Just Found This Out, And It Ain't Good

A co-worker just told me his brother in law has been raping his fifteen year old daughter/stepdaughter(not sure of the connection). He's on the lam, as well he should be but still, this hurts. I'm not the victim but after fifteen years of Law and Order:Special Victims Unit I've certainly gotten to understand how much this can screw a person up and how much this will hurt her. All I want to do, as a man with some standards, is hug her and tell her we all ain't that bad and that's probably the worst thing I could do.

A hug is the best way to hide a face, according to Dr. Who(Is he wrong?) and would probably scare the girl even more than she already is.

I just don't get it. I don't care how good looking she is, how sexy she might be, one just doesn't do that. She's fifteen, FFS!


Why? Just why does this girls life have to be ruined because of a sexual predator? I have almost no connection to this family, never met the girl or her rapist or anyone else in the family, but damn it hurts to hear this kind of BS.

I have lived most of my life without sex(chicks don't dig Spanish Archers, I guess) yet I've never gone to this extreme nor even thought of it. So, WTF? The emotional scars on this girl will mostly last forever just so some guy can get his rocks off by torturing a child. Who the hell does something like this?

I don't know what to think as this is the first time rape has hit someone I might actually know. I do know someone who committed suicide a few years ago and that still hurts, even if she was just a passing acquaintance, but this hurts much more as this girl will have to live with this and it will affect her life for the rest of her days, most likely.

It's taken a few hours to sink in and now I'm really feeling the pain and I have no connection to this family, for the most part. I wonder how they feel and I really don't want to go there as that's bad territory. All I can hope is this asshole gets his due, and you all know what I mean by that. Not death, I want this POS in jail, where he can be Bubba's little friend.

I don't know what else to say, or even if I should be saying more or less. I'm heartbroken for this young woman and the one thing I can say about that is TV helped me learn that with L&O:SVU. I never really knew how bad sex crimes were until that show came along and at the very least, that show has taught me many things.

It never taught me how to deal with this crap, even if it isn't someone I know. That girl is hurting, and most probably will for years to come. That's the messed up thing about L&O:SVU that I've learned, the victims are all still living and that is, in many cases, worse than death.

a reply to: TheSpanishArcher

report to the police, DCF, etc. ?

it could be tough to prove, perhaps audio record him talking about it so he incriminates himself?

Very, very sad circumstances. If you know about it and have the power to do something definitely do!

a reply to: FamCore

I know nothing, just one family member told me. They do have a apb out on the guy and this is already in official channels. There is nothing I can do. Just wanted to vent about crappy crap in this life we all deal with.

I do wish there was something I could do but what? I'm just a bystander.

Yeah, that is a bad set of circumstances, and sadly it is quite common.
This may sound insensitive, but ATS isn't the right place to discuss this kind of thing.
You sound like you are really upset about it.
I would submit that if you are still feeling really bad, and down about this situation in a few days that you consider seeing a counsellor, or something along those lines.
It's perfectly natural to feel that kind of 'shock' at hearing news like this, which is much closer to you because you know that it is affecting the co-worker directly.

Suggest the kid get some counseling. While I'm normally not for quacks, sometimes, it helps to have someone outside the family and the situation to talk to.

a reply to: TheSpanishArcher


A word of caution about rape that may help ease your emotional pain over this issue since it is more technical than being the nitty-gritty, actual situation. There is forced rape which is 100 per cent bad. Then there is rape via the legal term. I won't offer an opinion on this particular case, but an awful lot of legally prosecuted rapes are affairs between two individuals--I did not say "adults," that punish both parties.

With young people getting into sex at an ever increasing earlier age, the old standards are becoming outdated. The terms of virgin, "save it for marriage," a dowry, family honor, the former social custom, and THE LAW SAYS, are being pushed aside for individual reasons as simple as "if it feels good, do it."

