My mother, the model of decorum and manners, has started to say the most racists things

Dad was the same, never heard a racist bigotted word come out his mouth...but he did start saying odd things like that at the very beginning of his early onset dementia diagnosis, it was kinda the first sign. Get mum checked out.

I haven't read the entire thread, so forgive me if someone else has suggested this. I saw the title of the thread and read your opening post and this rang bells in my head because I've literally just seen something recently that this made me think of...

Is it possible your mother had a small stroke?
I know you said she is in good health, but her age makes her a good stroke candidate (eeek that sounds horrific, forgive my poor wording), and strokes aren't always "visible".
Speaking as someone with a grandparent who has multiple mini strokes a year, I can attest that not all of them are always apparent.

Sometimes when a person has a stroke, a particular part of the brain can become damaged. This part of the brain regulates how people speak, which is why sometimes when a person has a stroke, their speech is affected. But it is affected in other ways.

Sometimes when a person has a stroke, the part of the brain that regulates the "taboo" part of our speech, gets slightly damaged. If you are noticing her speech has changed, she's being more racist than you are used to, perhaps she's swearing a lot more than she has in the past, it could be because the part of the brain that inhibits "taboo" words has become slightly damaged. This means that even though a person knows a word maybe considered "socially unacceptable", they literally cannot stop themselves from saying it because the part of the brain that usually says "Dear god don't say that," is now saying "Hey man, I don't care, go ahead and say what you want."

I also understand things have not been easy so it's really had to say what it could be, but if you notice other strange behaviour patterns, don't rule out medical reasons.

Go Mom! Eighty years old and finally found her stride.

Early onset of dementia would by my guess, sorry to say. I'd advise getting her checked out, but more likely than not, she won't want to cooperate.

originally posted by: Gazrok
she won't want to cooperate.

Lol no she will NOT want to co operate.
You have taken me back to a memory that I can only smile on now. Managing a parents health is as close to hell as it gets. Stubborn little geese they become.

originally posted by: Gazrok
Early onset of dementia would by my guess, sorry to say. I'd advise getting her checked out, but more likely than not, she won't want to cooperate.

I go away for a few days and I end up with three pages to read through. Thank-you to many of you that gave comforting words, and thank-you to those that gave sage advice. I have some things to watch for, and some things I just need to accept because of her age and changes going on in her life.

I don't think a suggestion to see her doctor would go over very well, in fact, it might be like lighting a fuse at the dynamite factory. She is fairly private about health issues, and that's not something any of us kids would want to invade until absolutely necessary.

My mom and I spent a lot of time talking over the past week, and I don't see the same issues my sister is bringing up. She does not seem to be forgetting anything, and has full recall of everything in her life. In fact, I see some truth in what she is saying when she blurts out something offensive, or has harsh words to speak about how her life has changed.

Losing my father has had more of an impact than any of us really noticed because of that British stiff upper lip, but she has so many people that love her that we are noticing the crack in the facade, and will be there for her.

Thank you all for the replies, you gave me a lot to think about, and avenues to consider that never would have come to me.

Stars for all of you.