A brief true story of something I never shared

I'm posting this before bed but I'll check back in and answer/comment on things in the morning when I wake up...

Thank You NightStar for the thread of Honoring our lost Loved 1s.. It made me wanna write my experience so it may help others going through what I am going through now..

3 years Ago I tried to kill myself. Not in a way that usually doesn't work either.... I had recently had a baby daughter and was speeding on the freeway to get home after working down in San Jose Ca all weekend.
I had been drinking and it was raining and I obviously shouldn't have been behind the wheel. A lady and her husband merged into my lane when I was doing about 70mph on the freeway and I smashed into them. I didn't kill them but I thought I did and everything just spun outta control in my mind in an instant.
I was on a VERY VERY tall (35foot) overpass on an extremely busy freeway when this happened and I had a MAJOR Concussion from the accident so I wasn't thinking clearly at all. I should have ran over and tried to help the people I hit or at least try to pay for the damages.
Unfortunately my mind thought only 1 thing, I just killed somebody and I'll never hold my newborn daughter again... So I ran and jumped off the bridge into fast moving traffic 35feet below.... I should be dead, there's no way I should have survived that fall and as it turns out a guy commited suicide a month earlier in that very same spot I jumped from..
In the middle of falling I felt hands on my shoulders but not in a bad way... It felt like someone was hugging me to be honest and I felt my decent slow down a lil before hitting the freeway below.... For a few years I could never understand why anything would try to preserve my life at that moment.

Well I became conscious in a jail cell the next day. According the other inmates I had been awake the whole time but just didn't remember anything after the fall.

Anyways after I was released From jail I paid all the court fines and restitution to the people I Injured. I did AA religiously (2times a day for 2years and gave up drinking).

It always bothered me that I felt myself slow down before hitting the pavement but I could never make sense of it. Until I came to the conclusion it wasn't my time, God (or whatever you prefer) didn't want my daughter growing up parent less. My Fiancé (mother of my daughter) passed away last year and if I would have died that night there would be nobody left for my daughter now...

I made right with the people I hurt, I did my time/rehabilitation and I've really tried to make a positive impact in people's lives around me since then...

I can't explain what saved my life or really genuinely say that I'm alive today because God had a plan. But looking back on everything, that's the only way I can explain it and make any sense out of it... That was my darkest day and something was looking out for me....

Some days since my fiancé passed away I cant stop crying.. I swear it takes everything I have to smile when my daughter looks my way. I miss her mom more than I explain, but something saved me that night and I'm here for a purpose I'm pretty sure. I've never been religious but the past 3years have changed my view on if there is help from beyond what we see/understand....
If anybody is struggling to smile these days, you're not alone. There's something greater out there keeping a plan in motion for us all.... It's 3:21 am on Xmas eve and I can't stop crying because I miss some1 beyond belief, so I figured I'd share something that keeps me able to function.

Hopefully my story will help some1 through a dark day... I Wish Peace And Love To Us All

Thanks for sharing your story ... im truly moved
I dont know what else to say

Thank you

a reply to: NewsWorthy

What an amazing story Newsworthy!

You are wise to keep in mind that you have a purpose. Your story is one of the best I have ever heard that reinforces the truth that we all have a purpose. For you there was literally no way for you to get out of it.

I am so sorry about the hard times that have befallen you and your family. I can not imagine how difficult it is for you having now lost your fiance. Never forget that you are not alone. The same force that helped slow your fall is the same force that will help you and your daughter through all of this. Do not think for a moment that your fiance is not with you both as well.

My belief is that we are divine beings that came into this earthly realm to learn and grow.

Merry Christmas to you and your family! Thank you for sharing this touching story!

Sad story, I mean really sad. The only words of advice I can give you is if do end up doing something bad to yourself it will be worse than you can imagine to everyone around you family friends and loved ones. The even worse part in taking your own life is its the worst sin you can ever commit on this plane, so bad that you get to come back and do it over again and again until you get it right.

Never take your own life, or others for that matter because its the ultimate selfish act and speaks volumes for your lack of knowledge and awareness of self.

a reply to: NewsWorthy

you are not alone
if you feel lonely come here be here with us
I know it doesn't take the pain away but you are not lonely we are here

there is nothing more beautiful then people like yourself despite their hardship offer themselves to help like you just did by sharing your story it is very honourable

God has a plan for your life, I believe that.

