Smacking Children (Revisited)

a reply to: Morrad

Good comment ? Always thought about it ... Or did I

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Proverbs 13:24

a reply to: Morrad
I never used physical punishment with my son, not once, I always spoke calmly with him to explain why X action was not the best.

He is a kind and considerate strong and hard as # young adult who plays competitive rugby for our town every Saturday now...I'm glad I taught him to be kind because I wouldn't want him to use violence to punish me if I # up these days.

Eh I spanked my kids. Lucky I don't have to anymore, cause they figured out that there are real consequenses to bad behaviors.

Even my oldest, who is Autistic, got spanked.
He was non verbal when I first got primary custody of him, when I and his mother were divorced. She was the "expert" read all the books on autism, how to raise a kid yadda yadda yadda she was opposed to spanking, and since she was the "expert" I "bowed to her superior knowledge".
Once I realized he knew what "No" meant, his days of being 5 years old and in diapers, trashing his room when he would have meltdowns and in general acting like a feral animal, like his mother allowed him to, came to a screeching halt in less than 2 months once the spanking started.
Now he can form better sentences, read and write, knows how to shower, brush his teeth, make himself something to eat etc.
His language skills are still not the best and he sometimes wears mismatched socks, but at least he is not destroying the house during meltdowns. He is 14 now and about 6' foot.
I am glad that I spanked him when he was young because a 5 year old is not near as destructive as a 6' foot man when having meltdowns.

My Youngest son my stepson was an absolute terror in school, was expelled 3 times before the 3rd grade, and suspended at least 12
times. He was diagnosed with ADHD and taking medication. his mother and father did the whole "no spanking thing" when she moved into my home with her son, spanking became his new reality, and the ADHD medication went the way of the dodo.

He moved in at 6 it took about 2 years for him to realize that there are consequences, and that there will never be a time when I am not consistent with correction. His grades have improved dramatically, and his behavior is 1000% better. He literally went from ALL "F's" to his lowest grade being a C. This "C" is something that he knows will not stand on his next report card, not because I had to spank him, but because he wants to please me and his mother, now.

This is something that was totally absent before the corrections started. He knows we love him and want him to succeed, and not get expelled for biting a teacher. He has learned that the best way for a child to show a parent that you love them is not to say "I love you" but rather to show them yo respect them, and their values.

ketsuko shared similar experiences where she used it as a last resort with a positive outcome. I have never been in the situation where alternative punishments have failed so have never dealt with it.

originally posted by: Morrad
ketsuko shared similar experiences where she used it as a last resort with a positive outcome. I have never been in the situation where alternative punishments have failed so have never dealt with it.

Well in my case, it was not a "last resort".
For my oldest it was because, saying No carried no weight, he was 5 and his mother would never really correct his behavior.
For my youngest, based on his history, behavior and attitude, it was more or less done to completely and drastically change his worldview and were he saw himself in it as a child. He needed to understand in no uncertain terms that he was not in fact the boss of anything on any level. As his behavior improved, he given fewer spankings and was given more privileges, but with those privileges he was given more responsibility to go with them.
In short it is the old "the more childish you act the more you will be treated as a child " thing.

I'm all for smacking the crap out of children. It worked on me and my generation.

We're disciplined now because Mom and Dad cuffed us upside the head whenever we needed it.

It's not child abuse. It's raising a kid who understands that the consequence for negative behavior will be pain, which is a GREAT MOTIVATOR to behave properly.

Centuries of disciplined children (before the recent two or so generations) can't be wrong.

I think that part of the problem is this idea that children are inherently sweet, kind and innocent.
The reality is that Children are by nature Selfish, Cruel, and Dishonest. I know some will say, well that's why it is important to teach them, but apparently they know right from wrong at 6 months.
phys.org...

I think instead of "teaching" our toddlers we are supposed to "train" them.
It is a subtle but important difference.

When you train someone or something you are getting them to act against their inherent nature.
(In the case of people the proclivity to do bad)

Once you can get them trained to sit still, and pay attention, you can then move on to the teaching phase and explain why the behavior that they have just been trained to do, is a good and productive thing.

a reply to: Punisher75
You sound like a b@stard

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: Punisher75
You sound like a b@stard

Maybe so but my children's grades and behavior have improved.
To be clear, I am not worried about them liking me, I am not so selfish as that, I worry about how well they will function in society when they are on their own. Lucky for me they still do.
On the upside, I now have confidence that the youngest will be okay when me and his mother die. My oldest will always need someone to take care of him on some level.

a reply to: Punisher75

Now imagine a time where the state gets to dictate how your children are raised.

Really, how you raise your children is your business and no one else's. Agree or disagree, they aren't living your life and they aren't in your home.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Punisher75

Now imagine a time where the state gets to dictate how your children are raised.

Really, how you raise your children is your business and no one else's. Agree or disagree, they aren't living your life and they aren't in your home.

I shudder to think how that would work out. If it were up to the state my step son would still be eating meds for his ADHD and already be placed in a "special classroom."

a reply to: Punisher75

What's frightening is that there are some who think that children should uniformly be raised.

That there is only one way to teach, one way to discipline, one way to punish.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Punisher75

What's frightening is that there are some who think that children should uniformly be raised.

That there is only one way to teach, one way to discipline, one way to punish.

I am in total agreement there, for certain. When I was a kid I definitely needed a different type of correction than my older brother when things would pop up. We both got spanked/grounded/being made to write sentences, and so on. However when and for what reason was not always uniform.

a reply to: Punisher75

Isn't it odd, that in this day and age we almost have to justify the discipline we give our children, when in fact, it's nobodies business.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: Punisher75
You sound like a b@stard

Hell no! He's a hero to me.

originally posted by: Restricted

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: Punisher75
You sound like a b@stard

Hell no! He's a hero to me.

LOL Thanks.
My ex wife tired to pull the whole "he spanks the boy" thing in court. My lawyer freaked out when I stood up and looked at her and said something to the tune of "Well yea I spank him, why wouldn't I?" LOL

I will not apologize for how I raise my children, to anyone.

originally posted by: Punisher75

originally posted by: Restricted

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: Punisher75
You sound like a b@stard

Hell no! He's a hero to me.

LOL Thanks.

My ex wife tired to pull the whole "he spanks the boy" thing in court. My lawyer freaked out when I stood up and looked at her and said something to the tune of "Well yea I spank him, why wouldn't I?" LOL

I will not apologize for how I raise my children, to anyone.

A-frapping-men!

a reply to: Restricted

You know what is really nice?
I don't have to raise my voice, threaten, or repeat myself a million times to get them to go clean their room, do their dishes, take out the dog, pick up their toys, do their homework or go to bed.

If by chance I do raise my voice I no longer have to follow through with a spanking, because I know that the reason they did not do it is because they simply did not hear me.

It makes for a much more peaceful and stress free household.We can enjoy one anothers company without the worry of someone taking something to far, that will result in a spanking. (horseplay among the boys or not wanting to share their ps4)

a reply to: Punisher75

Discipline is not a trait inherent in humans.

It has to be taught.