Some honest advice for any members that have small children and feel they are too busy...

Yes yes I know. You here this all the time but I will say this again.

It does not matter what is going on, or what you think is important you have always got time to just sit down and watch crap TV and let your kids crawl over you. Just stop and let them do it for a while every day.

Your life is not that important, let the phone ring. Let the floor get messy and do not get upset that emails are going unanswered.

Sit on you sofa and watch Dora the explorer or whatever it may be, Peppa Pig? It does not matter but sit down and just chill with the little buggers because you have all the time in the world to sit down but they will only be little for a while.

A very short while in fact.

I know what your thinking....

Yeah in an ideal world I would but I have so much to do. You don't.

I sat at a friends house earlier today while his kids crawled all over me, I watched Crap kids TV and sang little songs and played like I was 2 years old and it was great. I did this whilst he was running about too busy to do what I did and I did the same with my own son.

I told him this and he said yeah.... but I am too busy...

So I spent time living and learning with his kids whilst he was too busy and I missed it with mine because....

They are little for a few years, screw busy and play with bricks and watch crappy TV with them, they love you regardless but it will be you that regrets it when they are all grown up...

a reply to: nonspecific

Too true!

Kids are just adults without experience, time is a precious commodity!

originally posted by: Treespeaker
a reply to: nonspecific

Too true!

Kids are just adults without experience, time is a precious commodity!

Adults will remind you that you have told them this before.

Kids will demand that you tell them something again.

a reply to: nonspecific

Well said. I know people who shoo their children from the room. Tell them to go play elsewhere. Don't spend time with them. Don't take them anywhere. It really, really upsets me. It's genuinely sad.

I don't know if it is to do with modern laziness, how the parents were treated by their parents or just selfishness. Probably all three in some cases.

In my home there are three of us. Me, the Mrs and a super advanced 3 year old (yeah I know everyone says that but she actually is) and another on the way. We play games, laugh, make fun of each other, talk about poos and farts, make a mess - pretty much all the time. This is not just good for the child it's good for us two too. Light relief, brings us closer, etc.

Very valuable thread.

I hope all the parents out there read this thread and take it in!

originally posted by: nonspecific
Yes yes I know. You here this all the time but I will say this again.

It does not matter what is going on, or what you think is important you have always got time to just sit down and watch crap TV and let your kids crawl over you. Just stop and let them do it for a while every day.

Your life is not that important, let the phone ring. Let the floor get messy and do not get upset that emails are going unanswered.

Sit on you sofa and watch Dora the explorer or whatever it may be, Peppa Pig? It does not matter but sit down and just chill with the little buggers because you have all the time in the world to sit down but they will only be little for a while.

A very short while in fact.

I know what your thinking....

Yeah in an ideal world I would but I have so much to do. You don't.

I sat at a friends house earlier today while his kids crawled all over me, I watched Crap kids TV and sang little songs and played like I was 2 years old and it was great. I did this whilst he was running about too busy to do what I did and I did the same with my own son.

I told him this and he said yeah.... but I am too busy...

So I spent time living and learning with his kids whilst he was too busy and I missed it with mine because....

They are little for a few years, screw busy and play with bricks and watch crappy TV with them, they love you regardless but it will be you that regrets it when they are all grown up...

I have a 2 year old. Nothing gets in the way of me spending time with him. NOTHING.

No one is ever on their death bed wishing they spent a few more hours at the office or answered a few extra emails. No one ever sits around reminiscing with a sly smile about the time you worked till 3am to get a presentation done for the 7am board meeting.

However, people will always tell you that they wish they spent more time with their parents, siblings, or children. You will never get that time back with your children or family. You also never know when your ticket will be punched or might lose someone.

originally posted by: Edumakated

originally posted by: nonspecific
Yes yes I know. You here this all the time but I will say this again.

It does not matter what is going on, or what you think is important you have always got time to just sit down and watch crap TV and let your kids crawl over you. Just stop and let them do it for a while every day.

Your life is not that important, let the phone ring. Let the floor get messy and do not get upset that emails are going unanswered.

Sit on you sofa and watch Dora the explorer or whatever it may be, Peppa Pig? It does not matter but sit down and just chill with the little buggers because you have all the time in the world to sit down but they will only be little for a while.

