Music has given me a reason to keep going and has destroyed my life (+ hack for guitarists)

"MUSE"ic is like a Siren singing sailors to their doom.

Musicians tend to die quite early. It has a wealth of 27 year old casualties as we know, just to prove a point. Tom died today and he was only 66. Many of my favourite artists died at 27. All of them tended to be highly innovative, unique and gifted individuals in their respective genres.

There are a tiny few lucky musicians who make it to the big time. I would question how lucky they really are though. It is not a world I would want to be part of from what I have seen.

I have been a musician nearly all my life. It has been great. It ruined me for other things though. I am a useless stoner in many ways. I am very prickly and self obsessed really. I put nearly all my energy and money now into my music. It keeps on growing. Contrary to the usual, my skills are still growing as I get older. My voice is actually much better than it used to be. That is obvious. I never had to scream and belt so my voice is not too damaged. My guitar playing leaps from strength to strength still each year. I have added other instruments, too. Now I can play pretty good deep reggae basses that I incorporate into my house music. I can play keyboards really well. I am very skilled and experienced with soft ware, recording, mixing. I am fluent in many genres; the latest being some Jazz as I seek to incorporate elements of this. I can even program very good drums and can play live percussion very well.

I will never be successful because I am not commercial and I don't even really think about audience for what I do any longer. I am not in it for ego, for fame, for money, for some kind of "love me because I am special" #. I still get good ideas and the passion is stronger than ever because success has not placated me. I am still very hungry and I want to keep it that way. My music is for me. It is why I want to stay here for a bit longer. If I didn't have my music there would no longer be any point at all to living, seriously.

It has totally taken over my life. It has made me a very difficult person. My experiences have been very unique and I feel like an alien compared to people around me because they have not seen and sensed what I have because of the creative irritation of my mind, the stimulation of frequencies bombarding me constantly, year after year. Music has led me on a journey through many cultures, particularly Africa, but many more besides.

My family disowned me because of it. They all think it destroyed me, but they do not know that i would have destroyed myself long ago if I had not let music take over my life. There is no future for me and my music other than what I do day to day, keep recording, keep getting better and developing new skills, keep improving equipment.

It is a life. It is not a life that the authorities would approve of. They stood in my way at every crossroads, but lately I don't feel them doing that. It is only good for the business I give to the software and hardware makers and sellers. I guess it employs some people in interesting jobs, jobs I would like to have done if I had been brought up without the usual problems of poverty and childhood emotional disruption holding me back and the lack of opportunities for people like me.

Music got me reading poetry, books, learning about computers, electronics, cultures, vultures, revolution, society, you name it music made me think about it. At it's best it is a psyche stimulant, do you see? Most importantly it taught me not to use violence, but to use words and sounds as the weapon of my expression, even when it is RAGE.

I'm a down and out artist. I love it. I would not have it any other way. Thank you music for breaking and making me. I'm still glad that Siren lured me to the ROCK of my doom.

video.bobdylan.com...

Yea, Bob. I'm always scrounging my next mealz and dealz and it feelz real good.

respect from the Mystery Tramp.

a reply to: Revolution9

Yea, Bob. I'm always scrounging my next mealz and dealz and it feelz real good.

respect from the Mystery Tramp.

Interesting parallel. Dylan became a 'hobo' living on the rails for a period of his life. Where he found himself and gained experience to write about. Down in the dirt, character building lifestyle I can also relate to.

One of his songs, Isis (about a girl, not terrorists) includes reflections from his travels.

Metrolyrics

Have you thought about the underlying reasons to your musical obsession? It seems there is more to it than just being really into music, if you put it before other things, especially family.
My husband is bipolar and has bouts of obsessions about certain things, some having been with him all his life too.
However he has realised why this is and got diagnosed recently. Which has given him an answer as to a lot of his behaviour and he is actively changing it for the better.
Meaning he is now working with his bipolar rather than for it like a slave.

Insight is the first step. Once you know the reason behind your extreme behaviour, you can start changing it to your advantage.

It is not normal to get into something so much that all else fades into nothing. Also you said that you would have been destroyed had it not been for the music to keep you [sane]. That is also not normal, it means you self medicated with music, maybe to distract you from the real reasons.

There is not only hope for you but also a real possibility of a very positive life, once you deal with the actual reasons.

I can't diagnose you and only mentioned my husband as a good example. You could have other issues, from depression and anxiety to PTSD or anything else.

Believe me, even though I believe that you are very talented, it becomes something else if it impacts on your normal life. Therefore I am 100% positive that you have an underlying reason. Find out what it is, once you got a name, you'll feel empowered and don't have to be the salve of your obsessions any longer.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

I applaud your appreciation of the life you have made for yourself. We all make our own choices and must take responsibility for our lives and it seems as you have.

It seems your devotion to music has brought you both happiness and pain but isn't that life for just about everyone?

We all have some regrets as you expressed in your social interactions and and lack of financial resources but you seem to be happy where you have ended so good for you.

Sounds like you have accepted your lifestyle and are pleased with yourself. Keep the good vibes going.

One must live not only on dreams, but the magic carpet ride of reality which is true to all those that posses the gift of music which is the basic foundation of mans musical journey into the world of " music is magic".

a reply to: Revolution9

Any guitarists out there:

If you want a way to get your guitar into the PC or MAC without going to all the trouble and expense of microphones, amps and cabs there are some amazing quality simulation pedals now.

