What characteristics do you look for in a significant other?

This issue has always been a battle between my heart and my head. My heart says to go with attractiveness and personality. My head says to go with maturity.

After a recent experience where things turned out horribly due to the immaturity of the other person, I plan to go for maturity first from now on.

I know two women in real life who have expressed great interest in being close friends with me. One of them is very cute (I'll call her "the cute one"); the other one is very mature (I'll call her "the mature one").

First, do I have a chance with them? The cute one has basically agreed to go on a date-type thing with me. She also asked me on a pseudo-date herself a while ago. The mature one tried to get me to be friends with her many times. I think I have a good chance at getting a real date with both of them.

With that established, let's get to the relevant part. I'll rate both of these women on the relevant factors we're discussing (on a scale of 0 to 100). Please don't ask how I know these things, but I've dealt with both of them enough to know.

Maturity

The cute one 50/100
The mature one 95/100

Personality

The cute one 100/100
The mature one 80/100

Attractiveness

The cute one 95/100
The mature one 70/100

The cute one is so cute, it's like cuteness is woven into her DNA. Cuteness is in every cell in her body. When she speaks, her words flow out in a cute way. When she walks and moves, it's pure cuteness. But, I know she's not very mature at all.

In the past, I would have just gone after the cute one. That would have been following my heart over my head.

I suppose the school of hard knocks has taught me to be less superficial.

Of course, there are other relevant factors. The discussion above only applies to me.

a reply to: Profusion

There are a few I have, but need more time to think that out before posting those characteristics. In the meantime, good luck with the 'cute one' - that's my pick

She must be a skilled sandwich maker.

Prompt in beer fetching.

Proficient in dishwashing.

Funny.

originally posted by: Bobaganoosh
She must be a skilled sandwich maker.

Prompt in beer fetching.

Proficient in dishwashing.

Funny.

I take it you've not had much luck!

You might not be that mature yourself, if you're valuing 'cuteness' that much. It tends to wear thin after a while.

Go for someone who makes you laugh, who is responsible (is able to support themselves so you don't feel like a wallet after a while) and ...

someone who you can discuss differences with, without yelling...

this is important, listen carefully...

SOMEONE YOU WOULD STILL LIKE IF YOU WERE BLIND.

This is for marriage and long term relationship potential categories only. Maybe you should casually date cute one and mature one both, making it clear to both of them that you aren't ready to be serious. Very clear. As in crystal clear. The cute one will probably think if she just keeps being cute, she'll win you over and then get mad (and seriously uncute) if this doesn't work almost instantaneously. The mature one will likely say 'okay' and then keep on the lookout for other people to date, too. Whereupon which you'll start liking the mature one more, cuz you can't manipulate her and other people are interested in her too.

Or maybe cute one will stay cute, even 40 years from now. You never know.

You really should choose the mature one, but let's be honest that will be boring!

It's up to you, it comes down to who's company you enjoy the most, can you get along well and share the same interests. Opposites don't attract I've found. Whoever made up that line is an idiot! Nothing worse than being with someone who listens to crap music and doesn' t want to do the same activities. The person needs to be fun, of course a sense of humour is a must.

well as its 2016 just find the one that is mentally stable and not a member of a "feminist" club...

If neither have a paid up subscription to "bat # crazy man bash".com

Then....


Defo go for looks, at the end of the day is it not all to just make your mates envy you whilst you have a nice ass to look at in the morning??.... You can have a lot of fun if she is lacking a bit of maturity, you do not want some boring hag that turns into the typical western wife just eating KFC whilst watching re-runs of Dr Phil.. The other bird would probably just bore you after a bit and it is very doubtful you would get a cheeky summint summint whilst you was in the back of a taxi in Bangkok..


RA

Always go with your head - the heart will only get one into trouble.

What would I want in a partner? Solvency - top priority. Nobody wants to get stuck with a leech.

Trustworthiness used to come first, but I've had some hard lessons to learn and some people you can absolutely trust to be after your money.

This goes for platonic as well as romantic relationships.

Continuing the list: sense of humour, independent personality, able to understand me, well mannered, kind, and never underestimate the importance of considerate.

A considerate person is worth their weight in gold.

I like 'interesting' looks - no oil paintings for me. If a person is too attractive they trade on their looks and never develop a personality.

