'F*(k it'... start swinging harder.

You will break through.

originally posted by: Kali74
a reply to: ketsuko

I can relate... I know you know my personal situation but even before I was diagnosed and since it's been like a cancer explosion among my family friends the last few years and if not cancer, broken bones, broke down cars and trucks while we're all trying to help each other hobble along.

We don't like each other very much but that felt so... dunno just felt the need to say hang in there.

I think you mistake me very much. Just because I disagree with you in no way means I dislike you. If we are ever to go ahead as a people and country, we need to put that kind of thought away.

I don't want you hurting and sick. I don't want anyone hurting and sick. Never do. This place would be poorer without you.