I am just waiting on delivery of a Two Notes Torpedo C.A.B. There are some others on the market, too. The sound quality is excellent. I have been struggling to find an answer to this as I can't use loud CABS because of neighbours and you need a good big sound for quality recording of guitar and bass through microphone. I have my speaker monitors for reasonable enough volume for mixing, but to record a guitar well it has to be a good rig. Software simulations leave a lot to be desired, even UAD2 Marshall simulations. This Two Notes is in another league.

I plan next time to get an Eventide H9 Max Stompbox. With these two and a decent pre amp I will have the quality of sound I requite. The stompbox is very Sci Fi. I am looking for very psychedelic, ambient, spacey sounds to play on my House and Electronic compositions, not so much the gritty rock distortion.





(Sorry, not the most pro demo but I do like this guy's stoner attitude. He's cool)

a reply to: Hecate666

I am very self aware. I am bipolar, yes. I don't have any family of my own (wife and kiddies). My life would be empty. Though music made me a poor choice to would be partners and is part of the reason why women did not find me a good investment. Only the musicians who make a lot of money or have a lot of fame get the female interest, other than when we are kids and having fun.

I was never selfish before. If you look at earlier threads about my employment history that becomes apparent. It has been a replacement thing. It gradually took over.

It's a lovely way to live if you don't have family. It fills that void. It has a great effect on one's person. it eases the pain, eases the rage, gives self expression. It is cathartic, big time.

Particularly for bipolar people it may be the thing that will SAVE YOU.

Art is a great place for eccentric and crazy people to hide, a sanctuary, an excuse, an identity and a LIFE.

Art is the shadow that once we look behind us, we see a shade that can lead us out of the hopeless of "why can't I be better" in my art.

I'm bipolar also and my music is an expression of my life! an outlet of my feelings, sadness and happiness, the speed and edge of my life! I don't need drugs and booze anymore! that's why those other's died young, they burned out to early! the road is an extremely hard life! famous or not! it got to me also but i survived and found love and contentment and joy with wife and family! the pressure to achieve fame fell from my ego and it was much easier to improve my skills! i'm 55 now and lost my sweet wife in April! And my sadness is profound! I am blessed and grateful of life! i don't play live much anymore, i still play everyday can't be too far from my guitar! so for me it's love and joy and music

originally posted by: TimHeller
I'm bipolar also and my music is an expression of my life! an outlet of my feelings, sadness and happiness, the speed and edge of my life! I don't need drugs and booze anymore! that's why those other's died young, they burned out to early! the road is an extremely hard life! famous or not! it got to me also but i survived and found love and contentment and joy with wife and family! the pressure to achieve fame fell from my ego and it was much easier to improve my skills! i'm 55 now and lost my sweet wife in April! And my sadness is profound! I am blessed and grateful of life! i don't play live much anymore, i still play everyday can't be too far from my guitar! so for me it's love and joy and music

As wood is to light your fire of warmth, the kindle is the love you share with your love one that has left your earthly life.

a reply to: musicismagic
That was beautiful. Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful post. It deeply affected me.

I think people who don't get it, just don't get it.

My girlfriend and others don't understand why Saturday night jams are so important to us... it's like This weird church/therapy hybrid that when gone too long without leaves a hole and a craving to get back into the river.

If you've never tapped in you won't understand. But to those that do, even if it's for our own self gratification, cheers!



a reply to: Revolution9

originally posted by: musicismagic

originally posted by: TimHeller
I'm bipolar also and my music is an expression of my life! an outlet of my feelings, sadness and happiness, the speed and edge of my life! I don't need drugs and booze anymore! that's why those other's died young, they burned out to early! the road is an extremely hard life! famous or not! it got to me also but i survived and found love and contentment and joy with wife and family! the pressure to achieve fame fell from my ego and it was much easier to improve my skills! i'm 55 now and lost my sweet wife in April! And my sadness is profound! I am blessed and grateful of life! i don't play live much anymore, i still play everyday can't be too far from my guitar! so for me it's love and joy and music

As wood is to light your fire of warmth, the kindle is the love you share with your love one that has left your earthly life.

Thank you for the beautiful words! they are now in my heart

Art isn't something you "do"....

Being an artist is a lifestyle that non artists can't understand. Pity because they will never touch the face of GOD.

a reply to: Revolution9

I have a THD Hot Plate. It is a passive load that goes between your amp and your cab. You can leave you amp full open, dampen the volume in steps, one setting gives you a volume knob, then there is "full load" where you do not need a cabinet. I turn my amp about half, to 3/4, and use the volume knob one. It works really well. There is a "line out" that you can run to a mixing board. Only problem, you have to match cab impedance.

I also have a SansAmp Classic that does speaker emulation. I use it Kurt Cobain style as just a plain on/off distortion pedal. But I do have that option.

I have a Rocktron splitter/mixer thing (Rack Interface) that comes with speaker cab emulation out (xlr) but I have not used it that way. I have both a rack set up and a pedal board set up (the rack was in storage for a couple years). As I have accumulated things I have multiple methods of getting my sound into the recording software.

That Torpedo looks like a nice one to have!

Most new amps have USB built-in. I'm kind of old fashioned and like to hear at least some sound. Apartment living has made keeping the level down a necessity, so yeah, know the feeling of "one more piece of equipment..."!!

Glad the Torpedo is working out for you!

I keep on playing myself. I know the "love of music" thing as well. I find a balance (at least try to). I go from loner, to shut in, to out going/inclusive, then back round. Guitar (and music) are my constant companions!

Keep on rocking in the free world!