The greatest joke I find in this whole business of non-aggressive rape is when a woman "rapes" an underage boy and is prosecuted. Rarely would that be the exact nature of the situation. --Does the boy go to the authorities or did someone else report the relationship? it works in exactly the same way for many legally underage females also. At that age today, they all know what they want. --But I must reiterate one of my first points forced sex is 100 per cent wrong.

a reply to: Iamnotadoctor

Not to be rude, but how should I react? I'm almost certain that I don't need a counselor, this young woman does.

I think my response is perfectly adequate. He should be in jail, where he can get raped repeatedly, and I hurt for this little girl. End of story and no need for therapy on my end.

originally posted by: TheSpanishArcher
a reply to: Iamnotadoctor

Not to be rude, but how should I react? I'm almost certain that I don't need a counselor, this young woman does.

I think my response is perfectly adequate. He should be in jail, where he can get raped repeatedly, and I hurt for this little girl. End of story and no need for therapy on my end.

Well, since you asked...
I think from your original post, that you are reacting more than is necessary.
It's fine to feel outrage, disgust, sadness that these things happen, but it seems like you are wasting a lot of emotional energy on this.
You already stated that you have no connection to this family, so there is simply nothing you can do.
I totally agree that adults having sex with minors is a crime, but I think you need to get a grip on how much energy you are willing to spend on mentally battling this set of circumstances.
It's just a suggestion.
Have a think about it.

a reply to: Aliensun

The guy I know ain't one to play games, and all I have is his word, so that's what I'm going on. If the dad/stepdad is on the run, that should say most of it but there could be some other crap a going on. I doubt it as he's not some high security risk or whatever - the alleged perp, a public person, so why would my co-worker lie to me about this? Seriously, when I saw him today he was in the family sit down mode and I have met his father, even worked for dad briefly, and he's also not full of it.

a reply to: Iamnotadoctor

I totally think I should be pissed off. You disagree. So we agree to disagree, eh?

a reply to: TheSpanishArcher
I hope she can overcome what has happened to her. It's despicable.

originally posted by: TheSpanishArcher
a reply to: Iamnotadoctor

I totally think I should be pissed off. You disagree. So we agree to disagree, eh?

I never said you shouldn't be pissed off.
I just wonder what it was that you were hoping to gain by making a thread about this situation on here.
It seems like any suggestion that isn't reinforcing your view/attitude will be refuted. Correct?

a reply to: Iamnotadoctor

Sorry for venting some rage and disturbing your day.

My view,attitude? Diddling kids is bad, mmkay?

a reply to: TheSpanishArcher
Ok.
Continue ruminating on things you cannot change.

a reply to: Iamnotadoctor

ATS is built on people bitching about things they cannot change yet you want to call me out for bitching about a guy who diddles children?

Sorry, I ain't buying. if ever there was something to whinge and bitch about, this is it.

a reply to: TheSpanishArcher

This happened to my fiance when she was also 15. Without too many details, she finally went to the police and they did f#ck all.

Then, the rapists family had a vendetta against her because she went to the police, wife included! You can't make this # up...

Reading grown man arguing about a girl being raped is even more disturbing

If you want to know what she wants here it goes:

No prison the girl will be picturing him sitting there day and night terrified he will get out two fantasising even more about her f*** creepy

What she want is someone to go and f him up so hard he will never walk again and say it was for her honour

Good day night disturbed world not u OP not judging

a reply to: Wide-Eyes

I do hope this can end up as well as can be expected. It's one of the few times I actually support the cops and what they are doing. Seriously, L&O:SVU has taught me a lot about this - one of the few times tele has got it right.

a reply to: TheSpanishArcher

Personally, I feel any feelings you have are plenty justified. I find rape to be one of the worst things in this world, I believe the death sentence is very appropriate for someone that will rape a minor. I do feel you'd need to be sure behind a shadow of a doubt it was not mutual, and know what happened, but beyond that, yeah, it angers me as well.

a reply to: upendrun

Reading grown man arguing about a girl being raped is even more disturbing

Why is that so disturbing? My loathing of a individual that has, allegedly I might add, raped a young woman so hurtful to you?