Thank you for sharing your story. Don't be afraid to pray. Forget religion, but do seek a personal connection to God. Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you. You are loved and you are not alone.

Enjoy your precious daughter. Thank you again for sharing something so personal. What a beautiful and moving story you have...

Peace love a very merry christmas and a happy new year to you and your daughter

a reply to: macpdm

thanks for sharing your very personal story with us....(((((hugs))))) for you and your daughter! you are not alone,we are your friends here!

I'm glad someone was looking out for you.

I always appreciate it when someone shares their experiences like this because I believe that it may save someone else from making the same mistake.

I too was tempted to commit suicide by hanging myself many years ago.

If I had known then what I do now about the ramifications of suicide, I don't believe I would have ever given it any serious thought.

Your experience reminded me of Angie Fenimore's suicide.

When she committed suicide in 1991, she was shown that her children and family would be gravely harmed by the pain and that the effects would be severe and permanent.

"Then I heard a voice of awesome power, not loud but crashing over me like a booming wave of sound; a voice that encompassed such ferocious anger that with one word it could destroy the universe, and that also encompassed such potent and unwavering love that, like the sun, it could coax life from the earth. I cowered at its force and at its excruciating words:

"Is this what you really want? Don't you know that this is the worst thing you could have done?"

I could feel his anger and frustration, both because I'd thrown in the towel and because I had cut myself off from him and from his guidance.

So I answered: "But my life is so hard."

"You think that was hard? It is nothing compared to what awaits you if you take your life."

When the Father spoke, each of his words exploded into a complex of meanings, like fireworks, tiny balls of light that erupted into a billion bits of information, filling me with streams of vivid truth and pure understanding." Angie Fenimores NDE & Suicide

But now I saw that by ending my life, I was destroying the web of connections of people on earth, possibly drastically altering the lives of millions, for all of us are inseparably linked, and the negative impact of one decision has the capacity to be felt throughout the world.

My children, certainly, would be gravely harmed by my suicide. I was given a glimpse of their future, not the events of their lives but rather energy, and the character that their lives would have. By abandoning my earthly responsibilities, I would influence my children, my oldest son in particular, to make choices that would lead him away from his divine purpose. Before Alex was born, I was told, he had agreed to perform specific tasks during his life on earth. His duty was not revealed to me, but I felt the energy that his life would have up until his young adult years.

I was told that my children were great and powerful spirits and that up to this point in my life, I had not deserved them. I caught a glimpse of how deeply God loves my boys, and how, with my callous disregard for their welfare, I was tampering with the sacred will of God. Tell her that if she decides to go through with the taking of her life, there are eternal consequences that she will have to deal with for the rest of her eternal life. The PAIN that she will cause her daughter and immediate family members will be severe and permanent!

Angie Fenimore - NDE

a reply to: NewsWorthy

That story sound as if it is straight from your heart. Judging from behind my desk it is a good heart. A heart worth saving maybe..?

I can only say that I hope for you that your tears will give you some relief. Go to God when you need to fill that empy space for a moment.

May I give you a hug?

May I pray for you?
Please hang on, please embrace life.
There is a tale in your life that needs to be told.
WIS

I can only imagine the despair you must have felt the day of the wreck. What an inspiring and courageous story..
As others said, you are never alone, we are here for you. I'm so sorry you are grieving, please take comfort in the fact that someone DID watch out for you and saved you that night. I know it is hard when you just want the pain to stop, but maybe someday soon you will begin to remember the love more than the grief.
Hugs to you! Wishing you a beautiful Christmas with your darling daughter

a reply to: NewsWorthy

Your story is heartwrenching. Thankfully you came through and your daughter has you.

I was on my way to my sister's wedding 4 days before christmas 1973. I missed the church as it was set far back on a property. I was circling back via another street to find the church. I came to an intersection with no stop signs. There was a car a block away as I entered the intersection and he managed to hit me broadside and send me to a someone's yard.
As I was being hit, I had the greatest calm come over me as I thought "So this is the way I die". Have never feared death again. The young man who hit me turned out to have a brain tumor which was diagnosed post wreck because he had hit his head.

