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I think I found I crazy.

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posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 08:32 PM
I want to apologize in advance if this post comes off as rambly or ranty...

I don't really know why I'm writing this, perhaps anonymity gives me the confidence I need to express myself.

If you go back and look at my posting history it will quickly become evident that I have always had a problem with religion, and for the last 5 years I have been an atheist. I have constantly struggled my entire adult life with the concepts of God, truth, and morality. But over the last year or so I have had multiple epiphanies which have had great impact on my life.

The first of these was my rediscovery of anarchism. I entertained the notion of a world without government in my late teens when I thought the aliens were manipulating world events from the dark side of the moon, but when I discovered skepticism I started to reject these previous theories of mine based on evidence people presented me (thanks ATS!) But despite my skepticism of conspiratorial forces controlling the government, I came to realize over time that no supreme evil force needed to be afoot to explain the wickedness of those in power. The inherently violent nature of human beings is what drives wickedness, and most human beings not only accept that violence is necessary, but just. This idea of violence being used as anything other than to prevent violence is like a cancer that has infected almost every aspect of our culture. Do not follow the commands of your parents? Prepare for a spanking. Do not follow the commands of your husband. Prepare for a beating. Do not follow the commands of the state? Prepare to be either stolen from, kidnapped, or murdered. Do not obey the law of God? Prepare for eternal suffering. This disease is so evasive that even those who would oppose it use it as a means to an end, whether it be the NAACP, LGBT activists, the protestors in Ferguson and New York, they would use the state or their own fists to enforce their morality on the populace; principles and virtue be damned.

After realizing the pervasive nature of violence and its effects on society I came to the realization that self governance is the only way to be morally grounded.

My second epiphany came not terribly long after the first , and that was vegetarianism. My reasons for this are similar to my position on violence and the suffering it causes. I don't want to preach to heavily about this point, because I understand that while humans are animals, the moral consideration given to them should not be the same as humans. Animals do not have responsibility, nor do they have respect for other animals. That being said, this does not mean they should be killed to satisfy our pleasure. Outside of the third world, and perhaps a minority of people who need animal protein to live, there is no reason to eat animals. I do not advocate for strict veganism as I believe humans and animals can mutually benefit from each other.

Now for the big one...the one that inspired this thread. I'm going to be candid here so I'm sorry if there is a tad TMI but I think its important. I have struggled for years with searing anger, as well as drug and porn addiction. My sexual frustration has always been a problem that I have denied, because when you are not with someone in a relationship it is extremely easy to hide your desires from peering eyes (especially with the internet). After a whole day of angrily condemning people for their immorality it dawned on me that despite all I have done to better myself, I was still a moral failure. On one hand I condemn the bigots who support violence, but on the other I browsed pictures and videos of women I know deep down have been violated emotionally and physically. I condemn the lazy for not doing enough to support themselves or their families, yet at the same time I'm almost late every day for work because I was up all night doing drugs.

I am a liar...a hypocrite. And at the moment I realized this I was compelled to appeal to God. I did this despite all my past knowledge, despite all the arguments I have heard that would prove my plea futile, and what did I get from it...comfort, immediate comfort. After this event occurred I could not wrap my head around it. Was I just overcome with grief and my mind did everything necessary to alleviate my pain by creating a delusion? Or was what I experienced real?

I do not feel the same, not by a long shot. Its quite literally a once I was blind now I can see type of feeling. It lingers within me even as I type this...a subtle yet unavoidable warmth that eases the suffering my carnal desires evoke. I'm still struggling but it has become unquestionably easier.

Has anyone here had a similar experience? If so where did it lead you, and what do you think it is?

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 09:10 PM
a reply to: Openeye
I was going to take on several points separately, but decided to keep it to a minimum.

Morality is a social construct. Nothing more. Nothing less. And some social constructs need to be challenged when they become antiquated or oppressive.

The experience you describe once you "appealed to god" is similar to my experience, once I realized god does not exist. In other words, the day I became an atheist after decades of being a Christian.

I do not feel the same, not by a long shot. Its quite literally a once I was blind now I can see type of feeling. It lingers within me even as I type this...a subtle yet unavoidable warmth that eases the suffering my carnal desires evoke. I'm still struggling but it has become unquestionably easier.

edit on 12/11/2014 by Klassified because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 09:13 PM
a reply to: Openeye

and what did I get from it…comfort, immediate comfort.

