Learning to Love

You can’t make yourself closer to God by hating someone else, whether you believe it’s righteous anger or not. The relationship between Soul—which is you—and God is one of love. And where there’s pure love, there is no room for anger of any kind.
—Harold Klemp
The Language of Soul

I have struggled with love my entire life. Some people say they love someone, but it is a possessive, selfish love. When is love a true love? Is true love more of a detached, Agape love or is there pure love for another person in this world? I know a big part of what I am here to work on in this life is opening my heart to love.

While I lack any concrete answers the above quote struck me as truth when I was searching for quotes on love. It makes no sense when religious folks have hate or anger for others that don't share their religion, orientation or belief system. Maybe love is what it is not? Certainly hating others will only impede your search and in turn your own quest for God or spirituality. As soul we must find love for all the things in this world; humans, animals and even our home, the Earth.

I have spent too much time focusing on the negative and I know I need to open my heart. Through meditation and other daily exercises I think I am making progress. When doing something for others I try to do it without thinking of reward for myself. I ask myself if something I am about to say is necessary or kind before saying it out loud. I even try to control my thoughts and not give 'energy' to the negative.

While I am as far from perfect in the above endeavors, I believe we can all get better through daily practice. I don't think there is anything wrong with holding to a code of ethics and behavior even if we can never fully attain them. It is the effort that makes us better and in the end I think the most we can hope for as humans is to get a little better each day.

Do you know how to love yourself? That's the first step.

a reply to: Metallicus

Nice quote. There are ways of moving away from hate and progressively detaching ourselves from it, such as just resenting an action or something someone said. By resenting I don't mean to imply any sort of buildup by harbouring a grudge. Simply to remember something someone did or said keeps us on guard so that we don't become entangled in the same situation again. What I am going for is non participation in the negative. And you're so right about making it a daily exercise, as it's easier said than done.

a reply to: Metallicus

I have struggled with love my entire life. Some people say they love someone, but it is a possessive, selfish love. When is love a true love?

I would say when it involves selflessness... When one gives up what is needed for another...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends

a reply to: Metallicus

. . . a possessive, selfish love.

It helps to meet people and see that they want the same thing that you do.

double post.....

You have illuminated the perennial dichotomy.The fact is the more you “try to love” the less you can.It becomes self serving and is literally an “act”.

The fact is “love” is not an emotion or feeling.It is a state of being.When you are in that state you aren’t acting in love you are being in love.Which means the fact is none are in the perpetual state of “being in love”.Most acts of “love” are out of selfishness even those purportedly done in the “name” of love for family and friends and strangers.The very act of being “aware” of acting in love is proof it is not the “state of being love”.When your left hand knows what your right hand is doing it is not in a state of being only acting…and that's the dichotomy.

It is in mans nature to be self serving.Every action they do is centered on themselves.Occasional they can circumvent it however, it is never a sustained state.There is no “method”to attain the state of being love” as a matter of fact it hinders it by putting focus on “acting”.The conscious thought of “getting” better at love is the immense evidence someone isn’t they are only getting better at “acting” and cannot enter into the state of love at all.

Morals and ethics are “laws” of the emotions.They “gauge” a persons self awareness of their “acting”.In the scriptures it is called the knowledge of good and evil.Morals and ethics are neither good nor evil in and of themselves.They can compel someone who’s nature is to “not abide” by those law to do so…and also the opposite.

This is ample evidence of the core condition of ALL of mankind.Their “nature” is religious.The amalgamation of all their experiences form their belief in faith of “their” personal Belief System religion.None can escape this fact of human nature.Nor can it be improved upon or changed by themselves or anyone else or any method (especially religion which compounds it).

That is the dilemma of man.At their core they are selfishly religious yet they “seek” intuitively another state of being which they “act” upon the stage of life.If they are honest they will perceive it is just an act however they will not help them achieve the state of being love it only makes them occasionally aware that they aren’t and that brings them full circle to face the dichotomy.How can you “be” something you can’t.Some just give up and their awareness fades into either complete apathy(depravity) or deeper into the delusion of their religion-religion of “acting” in love.

Those states are not mutually exclusive to a belief.Many of the “religion- religious believe an atheist to be depraved when in fact they could be the least depraved.Some of their perceptions of morals and ethics are not based in religion-religion which is closer to the Truth.

The fact is the answers cannot be clear cut precisely by the reason that mankind CANNOT exist in a state of being love.The fact is EVERY human will “act” according to their nature and character and THAT can change however it is completely WITHOUT Their assistance or awareness.They are simply “acting” according to their nature forming their character.The fact is man must be “content”(accept) the fact of their state of being.They can do nothing else.However the Good News is their nature WILL change.It just won’t “change” transformed in the material realm life.

The nature of the material realm is all living things die.To humans living in the material realm that is perceived as “evil”where in fact that evil serves good because it is necessary stage of LIFE.In essence mankind is being “conceived” in the womb of the material realm/universe.It is just one stage in the process of LIFE….the BEGINNING!!That is why “death” is perceived as evil it doesn’t ”feel” like the Truth.However that “feeling” is only a feeling that is a shadow of the REAL truth.Death is only a temporary state just as “this” life”state” is in the material realm.