These experiences are profound and yesssss, there is a sense of someone/something being with you. And for me it was...why the peace? I trust this peace will come when it is time for me.

So sad for your sorry. Keep the focus on your daughter. Is she the reason you are still here. Through yourself into her this season.

All my best wishes for you and I will hold you in my thoughts.

L&L

Something has a plan for you...

a reply to: NewsWorthy

Thank you for sharing your truly moving personal story. Everything really does happen for a reason, it's just hard to see or understand why at the time sometimes.

Sorry for the loss you of your fiancé, can not even imagine the pain of loss that you experienced.

We are all humans and we make terrible mistakes and terrible decisions. You've paid your debt and it's awesome to hear that you've turned your life around and are around for your daughter.

I don't have much to add right now, besides, as a girl with no good father, but a good grandfather insead that I lost, it is soooo important that your daughter has you! I am so glad you are here for her.

a reply to: NewsWorthy

I cannot believe I missed this thread! Thank you jacygirl for bringing this to my attention!

NewsWorthy, Your story was so heart wrenching yet profound and inspiring at the same time. I know that your fiancé is in a beautiful and peaceful place. I know that she loves you and your precious daughter and would want you both to have a beautiful journey together here with much to explore and experience as your daughter grows up. I know that to your daughter, you will be her rock, her confidante, her hero. You have much to share...love and laughter and yes, even tears when things get rough, but together you will weather any storm.

I have lost many loved ones in my time and I know that dark place and deep sorrow that can haunt your waking hours. I am with the others here who say you are not alone. I wish you much love, strength and courage when needed. HUGS! And...thank you for sharing this profound and inspiring story with us. I think an Angel saved you that day. It was not your time to go.

I am with the others who have said that you are not alone.

to the car accident:
my mums partner rolled someone in car they saw them bleeding from they head looking in the the back mirror .. he never stopped .. he feels guilty he would feel guilty regardless of all .. I never commented when he told me I wouldn't know what to say .. I have absolutely no judgment .. I was also in a terrible accident and I never ended up blaming the drive because I know they didn't do it on purpose ..

to the suicidal thoughts:
it's crazy that you don't see it coming when people want to commit suicide .. scary thought is you can know them so well .. so you think .. you don't see through they walls or hurting eyes ..

like someone else sad here if we just stay silent we may pick the voices calling out to us calling out to us to grab their hand..

I wanted to commit suicide twice after I was beaten and lost my 5week pregnancy second time rape I never picked up the pieces completely and very often little things drive me to self-destruct as a coping mechanism

I am saying this but i want lovely people here to skip this .. the truth is you will always find a sadder story then your own those are the stories that get me through because I always realise I should count my lucky stars that it's not so bad as it can be ..

to the never alone .. I have pocket full of jokes so I know there is no need for all this seriousness and I don't mean to sound disrespectful we all have sad sack stories .. that is why I want to say .. talk .. because there are people who offer simpathy love and compassion .. I never ever believed others can help .. but God was I given a slap of reality .. This forum is truly something (truly changed my life forever and I can't say thank you enough to people - STRANGERS - who have the capacity to care regardless.. truly special people)

I saw a man .. i drive past his window .. he lays on his bed he looks very sick in his home staring outside the window and he looks lonely and sad .. at night someone shuts the blinds and opens them up in the morning and that is his life ..
Somehow being in this forum makes me feel like I am alive part of all your life's I feel like when I talk here I am talking with friends and I have a beautiful time.. I wish this man could do the same I wish people like him had access to communities such as this it hurts my heart (one day I want to be rich gosh honest if I won a lottery I would invest it in all of you people because I know you would do great things for the world .. fingers crossed hey ) sheees ramble

but this is the story that stopped me slicing my wrist half way .. thanks god for Internet .. thanks god for helplines .. it saves lives .. btw pls no one comment I will just forget I wrote this makes me super vulnerable (I hope I have the guts to not feel stupid and deleting this ok here we go)

It Happened To Me: I'm Surviving The Suicide of my boyfriend of 11 years

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