I've lost my daughter.

originally posted by: bally001

I will never let go.

bally

So sorry for the predicament you and your wife find your selves in, you have had

much good advice given you in this thread, but different laws, different countries

make some advice unhelpful....I don't have much more to add to what has already

been said but ....

She can't return till you have let her go!

We only ever learn by our own mistakes, and the hardest thing for a parent to

watch is their children making mistakes that could be avoided if they would only

learn from our own hard earned experiences.

My best wishes to you for a happy out come.

a reply to: eletheia

Point taken. When I said I'd never let her go it wasn't a consideration towards any form of holding her close it was a heart felt cry out towards her regardless of what she is doing.

I don't condone her behavior but I wish we could hold her close again.

bally

originally posted by: bally001
a reply to: eletheia
Point taken. When I said I'd never let her go it wasn't a consideration towards any form of holding her close it was a heart felt cry out towards her regardless of what she is doing.

I don't condone her behavior but I wish we could hold her close again.

bally

Lol!! I realise that, was just pointing out that she must have some spirit to be

striking out at such an early age? While very frightening I know for you and the

rest of your family

I hope that same spirit will bring her home when she realises for herself that it is

love and caring she has from her family and not control.

The time this will take will be very hard on you, and it is for that i reiterate my

best wishes to you and your family.

a reply to: bally001

Keeping an eye on this thread hoping for the best . If things were different im thinking i would like to go along with you on that long drive tomorrow .

Never give up. Loss may be temporary and when she comes back she'll need family. Just make sure that you keep the judgement and accusation out of any contact and reconciliation.

Also, stop the guilt. People grow up and choose their on path. You cannot expect everyone to turn out well, even with best intentions.

a reply to: bally001
That's rough. Just know that the situation isn't without hope. I have a niece that was in the same situation, running with meth heads and doing all that. She got arrested a few times. Now she's going to counseling and getting herself back together. So, don't lose hope.

a reply to: bally001

Cried after I read this.

Please do not blame yourself. Teens face so much peer pressure these days it's awful. You can offer to keep them busy, but most of the time, they refuse to do anything with family - just want to hang out with their friends.

They lie, hide things from you, and then there's the damn drug dealers. They never seem to have convictions; don't know how they get out of it? Except in Boston, we had that state chemist Annie Dookhan nightmare, that allowed 24,000 cases to be dismissed. It's an uphill battle for parents, cops.

My sister left home at 16, after running away from Juvie. Nothing could stop her, not even my love as a sister, and I begged her. She's 50 now, highly successful. Luckily, she came to her senses and straightened out her life. At one point, we hadn't heard from her in 2 years.

I will pray for you, I pray for my teen too. I know many other parents who provided the best homes, vacations, educational opportunities, structure, to have lost their kids to the streets.

This world is horrible for kids these days. When I grew up, we spent our Friday and Saturday nights roller skating. Throw in the drug dealers (who are everywhere), the wrong crowd and it's a recipe for disaster.

I know many teachers who did everything right and still lost kids to drugs.

Where do you live? Can you have her sectioned?

a reply to: bally001

Your post touched me very deeply and I can feel your pain. I can't imagine being on the receiving end of that or what I would do if ever faced with the same from my daughters.

It made me think of my young life, it seems like a different person lived it as if I am watching in the third person. Was that really me? Did I really do those things? Did I really live that life for so long? It's like a dream/nightmare now. Foggy around the edges and always gray, although it was so colorful then.

I left home at 15 and never looked back. the emotional pain that I must have caused my folks has always been a shadow of guilt that hovers over me still, never sleeping, ever present. It lays across my back like a heavy blanket. The were very old and had done the best that they could for me. I repaid that by being dissatisfied and absent from them. I showed my appreciation by embarrassing them and bringing them shame. Trying to kill myself, perhaps. I think it becomes cyclical.

They were good people, my folks, and they came to my rescue more than once. I would go with them sometimes, get a hot meal, sober up so to speak, and within days go right back (quietly and in the night) to the life I knew and must have loved.

It wasn't methamphetamine in those days. Other drugs coupled with fast easy money, the club scene in those days (Florida and cities along the east coast of the US) was an intoxicating world and one that I found myself unable to resist. Days spent on the ocean, partying, blocks of time missing and forever gone. The allure of fast living, money, clothes, travel and interesting people was stronger than any upbringing my parents had provided me.

I had an epiphany, of sorts, after having almost been killed in my 20s. A gun in the mouth, type of almost killed, and that was the beginning of the 'healing' as I'll call it. My brother came and saved me that time and it worked. I went in and out for a few years after but, eventually with massive support and understanding, compassion, forgiveness as well as inner strength I was able to escape that prison and begin to really live.

So, what I am offering to you is hope. There is no rational explanation sometimes for, despite what we do as parents, the choices our children make. It may never makes sense. One can only hope that the person can be saved before too much damage is done or something more tragic happens.

