Avoid Texting So Much: Science Shows How It's Psychologically Messing With You

COLLECTIVE EVOLUTION
[Perhaps not for the faint-hearted nor for those awaiting on the Supreme Court to verify what is TRUTH]
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[Perhaps you could do the shockingly brave thing of considering the information on its own merits.]
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By Alexa Erickson
15 June 2016

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www.collective-evolution.com...
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1. The lack of tactics used in non-verbal communication.
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In everyday life, we rely on voice inflection, facial expressions, and body language to interact with people in a way that allows them to understand how we feel and what we mean. These things are obviously not possible via texting. And while there are different forms, say the use of caps, exclamation points, and emojis, sometimes it’s the initial wording that can throw someone off and create a downward spiral. Bottom line, it is easy to misinterpret texting.
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2. Men and women often value texting differently.
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As a woman, I can certainly vouch for the fact that men simply don’t send 10 emojis and a novel every single time they text me or respond to something I’ve said, whether it be a significant other or a friend.
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Men, you may wonder why women never seem interested in ending a texting conversation, or how they can go on forever with their girlfriends about anything and everything.
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Each gender values communication differently, having different significances. Sometimes they align, and sometimes they don’t. Ronald D. Smith, a communications professor at Buffalo State (SUNY), believes men communicate to convey information while women do so to create intimacy. [emphasis added]
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The problem is not getting what you put out. Women want to bond, while men want to exchange information, and if the communication is not aligned to the others’ needs, someone can get annoyed or even angry. It creates conflict where no conflict ought to be.
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3. It can create an unrealistic sense of power.
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4. The "read receipt" can mess with our minds.
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5. It makes way for lying.
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6. The conversation that goes on, and on, and on.

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I think their point that solitude can be essential to health and healthy relationships is an important one.
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Yet, as they noted, our friends 'live' in our pockets and purses.
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And the way some folks seem to be compulsively texting virtually every waking moment--it's a bit easy to think that this whole generation, era, is terrified of being alone; is incapable of feeling comfortable in their own skin without constant affirmations from their list of "friends" on FB or whatever other online medium.
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Then there's the business of necks are getting to be physiologically compromised because of the constant looking-at-cell-phone posture.
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I don't think there's a solution.
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The solution will come when the EMP of WWIII has struck and there's no more electricity nor chip based anything to be addicted to. THEN we are likely to find masses of people residing in Catatonia . . . hours on end . . . days on end. Not good.
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a reply to: BO XIAN

My wife's (male) cousin is incapable of sending fewer than 5 text messages whenever he needs to get in touch. I try to make a point to him by responding with as few words as possible, it just never lands. Clearly it's not as black-and-white as its made to be in the article quoted. Some people just talk too much. Overall, I think the article raises some good points. I think smartphones are a huge problem for society.

That link cannot be anymore wrong. Was it written by a teenager in high school or something?

a reply to: MiddleInitial

INDEED.

However, maleness vs femaleness doesn't always have to do with genitals at birth. We are all on a continuum from extremely and only masculine to extremely and only feminine on a list of variables, traits, factors.

Then there's the whole RAD (Attachment Disorder) influences breeding epidemic levels of insecurity and worthlessness--needing constant affirmation to feel like one is worth breathing air and taking up space.

Thanks for your kind reply.

I wonder what would happen if you metacommunicated about your texting with the bloke. Ask him if generally he would like you to respond to his first text, the middle text or the last text--that he has to pick ONE. LOL. He probably couldn't manage that.

a reply to: TheLotLizard

U naysaying a thread of mine?

What a shocking development!

How can I ever recover!

/s

Posting on sites like this is technically texting.

a reply to: rickymouse

Even from a full keyboard and a desktop?

I didn't know! LOL.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: TheLotLizard

U naysaying a thread of mine?

What a shocking development!

How can I ever recover!

/s

No but I am naysaying the article lol.

I only see these problems with that of people in school, those who are mentally immature, or those with self esteem issues.

My girlfriend and I behave equally through texts and we both are short and to the point. I believe this would only be the case to couples or acquaintances of the opposite sex that see each other for a limited time of the week.

In case of the power trip, it would apply if you allowed yourself to to think a trivial thing such as a text holds power over you. I don't think most people would care if their message wasn't read, or was read and not replied. Again it's a form of your own weakness and esteem issues.