How did that convince you it was "God"? Is there something you aren't telling that also happened at the same time?

How does one distinguish between God comfort and comfort from delusion or the feeling from drugs?

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 09:15 PM
You've just taken a leap of Faith...and, initially, you now feel uplifted.
I suggest you just go with this new feeling...not question or second guess it, but let it carry you...and see how far it can take you.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"(Heb.11:1).

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 09:25 PM
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 09:29 PM
a reply to: Openeye

Im glad you came to the realization that God does indeed exist. Now, the question you should be asking God is,"Who are you, and what do you want with me?".

You acknowledge that you are morally corrupt, as we all are on varying my lingo, its called being a sinner.

All I can tell you is what God revealed to me: Believe that His only begotten Son (Jesus Christ) died for our sins, and you will have everlasting life.

You should ask God about that too.

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 09:47 PM
a reply to: Openeye

You are experiencing the knot untied from the heart. Your heart was previously bound. Once untied, you can fill it with seed. Read: How Phoenician Reveals Babel

Seed (ear) enters the soil of the heart when the seed opens (ears open). The soil must be prepared. Remove the stones and the heart softens. Reaching out for God allows him to the fill a previously empty void. Untying the knot binding the heart then allows growth of the fruit from seed. An amazing source of inspiration for this is the Discourses of Rumi. Rumi is a broad voice. He claims to be in agreement with all religions by being centered on the true source of the ocean. He is Islamic, but his view of Jesus proclaims his source of knowledge. He's the most read poet in America.

Discourses of Rumi

Love dispels hate. Healing comes from heeling. It's all about authority and seeking the true authority of the ancient of days. The Spirit of God is timeless and boundless. Faith, Hope and Love. Noting to fear.

Of course, the Bible is the ultimate knowledge of truth for the Son of God, but I personally get a great deal of truth from the linked PDF above. Rumi is amazing and speaks straight to the heart.

edit on 11-12-2014 by AlephBet because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 10:04 PM
You've taken the first and most important step toward finding God. Keep this feeling going and seek, maybe then you'll look within and find what you're seeking.

You've awoken, this will become more common as time goes on, its the natural defense against the increasing violence and corruption we see in the world today.

We're becoming aware. S&F

edit on 12/11/2014 by 3NL1GHT3N3D1 because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 10:04 PM
a reply to: Openeye

Fellow atheist here! Former Christian.

I don't think it was God comforting you tbh.

I also wouldn't consider God the pinnacle of morality either.

At least the traditional view of the Abrahamic God.

Realizing you have habits that are less than perfect, and you're not proud of, is no reason to suddenly turn to God. It's definitely no reason to fear hell (which btw is not eternal torture despite what they tell you) either. Just work to better yourself. If some of the wiser and less detestable words in the Bible give you solace, then by all means. Just don't start taking it all seriously.

Take the risk of thinking for yourself much more happiness truth beauty and wisdom will come to you that way. - Christopher Hitchens - Yet Another Dead Hero

edit on 12-11-2014 by WakeUpBeer because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 10:32 PM
Thanks all for the comments so far. I can respond to anyone in depth at the moment but I will do so as soon as I can.

Thanks again!

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 10:46 PM
S&F nicely worded thread.

Question to all the religious people here relating to the "pornography being immoral" thing :

Why do you think that viewing a naked body is immoral?

It's Gods creation. Isn't it?

Are we not worthy to view ourselves as God made us?

Apparently it's immoral to view the human body naked. I find that archaic.

Explain please...

edit on 11-12-2014 by canucks555 because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 11:36 PM
Thank you for sharing your God Moment with us. That's exactly what that was.

I had mine a little over 9 months ago and it was the most amazing thing. All I did was ask for help and immediately I was overcome with this feeling like I was wrapped in a warm embrace. Then a thought of what I needed to do popped into my head and with it an unyielding sense of purpose that has carried me ever since.