You may save her, and good of you to try IMO but if she is not ready, I'm afraid she will go back.
In the end, looking back, the choices that I made that caused so much pain and torture had nothing to do with the people who felt the pain. It was about me and my issues, be it self loathing, inability to suppress the need for change, feelings of isolation or a need to be accepted and wanted, needing to be free from a prison, in my mind perhaps, that didn't exist.

I hope that you can save your daughter, there are so many lost souls in this world. I hope her epiphany comes quickly and before it's too late. Just know that there may be nothing you could have done or can do now, except try and that's almost as much for you as for her. No matter what happens, you will need to go on living. Remember that.

I wish you the best of luck, truly, and hope the best for your daughter. I will be thinking of you all often and with positivity and hope perhaps some of it can reach you all.

Please stay in touch. We will be here when you need.

a reply to: bally001

God Bless ya Bally...we are all pull in' for you. You're a great father...if only for the reason you care as you do. Some daughters have no father, or one that even cares. Its obvious you do.

I've never had kids in 45 years and 3 marriages...God just had His reasons why not. I'm OK with it....so you sir are blessed.

Always fight the good fight. This is one of those....Contact me or any of us, anytime if you want to just talk. I'm here, we're here for you.

Best, MS

a reply to: bally001

Your post is encouraging.

Thanks

Keep your channels of communication open with her even it's through a friend of hers. She'll come back as long as you keep the hearth warm and she knows the door's open. It could take days or months. You'll likely find you and the family on the receiving end of some unpleasant comments from her and her current circle of friends. She's a kid still and thinks like one even if that includes thinking she's got the world sussed. Rough rides for all of you including her so keep your calm and keep the family together until it's over.

The authorities can give support and advice whilst she's in the twilight zone between 16 and 18.

Least ways I know she is still alive.

Tomorrow I'll sum up my position. Take the dressing from my face and go for a long drive.

Good advice and a healthy perspective.

a reply to: MOMof3 It was an expensive endeavor, to the tune of $2500.00 per month if I remember correctly.

a reply to: bally001are you in us because unless you lost custody of her to her mother or the state i believe until she is 18 she has no say so where she stays unless she married or got an emancipation from parents order. if she doesn't grab her up over your shoulder and drag her home. and any one who tries to stop you have them arrested.trouble nowadays children think they entitled to do as they want because liberal snow flakes got them taught that way.

a reply to: mamabeth

If this had been my daughter,I would have gone right over to that drug house.
Grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and dragged her kicking and screaming
out to my car. I would be like a mama bear if someone tried stopping me.

EXACTLY what I did! she was 16! I told everyone in that house that if they had anything more to do with my daughter I would kill them. She turned out wonderful her and her lifelong husband have a business of their own.

16 is still school age they are kids they need someone strong.

a reply to: bally001

i Followed your thread, you cant do anything, just be there when she falls..or you will just push her away

originally posted by: bally001
a reply to: KansasGirl

Hi Kansas Lady,

I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for you open post. This is not unexpected. My daughter was born in the Tanami desert and subsequently went through a ceremony. Her aboriginal name is Yumingali'. (we are not aboriginal) According to the legend she is the princess of the 'Warlpiri' tribe and is entitled to a place anywhere in central Australia.

During the ceremony, which was documented, she was passed through smoke from one aboriginal lady elder to another in the various clans - nakamarra, nungala and so on. She is a nampijimpa and her mother is married to a Jampijimpa who, although older than me, (hard to comprehend) is my son. I am a Jungala and my daughter's mother is a Nungarai. Well that is important to her heritage in aboriginal sense.

Of all our children this daughter is the only one taken into the desert and put through this 'smoking' ceremony.

I am sad that I permitted this even though it was insisted at the time for cultural reasons. My wife was there. Men were not permitted.

I hesitate to say that all this may have been an influence and in the long term I feel my daughter has suffered. I will be in touch with her aboriginal grandparents to see if they can assist in fixing the situation. I will try all avenues.

Thank you for you reply,

bally

This is the part that i was interested in,

Are any of you aboriginal? How old was she? And why?

a reply to: tikbalang

Thanks for your concern.

Yes, we are mulling over this. Latest is she has been in contact with her elder brother's friends. It is 8am here presently and we have an idea where she is.

Appears she's been on a 'bender' but can't say for sure. Following up some positive info before we go to look for her.

Bally

a reply to: tikbalang

Hi again.

No we are not aboriginal but accepted into the families. It's a long story as to why and perhaps requires a longer response to adequately explain it. Nowadays we live many miles away.

regards,

bally

a reply to: Char-Lee

A this may happen today. We (family) have discussed this.

cheers,

bally

a reply to: proteus33

Thanks for posting. We have a great family. No custody stuff. My daughter has taken herself away with another crowd. We'll sought this out today.

bally