I think that texts bring more truth to people than lying. Notice most break ups and fights occur these days through texts?

If anything I would think public media and forum sites like these are a greater harm to the psychological being than texts. With trolls, cyber bullies, hate gangs, discrimination, and anonymity anything you say about anything no matter where you say it people will ALWAYS come in and try to drain your soul away from you.

But its were I do all my sexting.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Don't you think that many of the issues bought forth about texting relate to internet communication as well, like here on ATS? I marvel at how some of the things I say here are just taken as 90degrees from my intent. And not just mine. Sometimes I just have to shake my head when I read responses to things that seemed to have missed the point entirely.

But for me at least, this problem also goes back to simple telephone conversations. Way back I noticed that a call to simply communicate information like where and when and did you know were easily accomplished, but anything more than that, say a true discussion, one that entails the presenting of opposing or contradictory information is just impossible. Without those facial gestures and body language, even on the phone, it just doesn't work.

And I feel a dove-tail with my thread a few days ago "watch me mommy". While the focus of that thread was basically limited to young children and their attention needs, my real question was centered around the larger question of a morphing in human consciousness in this day of not only 'selfies' and everyone with a personal phone and internet hook ups, all the way back to the telephone itself.

The idea that we will not be alone if we stay in touch through modern communication devises. This article suggests that it is not so, that we are NOT really connecting, only pretending to. And my extension on that is if we are only pretending to communicate, how long will it be before this is completely the norm, that children and people who have been raised in this manner will not know true communication at all, ever, that when in physical groups or in the company of others will not know how to do it, will just be isolated and feel uncomfortable, not be brave enough to even make eye contact.

Now I know that I am exaggerating here, but just when will this 'new norm' supplant the 'old norm' and never the twain shall meet?

I just don't understand the appeal of texting, it's a pain in the a@@ to type stuff out on a tiny keyboard. It's much more efficient to simplay call, state your business and be done with it. With some people, you just can't end a texting session, they keep replying when I don't want to talk to them anymore

a reply to: BO XIAN

Perhaps there's a little more to the 'texting' phenomenon.
For example:
I do not like talking on the phone with some of my family. It is almost physically painful. Yet, we text on phone and message on FB.
This is a happy medium, for me, as I can end the conversation without suffering the guilt and hearing the disappointment in their tone. They know my feelings yet sometimes insist on actually talking. Hearing each other's voices when, IMO, it isn't always necessary.

Texting, IMO, is just a way to share information and not have to 'make up' things or 'fill up empty space' with words. Direct and to the point in other words.

Is it a RAD thing? Possibly. You know my situation and it WAS easier and more informative for me to write and receive written responses than it was to talk face to face. The boys essentially 'shut down' often when face to face communication was happening. So, maybe?

I know folks who are too shy to ever talk on the phone. Texting/messaging/emails/etc. may be their only forms of communication

I think you've almost got to have as thick a skin to text/message as you do on forums.

Sometimes when you are wanting to text, the other person is busy and vice versa. It's the same to me with folks that I PM on ATS. They'll get back to me when time permits. I don't take it personally. Or at least I try not to. Real life exists.

A friend of mine who I am close to recently texted some things that could have easily have been misinterpreted and led to drama and inability to forgive and let go but knowing where they are in their life and what they are going through I just have to chalk it up to insensitivity on their part (justifiably so) and not an intentional hurt. We've texted since and I've not mentioned it (and likely never will) and they, from what I can gather, don't even realize how it 'sounded'.

Maybe texting keeps some friendships intact in the sense that you don't see their eyes and body language so you don't ever know the if they were truly upset with you or not.

Of course, real life eye to eye conversations are best but, not always possible.

I think the first two are good points. One thing, though - girls don't seem to text me back all the time or text me long texts. The few that do are into me by their own admission. Maybe girls text each other long texts with lots of emojis? What do you think girls on ATS? Most of the texts I get from girls are short with no content.

I think you make many excellent points. Maybe I can respond to some of them below.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: BO XIAN

Perhaps there's a little more to the 'texting' phenomenon.

Welllll, people are complex and texting MUST be, as well. Though I think some of the principles highlighted in the OP make some reasonable sense.