God is always listening. I find that God helps those who help themselves and are truly trying to follow the right path. He/she answered, but will you do the next right thing to keep the connection going?

posted on Dec, 11 2014 @ 11:54 PM
My suggestion is to steer clear of ANY religion or spiritual “seeking” you will only find yourself more lost then you were before. Unfortunately you will most likely not listen to reason and do it anyways. Fortunatly the fact is there is a creator God and there is very little more that can be known.The majority of everything you have experienced up to now has been “faith” and that faith will continue however to hitch that faith onto a religious spiritual bandwagon will be a huge mistake though usually inevitable.The fact is you have not found the creator God at all…. they have “given” you the smallest little peak behind the veil into truth and that is all.

It is not to “prove” to you that THEY are the GREAT AND MIGHTY OZ!!! I mean …uhh God….it is because to reveal themselves will just be in vain when you “know” practically nothing.30 year old scotch is heavenly to imbibe but I don’t suggest pouring a snifter for a baby…they won’t appreciate it in the least….and scotchy baby puke is not fun.

Unfortunately just as “#” happens so does religion.It is unavoidable since it is mans nature.At this point you may just be swapping one weaker form of religion(yours without the herd religion) for a stronger more lethal kind amongst the sheep.The more you announce your new found faith the more you will be compelled by well wishers to accept the free gift of the Lord Jesus Christ who LOVES you NOW or risk suffering the consequence of infinite punishment of HELL! They like to call that the good news and if you still have your senses about you …you will KNOW it is nothing but BAD news.

Unlike in “It’s a Wonderful Life” where every time you hear a bell ring an angel gets its wings every time you hear a “sinner repent” it is another potential voice added to chorus of Jesus saves from HELL!It all may look well and good with the God glow however it will begin to grind at any common reason you have left in time…and that’s the rub.It is very difficult to repent of something that made you “FEEL” exalted!! I AM SAVED!!!!..thank Gaaawd he loves me so much he will not torture me FOREVER in HELL!! praisith the Laaawd!!

As those that have read my posts know I seldom participate in such extreme sarcasm however IMO in this case it is completely warranted.Hell… you made a public anonymous announcement!!.okay okay I’ll pull back the sarcasm….and be very blunt(an occasionally sarcastic).

On the whole this belief in a God is a good thing however what it SHOULD be is completely normal…no fanfare, no celebration.The one fact you may be able to take the greatest comfort in if it is revealed to you is “the creator God” WILL deliver you from Hades(which means the realm of death and imperception NOT the eternal punishment of hell).Don’t worry…. you are not special..everyone will be delivered from death.THIS is the Good news.DEATH does not have to be feared.(even though dieing may not be any fun at all)You will be dead..I mean completely dead… no awareness at all.Not even bad dreams…DEAD…and won’t be dead.

Now comes the sticky wicket rub.If or the more your religion is “crucified” in this life you’ll be… home free!!(or at least freer).If not there will be a 2nd death to your religion(imperception).How that will happen cannot be known however I am positive it will be very unpleasant.It is what man holds the dearest.It is their “essence” their nature of what they believe is THEM!Which leads me back to one of my original statements.The “less” religion” you have the less this 2nd death will be unpleasant to torturous…and of course the irony is the religious believe just the opposite (of the whole thing).

The bottom line is either way this life will be like a faint crazy dream of..what the hell was that all about and what did it mean!!And that is the crux of it all.If believing in a God is not very beneficial how can you “not” believe in a God when you DO!!! or should you just not believe in a God at all……the fact is to believe in a God that is not God is not beneficial(being completely blind with eyes sown shut)….that guarantees a tough ride in the 2nd death….to not believe in a God that is not God is much less harsh in the 2nd death but is usually detrimental in many things in this life(having your eyes opened but being blind) ..and of course the most beneficial is not believing in “a God” at ALL!! is extremely beneficial “knowing” there is a creator God and that they “know” you.

Religion has it all backwards.They have this twisted view that the creator God somehow is “pining” after worship and Love and they are being “faithful” by believing in them etc etc..….when the fact is to be “known” by the creator God is the greatest honor ever bestowed on a person.So great that it will bring you to your knees.This will be the state of everyone.The creator God will look to them and call them “son”(non gender discrimination).That can only be heard when a persons religion (false God) is completely dead which is either a crucifixion while in the physical realm and or a purging of fire after in the 2nd death.

