You Can't Please Everyone All The Time

Despite your best efforts to stay friendly and supportive to everyone you come across, the idea that you can please everyone all the time is impossible. This philosophy extends to all walks of life - family, friendships, business relationships, customers and significant others. Even if you consider yourself a centrist of sorts, at least some of your beliefs or actions are bound to irritate or infuriate others. Even if you remain impartial or neutral to one group, another group might see it as contrary to their beliefs/ideals, which in turn would place you in the position of enemy or adversary.

Some might say that like many other aspects of life, balance is the key to this dilemma. But how ought such a conundrum be balanced? Since you cannot please everyone all the time, should you try please most people all the time? Or try please most people some of the time? Or even try please most people most of the time? What is the most realistic approach in this context?

I know what you are thinking. The idea of pleasing others shouldn't be of concern in the first place. But then how do we get along? Many people like to think they do not seek external reinforcement to feel good. However, the truth is that the vast majority of people want to be liked and accepted by others. It's not only human nature to want such things, we know also that we reap more rewards from being accepted/liked by others than we do being outcasted/shunned by others.

I think I and many others experience these types of feelings even posting on a website such as this. We not only prefer to have the flags/stars accumulate, but more importantly want others to agree or at least relate to our views. Yes, we are "anonymous" to most other members and have the advantage of hiding behind a computer screen as opposed to stating our views out aloud in the street on a megaphone when expressing our views.

Still, there is a tendency to be cautious about what we post. I am not afraid to admit that I would prefer to be liked and respected by other members rather than be disliked/hated and disrespected by other members. I know there are members who dislike and do not respect me as a member (some, maybe not even as a person) but that is part and parcel of being human and interacting with other humans.

After all, you cannot please everyone all the time.

You left out intent. you need intent. its words otherwise.

no good stone is left unturned. only left waiting to be turned.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Actually, you are dealing with subtle forms of aggression from the other party and/or guilt/ego on your part. The interplay is part of the human species. Very difficult to separate the interactions as there is always the other person's view/interest that must be taken into account. Diplomacy is the key, I guess, but even it has to have an agenda from both sides.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

"Since you cannot please everyone all the time, should you try please most people all the time? Or try please most people some of the time? Or even try please most people most of the time? What is the most realistic approach in this context?"

Life is just wayyyyy too short to worry about what the next person thinks of you or your opinions. If you spend your days trying to bend to what the next person thinks of you, it's all just basically flushed to a cesspool of time wasted.

This is not, in anyway, to suggest that we should seek confrontation or incite conflict. That's just as much a waste of life as fretting yourself into a coma over what someone else thinks. It's just sustaining who you are, as an individual, in a world with billions of others who, just like you, are entirely unique individuals.

Live and let live... not live to please

a reply to: Dark Ghost

you sure can not do that. But who is stooping me if I would like to try? only my ego but other than that there is no one.

When you go about pleasing everyone, you must swallow than all the negative reactions you will get and take it nicely and in good manner, even though you only tried to help!
Because the reality is as you said already in OP, there will be someone who is disappointed or something even worse can happen with the best intentions...If you are not prepared for that, than you are pleasing your ego, because you expect that everyone will like what you are thinking.

Wise man learns from critique the most. What that means is that do not let good intentions go to waste, never!. Cultivate them as much as you can. But when you make a mess, even with good intentions that is the real test, how you accept the critique and do better next time!

Learning is the key word, never think that you know everything and that your good is good for everybody else. We are all the same under skin but different in the head.

Respect that and learn from the differences and mistakes!

If you can manage that, there is nothing to worry about and you will be or already are a wonderful person!

a reply to: Dark Ghost

When you own a service based business, you learn quickly that you cannot please everyone. But, if you want to stay in business, you must try until it hurts. Your employees count on a paycheck so you eat some crow with tons of Heinz 57 sauce and you go on to the next client.

But pleasing everyone is an uphill battle. An impossibility, so you please only those you can.

It seems there are some people who do somehow please everyone, but they suffer the terrible drawback of being a traitor to themselves. They get used, abused and walked on - and not always by people who intend or desire to do so! If you don't make your boundaries clear, people will cross them without even being aware they did.

I certainly will admit to the draw of wanting to have diplomatic and respectful relations with others.
I won't say "please them" because that has a slightly different implications. We are not always pleased with compromises, yet they can be more desirable than a win-lose conclusion.

I think I've come to the point of view, at this time anyway, that sometimes exchanges are win-win and sometimes they aren't,
Sometimes one or the other is very NOT pleased. -Despite all efforts or attempts at finding a compromise.

I think this is where things like being polite has some meaning for me now. Though it could be said, with a measure of validity) that being polite can sometimes be "fake". But I think without going into extremes of smiling and acting warmer than we need to, a certain self restraint and acceptation that not only I cannot please everyone else, but everyone else cannot always please me, helps?


But I cannot either claim to be of infinite patience and passivity either- I have my limits, they just don't seem to always be so evident right away to others.... I seem passive or apathetic, until they touch my boundaries, and I can react quite strongly. I think it surprises people sometimes.

Especially for people who see the world and others in a very polarized way- there are people who are passive and others that are active; there are those that lay down to be doormats and others that walk on them.
"In between" is a bit confusing for some?

With time, my friends describe me thus- (and I heard one tell a coworker this a couple of months ago)- "She is a really nice person, but don't underestimate her. She isn't stupid, and anyone who tries to take advantage of her regrets it."

That made me happy to hear, because, I guess, that is how I see myself, and it makes me feel that, for some humans in this world, at least, I have been able to manifest and express myself authentically and comprehensively!

-And if there is a few that perceive me, than that makes up for the many who don't!!!

a reply to: Dark Ghost

We not only prefer to have the flags/stars accumulate, but more importantly want others to agree or at least relate to our views.

I DO like it when one can relate to something I post.
As you can tell from my rankings I do not receive accolades but post what I believe, feel, my opinions. Things that PLEASE me...LOL

Yes, we are "anonymous" to most other members and have the advantage of hiding behind a computer screen as opposed to stating our views out aloud in the street on a megaphone when expressing our views.

I have some friends on here, we don't advertise that friendship. They could however tell you that who I am on "here" is who I am out "there"...

Still, there is a tendency to be cautious about what we post. I am not afraid to admit that I would prefer to be liked and respected by other members rather than be disliked/hated and disrespected by other members.

I am cautious at times of what I post because I don't see a reason to come across as mean or just out to hurt someone's feelings. I believe we must be tolerant of our differences. Most of the time. As long as people aren't hurt personally by your lifestyle, views, etc.

I don't believe many people like me here and that's okay too. There are some that I don't particularly care for either and can imagine if we knew each other personally (in real life) it would be the same. We don't have to all like each other but it certainly is refreshing if we can be at least respectful and not hurtful (on purpose).

My supervisor is a wonderful being (most of the time) however she takes pleasure ( I think) in raking me over the coals sometimes for the most ridiculous little things. For example: She needs a report by 3 pm. I email it at 2:45 pm. Sounds good right? Nope. I should have gotten it to her sooner. Oh, and she doesn't prefer that particular font...Which one do you prefer? Anything but that one she says...Okay, this one? Nope. This one? Nope. Okay I will do better...
Oh well, I just figure there are some folks who will NEVER be pleased. So, I carry on and I know this is how it is so...

Please yourself when you can't please everyone all the time.