A very short while in fact.

I know what your thinking....

Yeah in an ideal world I would but I have so much to do. You don't.

I sat at a friends house earlier today while his kids crawled all over me, I watched Crap kids TV and sang little songs and played like I was 2 years old and it was great. I did this whilst he was running about too busy to do what I did and I did the same with my own son.

I told him this and he said yeah.... but I am too busy...

So I spent time living and learning with his kids whilst he was too busy and I missed it with mine because....

They are little for a few years, screw busy and play with bricks and watch crappy TV with them, they love you regardless but it will be you that regrets it when they are all grown up...

I have a 2 year old. Nothing gets in the way of me spending time with him. NOTHING.

No one is ever on their death bed wishing they spent a few more hours at the office or answered a few extra emails. No one ever sits around reminiscing with a sly smile about the time you worked till 3am to get a presentation done for the 7am board meeting.

However, people will always tell you that they wish they spent more time with their parents, siblings, or children. You will never get that time back with your children or family. You also never know when your ticket will be punched or might lose someone.

It's the kind of advice everyone ignores and the regrets.

a reply to: nonspecific
Dad? Is that you?

a reply to: nonspecific

Totally agreed.
The lame 'busy' line is bull# for most people in my opinion, just misplaced priorities and laziness.
I worked damn hard bringing my son up to adulthood, walked him to school, read books to him every night, heck I still remember the words on the first pages for some, tree-climbing, football in the park, beach every day after school in the Summer, you name it I was involved...and it was fun!

He's played rugby for his town since the age of 6 and the majority of other parents treated training evenings and Sunday games as childcare, not interested in cheering them on. Lazy bastards, team of 15 on the pitch and only ever 5 or 6 parents watching.
It used to wind me right up...modern busy life?! really? # off, just lazy bastards with #ty priorities about what is important in life.

It breaks my heart these days now I see toddlers and little children with no more interaction and guidance from anyone other than the screen/tablet/device the lazy parent has stuck in front of their eyes.
I grieve for the next generation.

[/rant]

originally posted by: Skid Mark
a reply to: nonspecific
Dad? Is that you?

Yup, that is how the conversation ended sadly.

a reply to: nonspecific
I always loved the irony in the song. When I was reading your OP I thought of it.

a reply to: nonspecific

Amen to this! I have 2 kids, soon to be 2 & 4 years old respectively. There's already things I really miss with my little guy (like just holding him and rocking him to sleep.) Every once in awhile, he likes to reminisce on his "baby" things, like me rocking and singing to him, but it's short-lived. Don't get me wrong, there's new, "bigger kid" things coming on all the time that are every bit as precious - it helps remind me to remember that those years when they're 8, 14, 20, 30 years old, are still just as precious.

Projects around the house which used to take me a night now take 3 months sometimes - that's quite ok with me. Most of the time, the kids help. I might only get a fraction of the actual progress, but the time spent is well-spent, and they learn all kinds of things in the process. The realizations have also meant I've been spending more time with my parents when I can, and outwardly demonstrating more love and adoration, which tends to hide a bit as we get older.

So I strongly second your notions, and at the same time, would also urge everyone who still has living parents (and aunts, uncles, grandparents) to keep them in the right place in your priorities. That squeeky floorboard will still stop squeeking if you fix it next week.

a reply to: grainofsand

The very same.... (But much more femenine)... I took my daughter to majorettes last week and was surprised at parents leaving the kids there and buggering off. Needless to say those kids either acted up or cried because they missed mum!

In my experience, it's usually the people who actually DON'T have the time to play with their kids that go out of the way to play with their kids. Working graveyard 12 hour shifts i'd only have a couple hours to play with my kid, but I made damn sure I spent some time with my daughter when I wasn't at work. I've got a friend who's a stay at home dad, and his day usually consists of playing playstation, yelling at his kids to go play, playing playstation, making lunch, yelling at the kids to go play, and playing playstation. He spends all day with his kids but makes zero effort to engage them or spend time with them other than them watching him play games (They range from ages 2 to 6) and I see this sort of situation with a few other stay-at-home dads.