For example:
I do not like talking on the phone with some of my family. It is almost physically painful. Yet, we text on phone and message on FB.
This is a happy medium, for me, as I can end the conversation without suffering the guilt and hearing the disappointment in their tone. They know my feelings yet sometimes insist on actually talking. Hearing each other's voices when, IMO, it isn't always necessary.

I've often asked myself--why do so many MEN seem to enjoy texting--or at least use it a lot whether they enjoy it, or not. I think it is a control issue that you mention here a time or 3. They can choose to end the conversation or how much to say etc. etc. without it automatically being a big "Federal case" to the woman involved.

Texting, IMO, is just a way to share information and not have to 'make up' things or 'fill up empty space' with words. Direct and to the point in other words.

I think that is particularly an important thing for most men. They can feel threatened, intimidated, wary, insecure, fearful, uncomfortable etc. with long drawn out dialogues with a woman. They just don't typically think like a woman does and fear persistently the relatively high risk that they'll say the wrong thing and end up in the dog-house yet again without a clue about why or what to do about it. I think texting relieves some of that pressure--whether real or only in their own heads.

Is it a RAD thing? Possibly. You know my situation and it WAS easier and more informative for me to write and receive written responses than it was to talk face to face. The boys essentially 'shut down' often when face to face communication was happening. So, maybe?

I know folks who are too shy to ever talk on the phone. Texting/messaging/emails/etc. may be their only forms of communication

I think you've almost got to have as thick a skin to text/message as you do on forums.

Sometimes when you are wanting to text, the other person is busy and vice versa. It's the same to me with folks that I PM on ATS. They'll get back to me when time permits. I don't take it personally. Or at least I try not to. Real life exists.

A friend of mine who I am close to recently texted some things that could have easily have been misinterpreted and led to drama and inability to forgive and let go but knowing where they are in their life and what they are going through I just have to chalk it up to insensitivity on their part (justifiably so) and not an intentional hurt. We've texted since and I've not mentioned it (and likely never will) and they, from what I can gather, don't even realize how it 'sounded'.

Maybe texting keeps some friendships intact in the sense that you don't see their eyes and body language so you don't ever know the if they were truly upset with you or not.

Of course, real life eye to eye conversations are best but, not always possible.

More great points. Thanks.

I just hate the tediousness of it and only use it to arrange lunch times and places etc.

I'd much rather use email or a voice call.

I've done a fair amount of successful counseling on the phone--much across the Pacific! LOL. So that works for me even without the non-verbal visual stuff. I haven't tried "FACE TIME" though I understand lots of folks love it. I don't have Apple products and hate having to set Skype up with my headset etc. Sill me, I know.

Thanks for your kind words.

a reply to: darkbake

That's an interesting thing. I wonder if you've communicated to them somehow that you prefer briefer texts?

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Bo, I think this is applicable to all text-based communication. Focusing on one method solely may not give us the full picture.

It allows for an enormous amount of personal projection into what we read, and I don't feel that is a good thing. After enough time, this projection can even over ride all the nuances of in-person communication when it does happen.

As a society, I think we have always struggled with communication. Text-based communication accentuates many of the negative habits that have plagued our interactions for generations.

When it was first starting to take hold, I had hoped it would highlight these things so that we can fix them (fool that I am ). Obviously, that didn't happen. What we say, and how we say it, has become significantly more important than what we actually do. Among other issues, this facilitates high levels of hypocrisy.

Perhaps such impersonal communication, that relies so strongly on us living in our own heads much more frequently, is a massive contributor to the ever growing divides between social groups.

People interact with their own minds and the other people involved tend to be used solely for confirmation bias of those internal archetypes. The other people will see this as "putting words in their mouth," but that is actually what the other person sees when they read. In many cases, it isn't intentional manipulation or intentional misunderstand, its a lack of ability to communicate with another sentient being.

Some may even say that this is used to intentionally manipulate people through their self identified social groups..

originally posted by: researchverified
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Spammer apparently.....seeing another nonsense post in another thread as well. I'm not seeing an option to report this kind ofthing

I see so many kids (young men not teenagers) on their phones just walking idly... even during lectures they're glued to their phones, like they're hypnotized. I also find it affects spelling (written spelling that is).