Poking my head back in.

Hola, urrahbuddy!

I have decided to return after taking a break for a while. I had to leave because the content and posts became too personal and hurtful to me. I came back to see if the bigotry, transphobia, and general cruelty and personal attacks have subsided a bit. So far, I haven't seen good signs. *Snip*

I'm also hoping that my decision to poke my head back in isn't a mistake. I have done a lot of healing in the past couple months and I am in a great place so I imagine I can approach this site with love and understanding like I used to before becoming so freakin' jaded.

In any case, I know that moderation can never be fully universal or fair and I suspect there is still a lot of leeway when it comes to abusive language and name calling towards certain demographics. I can accept that for now. I still have a little faith in the leadership of ATS and believe things will improve.

In short, howdy.

Hello and welcome back!

Hey! I've actually been avoiding ATS for a while now too, for the same reasons.

But there are many good people here, so I always end up coming back, at least to check the recent threads. I'm glad you're here as well!

a reply to: Abysha

I have seen you around and I like your screen name, Abysha.

Now I have no idea why you made it, but it's interesting to me and feels like this mix between Abyss and Sha.
I wrote some threads about the Abyss (and me descending into it) and then I came out with a thread about the Sha, not a coincidence. It looks crazy at first but I could go through it piece by piece and explain all of my reasoning in plain English and make sense out of it (I apologize for not doing that when I wrote these weirdo threads).

I also found it neat that your quote is from "Inanna" for a few thousand reasons. She is really forceful which is totally OK with me. I open the gate happily.

Now about your year old thread's topic:
I was also gone from ATS for awhile but it wasn't for the same reasons you were.
I was gone because of everything going really badly in my life and suffering complete heartbreak and devastation and I admit I was also very upset with ATS in general for what at the time I saw was abandonment.

I'll explain, when I was 6months old I was abandoned by my parents, discovered a day or two later, then later adopted. So I always felt abandoned since the start. Then I felt abandoned at every step in my life, by family friends everything, even God. I felt my wife abandoned me (which she did and has for good), I felt like ATS abandoned me, the entire Earth.

In the absence of everyone, I still believed someone would come to my aid, to comfort me in my desolation and devastation, but no human did. I saw enough weird stuff happen around me, I escaped some really messed up situations barely as if magic saved me, and I realized I still had 1 friend left - God.

My invisible friend didn't abandon me, and I definitely didn't abandon me. So I've got me still.

Wanna know what I think?
I don't give a damn what ATS or anyone thinks about me.
I'll always be me and that's it. I like me. I don't care if no one else does.
I know I'm nice and I listen and help. I want to stay that way.

Yeah it hurts to lose everything, everyone, and find myself lost in an alien world.
But I'm a great person, my best days are ahead, I will accept my losses. I got a lot of them...

I'm not going to let all of this tragedy kill the me I am and always enjoyed being.
I almost lost me so many nights drowning in sorrow, choking on anger.
But I just couldn't let go of who I am, it's all I have left.

I used to be a caterpillar I guess... losing everything was my cocoon, my metamorphosis into something better.

I just had to understand that I was relying on others opinions too much. I was caring about what people thought about me and if they liked me. I was weak and begging for a crash.

Now I know the Truth. All that matters is what I think about me.
Sure it's nice if others like me but if I'm True to myself that's all that counts in the end.
I can't lose "Me". I don't wanna be a dead heartless zombie.

I'm gonna kick everyone's butts, lol.
It's gonna be fun, and everyone will like it.