How do you escape those fates(which end up beneficial) is not known.Everyones life is a book that is being written and they are the character in the book.The character can only “act” according to their nature and character(their name).That name is written in their book.The experiences in the book changes and effects the character and “molds” them into who they are.That is the dichotomy of religion.Religion is the fertilizer that the seeds grows in however the fertilizer is nothing but dead things and #.None can “know” their book because they are living IN it.The past can’t be re written nor the future be altered.It will go as according “to the book”. To attempt to “write” the book while “inside” the book is futile and will not change it only the experiences(more #).

Fortunately the creator God is not like Santa Claus making a list and checking it twice seeing who’s been naughty or nice.They are already very aware of what is in the book.There is nothing your character can do to alter the creator Gods benevolence to you…NOTHING good nor evil.Take great comfort in that fact that can be known.

My suggestion is essentially a non suggestion..just live…” your crazy life”…it’s all you can do anyways.You will not be able to control 99.99999999999% of all the it that happens in “your life” so fearing will be in vain.If you are fortunate enough the creator God will reveal the Truth about “death” and you won’t fear it either…sweet dreams.

edit on 12-12-2014 by Rex282 because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 12 2014 @ 02:26 AM
a reply to: Openeye
I assume that you're thinking in terms of the Biblical God rather than an impersonal one.
In that case, the important thing to remember is that the essence of Faith is trust. Don't worry about those who say "You can't prove it", because we're not going to get proof in this life anyway.

In a sense, Paul had "anger issues" too. They got re-directed.

P.S. How an atheist became a Christian
It happens many different ways.

edit on 12-12-2014 by DISRAELI because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 12 2014 @ 05:14 AM
a reply to: Openeye

perhaps you felt grief over the loss of an idea, by deciding to be an atheist, and for 5 years you felt that grief of loss,

then after 5 years you decided not to refuse to entertain the idea of a god, and this felt like 5 years of grief reversed, imagine if a loved one died for 5 years then turns out they weren't dead they knock on your door and there is that relief and joy,

just deciding to stop doubting in something you dont subconsciously want to doubt will bring you joy,

this is why the wise man rides the fence, lets his mind entertain whatever the hell it wants and throws caution to the wind.

posted on Dec, 12 2014 @ 06:28 AM
You might want to listen to a lecture by Dr. Ravi Zacharias. He discusses many things including the pitfalls of moral relativism.

Guard yourself and truly listen only to your "heart". The new believer is in a fragile state of belief as warned by Jesus. The following is the warning He gave through the parable of the sower and the explanation of the parable to the disciples.

“A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Whoever has ears, let them hear.”
Matthew 13:3-9

When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”
Matthew 13:19-23

Don't worry about feeling crazy (although I believe the worry comes much more from the judgement of others) as the Bible says God chooses the foolish things to confound the wise so that none may boast before him.

May God bless you to become good soil.

posted on Dec, 12 2014 @ 06:43 AM
a reply to: Openeye

You just found God within you. That is the way to found God.
The majority of the people look for God anywhere without realizing that He is already inside us.

Awareness. Consciousness.

posted on Dec, 12 2014 @ 09:41 AM
I really dislike when the superior acting atheist show right up to discredit something you feel and know. I believe in God and Jesus. Where I lose the "the Bible thumpers" is when I say I believe, but remain a bit of an agnostic. They assume your hell bound and no better than an atheist.
I have serious doubts about certain aspects of the Bible because through the years man (especially the Catholics) got their fingers in it to meet their agenda. Cannonization is all the proof you need of that.
Talk to others, visit churches (although I steer clear now), and continue down the path you have found. NO One can tell you the absolute truth, its already inside of you.

posted on Dec, 12 2014 @ 01:32 PM
If truly you believe yourself to have found God then by what means do you expect to acquire understanding by requesting the knowledge of ignorant man? Truly if you have found God then only God can teach you.

posted on Dec, 12 2014 @ 06:05 PM
Sorry for the late replies everyone I have tried to respond to as many posts as I thought realistic, if i did not respond to your post directly I'm sorry.

a reply to: Klassified

The experience you describe once you "appealed to god" is similar to my experience, once I realized god does not exist. In other words, the day I became an atheist after decades of being a Christian.