Lastly, I could probably find most of the above in a dog and be just as happy

a reply to: violet

Naw, I'm one of the luckiest guys in the world. Just celebrated 10 years with my wonderful wife.

The box doesn't have enough space for me to list her qualities. Those are just the four I went into the relationship looking for..

Without knowing your age, it's hard to offer you advice on the two women. You may still be in your early 20s, and therefore I'd expect most of the women of your age to still be immature to some extent. I also don't know your intentions. Are you looking for a long term relationship, or are you just looking to date a bit? This is all really dependent on many factors. I'd go with with the one with the nicer ass, but that's just me.

Qualities I look for most:

1. Fit, Attractive Body - If I'm not immediately sexually attracted to you, why even bother?

2. Intelligence - After dating a person with less than impressive thought patterns and realizing she was incapable of having abstract conversations, I now require my woman to be an intellectual.

3. Personality - I like a quick-witted woman who knows how to laugh and make me laugh.

4. Dat A$$ - No explanation really needed.

I'll end my post here for the sake of brevity. I think it's important to point out that there are two schools of thought here: those who think looks don't matter, and those that do.

When I was a young man it was beauty, then I aged a bit and it became maturity & confidence, now it's " does she have a heart beat".......Plus I make sure she has her AARP card............pun intended.

Sane
Smart
Social
Loving
Patient
Direct
Understanding
Attractive (to me)

Seems like a short list, but honestly its a tall order.

a reply to: violet

My problem is,I work around ladies in 20's and 30's,which unfortunately is my kids age,and I don't drink so seems never have much encounters with older ladies,and don't get me wrong when they bring up the subject I have to say"I;m prohibited from fraternizing with employees" so I'll forge on maybe meet a hot granny at a pain management center,oh well search continues

a reply to: Profusion

Someone with low enough standards to be enamored by me

Someone who reminds me of Jesus.

a reply to: Profusionbeing as a non genders specified being I look for kindness and wholesome clear thinking and ability to comprehend my language...a quiet natured sort...one that lets me treat them as a favored guest.


interesting thread.

Kindness. Sweetness. Joyfulness.

Compassionate, caring empathetic.

Fun, great sense of humor.

Adventurous. Reflective.

Honest. Faithful. True.

Committed. Authentic.

Smart. Wise. Childlike.

Romantic. Noble. Accountable.

Creative. Giving. Supportive.

Light filled. Peaceful. Happy. Centered.

Spiritual.

Loving....loveable.

Respecrful. Honorable. Real.

I was blessed to love and be loved by such a man.

And, as a bonus, he was handsome, professionally successfull, highly educated naturally brilliant, and a great kisser. Lousy taste in attire, music and a bit messy. But hey, he was nearly perfect

Why he loved me, it is a mystery. But I lost him to a heart attack.

So when you find love, embrace it, and honor it. You can never know when your loved one will leave this plane.

In a male, I look for personality. My biggest thing is, no self absorbed people. I don't like egotistic types. D bags. I don't like for them to feel like they are dating down with me. I also don't like bragadocious people. And I'm not into muscle heads lol.
I love theater geeks and thespians. Artists. I love stubble and scruffy hair, like Zac Efron or Bradley Cooper, or Ryan Gosling.
A good sense of humor. An ability to "sud-ooze". They cant take themselves too seriously. Self deprecating humor is awesome. Somebody who knows what they wants and follows through with what they say.

In a female, either an assertive young40s-late 30s woman, and I'm gonna shut up before I get myself in trouble.

Honesty, faithfulness ,intelligence, decent looks, common interests like the gym, movies, music, love of the paranormal ...

Sick sense of humor lol. A woman who is sexually aware and not repressed by stigma or the inability to experiment lol sounds shallow but as you get older it's really not, that can be a spiritual heavily bonding experience in itself

And I love tattoos!

If I could find a tattooed gamer girl who goes to the gym w me every day and has the above qualities I'd marry her ....yesterday! Lol

originally posted by: Profusion

In the past, I would have just gone after the cute one. That would have been following my heart over my head.

Heart? You sure that the right part of your anatomy you would be following?

I would say, don't over think it and I like Grandmother's advise to Alison in the film Cry Baby: 'Alison, pick the one that loves you the most'.