Even with people that have time, some people just weren't raised in a "hands on" approach to parenting. Not too long ago the man's role in family raising was to bring home a paycheck and dole out punishments, the actual interaction with the children was the mother's job. (My grandpa actually was surprised when he saw me holding my daughter as a newborn, saying he usually just left that stuff up to his wife). By modern standards, most of us grew up with uninvolved parents. If dad wanted to watch TV and have a beer in quiet after work he told you to go play outside, and you'd go wander around the neighborhood looking for other kids in similar circumstances and you'd group up and play. Nowadays the only socialization a kid gets is in the form of play-dates, and that involves a tremendous amount of involvement from parents (You have to deal with the other kids parents the whole time) So a parent who, growing up, didn't have much involvement with their parents raises their kid in a similar way, but because modern parenting has done away with the idea of kids wondering around by themselves kids with uninvolved parents end up morosely wandering around the fenced-in backyard by themselves, watching tv, or trying to entertain themselves with what toys they have on hand.

I wonder if the lack of social skills that has brought about the "medicated child" culture is in some way a result of kids not socializing with other kids much until they're stuck in a classroom with 20+ other children who also don't know how to relate to other children.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: grainofsand

The very same.... (But much more femenine)... I took my daughter to majorettes last week and was surprised at parents leaving the kids there and buggering off. Needless to say those kids either acted up or cried because they missed mum!

Mums and dads "dropping them off" at something....

Why have them if you don't want them eh?

Sad oversized idiots stabbing chubby fingers at out of date smartphones and yet their studious offspring ask for more.

That is the kind of comment that means it is time to say farewell I think.

originally posted by: dogstar23
So I strongly second your notions, and at the same time, would also urge everyone who still has living parents (and aunts, uncles, grandparents) to keep them in the right place in your priorities. That squeeky floorboard will still stop squeeking if you fix it next week.

I like that slant to the conversation, payback to the ones who raised us.
In the next few months I shall be building and installing a downstairs shower and toilet for my elderly mother because she is finding the stairs a challenge and wants to live a 'normal' life without a stair/chair lift.
I argued with an old friend at the weekend when he said I shouldn't be doing that and it is the job of the local authority social services department.
I told him that it was entitled council housed types like him who cost the nation a fortune because they devolve their family responsibility to the government.

I hear similar all the time, parents bleating "Oh the schools should be teaching X morality to our kids" or "The council should do something about it" etc...no, it is families which should be looking out for our own.
People don't seem to want to take responsibility these days though, always somebody else's job...and heaven forbid that parents put the hard work into actually looking after and enjoying caring for their children.
Shouldn't have had them if it's too difficult for you to do the job properly.

a reply to: nonspecific

I agree with you. I used to have really bad ocd about the cleanliness of my house and it was taking over my life and making me so uptight, I would freak out over spilled milk. I finally realized that my son will only be little once. He's ten now and is just so fun! He seriously has mad drawing skills and made up his own little comic for his school mates to read. It's awesome
I let him watch what he wants on the tv and we compromise on what to watch sometimes becasue seriously I can't handle some of the shows he watches!! Haha

I let him build his Legos in the living room casue I enjoy his company. He has a playroom but he would rather be out here with me and his dad which is fine by me.

Oh and just a side note cause I just think it's hilarious.. He is growing his hair out into a mullet. I cut it the other day so it's buisness in the front and party in the back haha he marches to his own tune and I just love it! I cherish every moment and I'm glad I'm able to do so. Much peace to you !!

a reply to: nonspecific

my 2 boys are 25 and 18. The days of them sitting in my lap are so far gone that i only have a couple of those memories left. My wife and I are ready for grand children now (my God, that is strange to actually say). The problem: my oldest son is gay, so won't be straying into that world any time soon (although he talks about adopting all the time, which sends my heart to the stars when I hear it). The youngest is a chronic screw up (he's 18, like i said) and lord knows when he will come out of that phase.

The upshot: my youngest sister is 13 years my junior. So her son (who's just under 2) gets to help fill that void for the wife and I. My wife, in fact, is his "best friend". She loves playing with him, plays what ever games he wants by his rules. He just LOVES her.

Good thread, brother. This is one of the good parts of living this human existence.