Very interesting, I found my atheism through skepticism and even then I called myself an atheist only out of intellectual honesty (i.e. I did not believe in a god) but unlike most atheists I found on the net I could not be labeled "strong". To use Dawkin's spectrum I would have been 5. The reason for this is that despite all the logical arguments strong atheists make at their core they are basically saying "since we cannot measure your claims, they are wrong."

The reason I mentioned the epiphanies I had before my appeal to God is because I came to those conclusions by examining evidence and accepting reasonable arguments. But the experience I had in my state of anguish was completely different, that's why I added to the title of this post..."am I crazy". The only conclusions I can come to is...

1. What I experienced was a delusion.

2. What I experienced was not a delusion.

a reply to: intrptr

How does one distinguish between God comfort and comfort from delusion or the feeling from drugs?

The delusion part I will grant you, I have no idea. But when it comes to drugs, like I said in my post, I'm a drug addict. Drugs are pleasure, pure and unadulterated. I have has experiences on drugs one might call profound (when you are in a bathroom but at the same time think you are in a jungle it makes you think lol), but at the time of the experience in question I was not on anything.

a reply to: WakeUpBeer

The video made me laugh lol. Though I have issues with it (devils advocate mode on
). First off the personal relationship between man and God is immediately framed as direct link to undisputed truth, while some religions may claim this...I never did...whats to say that the relationship between God and man is not perfect, but flawed due to the reality of human nature and its capacity to conform to social pressures and result to violence.

Secondly the point is raised that their cultures influenced their belief systems, well of course they did, how is this an argument against the concept of God? Religions in modern society despite being formed in specific geographic borders are now international, and If you look at all religions and compare their philosophies, all of them conform in some some way to the golden rule. They do so in many other areas as well mostly in areas concerning virtue (e.g. prudence, temperance, humility, etc) . Who's to say that God's influence and or message is not felt through command and conformity, but through the simple experience of living and gaining knowledge through those experiences. It seems evident to me that the conclusions we have reached are not the product of religious conformity but by mans introspective conflict with its own nature.

The last point the atheist in the video makes is that if God had a message to human beings why is it so confusing given that he is a perfect being. Perhaps God's influence is indistinguishable from reason, and given what I posit in the first paragraph of my response to your post, that would mean that God's message (if it could even be called that) was never intended to be flawlessly interpreted or received, but instead to be discovered through reason and self knowledge. The idea that God created a perfect is obviously wrong, because the world is not perfect. So how is this argument anything other than one against dogma?

I know this video is satire but I must be candid here...most YouTube atheists are asses. Thunderf00t, TAA, Dusty, most all of them are bigots who hate religious people.

Take the risk of thinking for yourself much more happiness truth beauty and wisdom will come to you that way. - Christopher Hitchens - Yet Another Dead Hero

That's what I always do

a reply to: canucks555

Question to all the religious people here relating to the "pornography being immoral" thing. Why do you think that viewing a naked body is immoral?

I don't know if I could be considered religious now or not lol, but I will give you my criticism of porn. The porn industry is fueled by drugs, violence, and manipulation. For every story you find of a studio or producer that is positive you will find one that is negative. It could be argued that rape occurs quite often in the industry both on and off the set. I have heard stories where women were in a situation where they wanted to stop shooting but they simply wouldn't stop (look up Jen Chadbourne most recent video on YouTube she mentions some pretty crazy stuff).

Th industry (at least in its present form) is immoral, and its almost impossible to distinguish what porn is safe, and what porn displays someone being victimized. I plan on making a thread about porn in the future, but I'm still getting use to my abstinence at the moment so I don't really feel comfortable doing research. That being said, there is nothing wrong about looking at a naked body.

a reply to: IWant2Believe323

I had mine a little over 9 months ago and it was the most amazing thing. All I did was ask for help and immediately I was overcome with this feeling like I was wrapped in a warm embrace. Then a thought of what I needed to do popped into my head and with it an unyielding sense of purpose that has carried me ever since

Yep that exactly how I feel. I still don't know exactly what it is but I know I don't want to ignore it!
edit on 12-12-2014 by Openeye because: Forgot something

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