It isn’t that all mankind will “live again”(just to die again) it is that they will finally LIVE!!Fortunately we have no control over that process or it would never become reality.Everything that is happening to us is being “done” for us.It is IMPOSSIBLE to see what this process is because of this.It has its “moment” of life (joy) and death (suffering) however those are just shadows of what will be (JOY) and what will no longer be (suffering) The material realm life is the “valley of the shadow of death and life”.It will all be over before you know it.These few short years of life are infinitesimal compared to LIFE.

So should you go on “acting” in love..if that is your nature you will to whatever degree your character is being formed HOWEVER the fact is you can NEVER enter INTO the state of being in love in the material real life because you can NOT learn to be in the state of love..The more you perceive that one fact the more of realitys shadow you can see.

a reply to: Metallicus

Certainly hating others will only impede your search and in turn your own quest for God or spirituality. As soul we must find love for all the things in this world; humans, animals and even our home, the Earth.

I have spent too much time focusing on the negative and I know I need to open my heart. Through meditation and other daily exercises I think I am making progress. When doing something for others I try to do it without thinking of reward for myself. I ask myself if something I am about to say is necessary or kind before saying it out loud. I even try to control my thoughts and not give 'energy' to the negative.

What you have just described is really Hinduism/Buddhism. Namaste - "I bow to the God in YOU" God is in everything, people, animals ( family, friends, animals/pets; etc. ♥ ) if we just learn that, then you understand. The Ego is the biggest foe you will ever have to fight in this lifetime.

The Power of Love

Thank you all for the wonderful responses. I will be meditating on the wisdom you have shared with me.

I had the pleasure and honor of being born to and raised by one of the most loving women that you can imagine. When I had thoughts of anger and hatred toward someone, she always encouraged me to see "the other side"... What if the subject of my anger had lost his pet that morning and he was hurt and taking it out on others? What if he was being unjustly judged by his friends and felt alone and sad?

My mother always steered me toward sympathy and empathy of my fellow human beings. She taught me to love. No matter what. Whether the person was a "sinner", a hypocrite, a liar, or an angry and mean bully, she always helped me to find the loveable part of every human being.

She was a Christian. A "real" Christian. She didn't judge people except to say that they are loveable and deserving of love. When I dated men of another race, and my father refused to let me come home for the holidays, she found a way to meet with not only me, but with my boyfriend, too. Her heart was completely open and laid bare for the world to see.

I believe to love someone is to genuinely want and work toward that person's happiness and wholeness. And I thank my mother for showing me how and for showing me that EVERYONE deserves love and if you look hard enough, you will find the loveable part of everyone.

Love is the bond that connects us all and the most powerful force in the Universe.

Totally agree. Love is a powerful emotion and it binds the world. Throughout all the bad events, love has always held the planet together when the odds seemed against us. I'm very happy that you've chosen to grow and realize your true potential instead of allowing negativity to shroud you. May you be blessed with the love that is around us all.

On a daily basis I run into many people and many times I'm so overjoyed by their presence and to be honest, it's a total feeling of love. Not sexual or lustful but a complete attachment on many levels and beyond that is it indescribable. I simply can't explain it.

I can guarantee there are many others who experience this.

The feeling is also present when I see or think of animals. Anybody else?

a reply to: Rex282

The fact is “love” is not an emotion or feeling.It is a state of being.

Actually, you are right - it's not a "feeling" - it's something ONE DOES. With conscious commitment. A verb. An action.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

I believe to love someone is to genuinely want and work toward that person's happiness and wholeness. And I thank my mother for showing me how and for showing me that EVERYONE deserves love and if you look hard enough, you will find the loveable part of everyone.

Love is the bond that connects us all and the most powerful force in the Universe.

Yes.

BH, have you by chance ever read The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck? (there's even a new, updated version here.) Unforgettable reading.

Written in a voice that is timeless in its message of understanding, The Road Less Traveled continues to help us explore the very nature of loving relationships and leads us toward a new serenity and fullness of life. It helps us learn how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become a more sensitive parent; and ultimately how to become one’s own true self.

Recognizing that, as in the famous opening line of his book, “Life is difficult” and that the journey to spiritual growth is a long one, Dr. Peck never bullies his readers, but rather guides them gently through the hard and often painful process of change toward a higher level of self-understanding.

a reply to: Akragon

Yes, once you love you can learn to let go. That's why you learn how to love self first. Then you can stop being selfish because self is not as important anymore; it's more important what others want and need. You can start learning how to put them before self.

" I even try to control my thoughts and not give 'energy' to the negative."

That is the most important facet of all. Its not the act, but the thought behind it, that really matters. I wish you a better and more rewarding journey.

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
BH, have you by chance ever read The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck? (there's even a new, updated version here.) Unforgettable reading.

Unforgettable indeed! One of my all-time favorites. I first read it probably 25 years ago. I like to read them several times because I get more out of them each time.

A couple more good ones: The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman and Ishmael by Daniel Quinn.

Wow, what a rarely seen topic on ATS...

Why IS that?

Apparently it's an important subject because so many NDE's return with a message focusing on love.

“Learn to love someone when they least deserve it, because that is when they need your love most."― Rodolfo Costa

"But what you do in this age with your heart response in love is the only thing, the only thing, the only thing that matters. In the truest sense of the word. Why are you here? To choose love. Set your heart on a pilgrimage to be great in eternity. You are going to be there in just a moment, you are going to be there in just a moment. And what you have done in love and service is what is going to stand in that day."